I've concluded (99%) that it's time to move on & out of my marriage. We've been married 11 years, have an 8-yr old son and neither of us have been happy for the past 5 years. It hasn't be totally miserable but I have been on edge with suspicions relating to him breaching trust and being dishonest while he's totally frustrated with my lack of attention & affection towards him. I don't even want him touching me any more. My view is that we can't meet each others needs. My need is the requirement to be open, honest, and trustworthy. Except to carve it into his forehead, I'm not sure what more I can do to get him to understand. Of course, his need is affection & sex which I have no interest in meeting. We've been struggling with these issues for years & they blew up last week when he presented a 5-tonne truck load of "trust" & dishonest betrayals to me. Of course there are many other issues here...he has a drinking problem, financial irresponsiblity problem, and likes to "tell stories". The thought of me going on my own, raising my son, and being freed from the constant pressure of "sex or anger" has me feeling quite relieved. The 1% of me (cause I said I was 99% sure at the beginning of this), just doesn't like to give up. Is 1% worth hanging in there, miserable or not, or is it being niave?

1% is definitely worth it if you both together can "change" the relationship. First understand that no matter what, you both share some blame for where things now stand. Next realize that divorce is not the simple solution it often appears to be. I personally just went through 1 1/2 years of my life trying to endure a painful divorce and overall it was not a "bad" divorce - most people are not that lucky.<P>But I will go even further in saying that now that I am divorced, it still stinks. All the old problems have simply been replaced with new ones.<P>You are going to get this line a lot from many people here "Get to counseling - NOW". Going together is the best, but if he refuses to go initially, then go by yourself. It is something that will help your marriage AND you will be helping yourself as well.<P>It sounds like you both are open to the problems in your marriage - now it is time to stop trying to place blame and begin to look for solutions - They do exist - I promise. Read all the posts here and you will soon begin to realize that the problems you two have are not isolated ones, they are common to many relationships (some of them to all relationships). The marriages that work are simply the ones that learn how to handle the problems and work through them.<P>If you feel like you are constantly running into the same wall with him, then maybe it is time to try different tactics - a good counselor will help you with this.<P>Get to counseling before it is too late. It is worth every penny of the cost. And you need to know that if you leave this relationship without trying to fix some of your problems (remember you both have some blame), then you are more than likely destined to repeat the same mistakes in whatever new relationship you find.<P>If after you attend counseling for a while, you still feel like you want "out", then at least you will know that you gave it your best shot (but that means you can't just go through the motions - you both have to be willing to try - to fight for your marriage). You both loved each other at some point along the way, know that if you are both committed, there is a very good chance you can not only get back to that place, you can surpass it as well.<P>I'm sorry to see you here, but I'm also glad you came. You will definitely get some good advice...<P>God Bless,<P>MIke<P>------------------<BR>God always waits for the right time to do the right thing in the right way.