This morning I walk into work and there is this work buddy of mine that just got married about 3-4 minths ago. He's 30, She 40. <P>He went on in a tiraid(sp?) about how she does this so I do this, when she does this. and on, and on. There wasn't a thing that he said that I haven't heard fifty times while married. and my actions during thise time have now led me to divorce.<P>I stood there listening to his ramblings and was thoughtfull. As he went on he said something that was the kicker. He said; "I don't know maybe all she wants is validation." I smile came across my face and he asked what was so funny? <P>Then he started telling me about how when his wife and he were in bed and he was watching TV, she would say "Turn the TV off, Lets go to sleep." And he would reply be turning up the volume. Etc,Etc,Etc..<P>I said OK. I've heard enough.. My turn..<P>1.) Men are basiclly stupid. Get use to it.<BR>2.) You said that your wife is looking for validation. GIVE IT TO HER. It cost nothing, and lends itself to acceptance.<BR>3.) When ever you feel you are being talked down to remember a.) You are her husband and you should act like a Husband. b.) Always remember that SHE IS YOUR WIFE!!. <BR>4.) Don't get defensive. Sit there and listen to what she is saying. Do not speak until she is finished. If you need to say back what you think you heard, DO IT, if it isn't correct she will tell you again. <BR>5.) When its your turn to speak. Take a deep breath, hold it and calmly let it out slowly. Then remember this is your wife you are talking to. then speak calmly and clearly. Do not raise you voice EVER.. <BR>6.) The most important thing above all else is to listen. Just shutup, swallow your pride and listen with both ears. She is trying to express something to you, and right now what I'm hearing is she ain't getting out of it what she needs to get out, because you are not acting like a man/husband. In other words partner. STOP BEING A KID!!.<P>This struck him like a ton of bricks. How could this other man say I'm being a kid, kind of look.<P>Then I said something along the lines of Validation is a very. very powerfull word that requires your attention. <P>Just rambling folks. <BR>But I find it interesting that I would say these things. I hope I'm learning.<P>Tex. <P>

Good on ya Tex...<P>I too learned as I'm sitting face to face with my sister who just returned from Africa - a missionary for 14 years - and our relationship is like going back to kids... with the pettiness and fighting. SO, your words hit ME like a ton of bricks also. So, I thank you for sharing! <P>Cheers!<P>------------------<BR><I>As iron sharpens iron, so does one wo/man sharpen another...</I> Prov 27:17

I really like 'listening' to you, AGMIT. I helps me to hear the sound of your healing...very wise.<P>I hope that he heard. Pride is our downfall. -Mike

AMEN!<P>------------------<BR>God always waits for the right time to do the right thing in the right way.

Good point.<P>But you know, I just had my a dear friend tell me to go take a permanent hike because I told her that I was disappointed because I had a need for validation and I felt she had blown off my request for it. That I understood it would be hard for her to meet that need due to her present circumstances. So, she tells me our friendship is over because of this?<P>Oh well. I guess the dear friend moves to the acquaintance category.<P>Some people just don't always have the strength to validate others. <P><Sorry, I guess I just needed to lick my wound.><P>