I'm 28 ,been married 10 years.I survived my husbands infidelity 5 years ago. It seemed to be going well between us and that we were getting close but after my husband made plans on our anniversary that's when things changed. He had forgotten although we've been discussing how important it would be for about 2 years . After being reminded he said "Oh , Never mind I'll spend it with you ." He made plans to meet his coworkers out at a drinking place for our anniversary.I was very hurt that he valued our life together as nothing special. I went anyway thinking maybe he's kidding and has something special planned so I tried to make the best of it. He ended up dropping me at home to go back into work since all of his bosses were incapable of working in their conditions. He didn't get home until the late hours of the morning.We discussed it that night ,his selfishness, he acts as if all husbands do it and that he should too,since he works so hard.Five years ago he promised he'd stop drinking ,go to counseling ,and come home after work for me to not leave and he hasn't stuck with even one of them. When is he going to grow up and get out of that party life? This is our one and only arguement and the more he stays out each night the more bitter I get. I'm tired of living with an adult who can't grow up!Is it okay to leave even though I stayed this long hoping and praying for change?

You've built up a lot of resentment living with <I>Andy Capp</I>. But this is <I>Marriagebuilders</I>, not Marriagebusters. <P>Instead of focusing on what he's doing wrong, focus on yourself and the retaliations you don't even realize you're doing. I'm not suggesting that you necessarily become a <I>Surrendered Wife</I>, but if there are better things in his life than staying out drinking, he will choose to do them relatively soon after they are presented to him. <P>Reach down deep before you give up.

I don't know why I'm so bitter. We have three children who hear him come in late tripping over things.The neighbors see him passed out in his car in front of the house .Since we've been together, I've focus on fixing myself by reading books like"You can be the wife of a happy husband".I was a passive wife the first five years, and after the affair (he had )I changed. I no longer was that wife who was nieve anymore. I guess I just don't want to be a fool again.I'm having trouble believing what he says,since the job he has he works crazy hours and is semi undercover. .I've been trying to talk to him but he doesn't understand why I don't just trust him.Please tell me how I am retaliating.I didn't realize I was.