Have any ladies gone back to their maiden names after the divorce? I <I>hate</I> my married name, but I hesitate to change it because I have a child. My 10-year old son says he doesn't care as long as he doesn't have to change his. Still, I worry how this might affect him. Any thoughts? Thanks.<P>Nell, I mean Nelle, I mean Nel... <P>------------------<BR>If I listened long enough to you<BR>I'd find a way to believe that it's all true<BR>Knowing that you lied straight faced while I cried<BR>Still I look to find a reason to believe<BR>--Rod Stewart & Tim Hardin

<BR>I didn't think I'd feel so strongly about it eight months ago, but I'm going to change my name back. When I got married, I kept my maiden name and added his. So, my legal name is hyphenated, but a lot of stuff is in my first name and my husband's last name due to the INEPTITUDE of so many people (and computer systems, for that matter) that can't handle alphabetizing a hyphenated name ... another issue altogether <P>I was called a feminist, manhater, control freak, and more for keeping my father's name ... by my STBX ... who could just never handle me NOT taking JUST his name and tossing away my own. He took my choice to honor my father as a personal insult to 'his' name, and traditional values in general. F*** him. My name is changing back to the name I was given when I was born. And it won't change again. I don't like the person I became when I stopped being 'me' and became 'his wife'.<P>I don't have the same last name as my kids anyway, he would not allow me to give 'his boy' my name ... so that's not really an issue I have to consider. I had a stepdad so I'm familiar with having a last name different from my mothers' ... not a big deal.<P>Do what's right for you. Your son will know by your actions that you're not doing it to detach from HIM.

I am in the process of returning to my maiden name. I asked for it to be changed on our court date. I am glad I did because my exh got married less than 2 weeks after the court date-I would hate to be associated with the new Mrs.!!! Its hard but at the same time I would be bitter if I kept my maiden name , I think.

I'm actually going to a hyphenated name.<P>I took his surname when we married. Now, because we have a daughter, I'm going to change to a hyphenated 'mine-his'.<P>Too often I've run into the situation of problems due to differences in the last names of parents and children. (Example -- I have a friend who insists on keeping her maiden name. She has a son by her first marriage who uses his father's surname. Since then she's remarried and now has a daughter....with her dad's surname. --- So here we have a mother and two kids, all with different surnames. Confusing!)<P>Also, I teach. I can't begin to tell you how embarassing it is to call a parent by the child's surname and to get corrected over the phone ---- and to have this done when the person on the other end has this offensive, sour tone to their voice. <P>Face it, my child is X.....therefore I will be called X. But if I change to Y and someone calls my place of business looking for X.....co-workers won't necessarily know about the difference in names.<P>That bothers me. Hence the hyphen.<P>~A

Well, I've thought about this... my H wanted our last name on his email account - one I was using. He said, "It IS my name." I simply replied, "Well, it's my name too." To me, it's like an adopted child, do you give them your name? Of course you do! When you are entered into a family and you choose to change your name to that family, as I did then THAT is my name. His name is NOT a privilege, it's simply the name he gave to me when he committed to this marriage and I accepted it. <P>So, we have three kids. They all have his name also and the kids are mine also... for identity purposes, we are ONE family with ONE name. That's just my view... no judgement on anyone who does it differently. To each it's own, no? <P>Cheers!<P>------------------<BR><I>As iron sharpens iron, so does one wo/man sharpen another...</I> Prov 27:17

I see your point OvrCs, then I wonder about divorce and remarriage and extended families, and...well, the names can get confusing! I guess I don't feel I have a family with my H any more. I'm not close to his family, all 2 of them. As proud as I am of my given name, I can't decide if going back to that would be best. (Incidentally, I know what you mean about using the wrong name when calling parents. Tou-chy!)<P>You know, I remember something I read a long time ago from Ann Landers. She said women took their husbands name back in the mideval period because their husbands owned them, and they would slap on that ol' chastity belt whenever they went off to plunder and seige. When they got back, the goods would still be in the package (though how did they wash?). Anyway, Annie said it made MUCH more sense for modern families to take the wife's name because...(ready?) you do not always know for sure who the father is, but you ALWAYS know for sure who the mother is. She offerred it as a simpler identification system of sorts. Makes sense to me. Don't know if the guys would go for it, though. But hey...<P>I'm not gonna upset the apple cart.<BR>Nell

Nell,<P>Interesting Ann Landers idea. Don't think the men would go for it though.<P>I have thought of changing my name back to my maiden name also. I definately don't want to be the "other Mrs. _____"<BR>If my H remarries, I think I would definately change it back or at least hyphen it as out of the fog suggested. That way the children have at least part of the same name as you.<P>My children are teenagers, but when I mentioned the possibility of changing my name to get their feedback, my son suggested that HE wanted to change HIS NAME to my maiden name also. It is not something I would encourage at all for him, but it sure illuminated the extent of his anger toward his father. He told me tonight that in his mind that he has no father any more...he died when he threw him away. (My H has not even spoken to him in over 6 months) I find that incredibly sad.<P>Well back to the topic. I know many women that have changed their name back and do not regret it. I also like the hyphen idea because it keeps the name connection to your son. It is confusing when you blend families though.<P>Hugs and Prayers,<BR>Lisa <P>------------------<BR>Character is determined by what you do when no one is watching.