I also posted this under General Questions. <P>Hi, I'm still plugging away at this Plan A thing, but after 2 months of hell I am wondering how long I can hold out. My question is this...<BR>Can PLan B have a negative effect on the situation if it ends up in divorce? A big part of my Plan A has included letting my husband decide when he has the kids and when he doesn't, and running to the rescue when he is supposed to pick up the kids and can't because he has to work late. I always thought this would look good to the judge, if it came to that. Now that I am condsidering Plan B I am wondering if that could be used against me. Would the judge look at this as me abandoning my children and not doing what is in the best interests of the children? Has anyone had this backfire?<P>Thanks for your help! Heck<P><p>[This message has been edited by heckofagal (edited July 17, 2001).]

That doesn't sound like Plan B to me at all. I doubt that a judge would see it as abandonment. That sounds more like Plan A, but Plan A/B don't really invlolve that type of thing...they involve how you approach the H/R, not what you do about the kids. I'm not saying that it has no bearing, but that Plan A/B don't, IMHO cover that.<P>I'm not sure it is profitable at this stage to consider what the judge thinks about this short time frame stuff. They look at the long view, not the recent past, and things that happen during the D are not necessarily accurate barometers of character per se. Give the judge more credit than that...they aren't the ones in this mes, just got to try to help do what is best. -Mike<BR>

<B>A big part of my Plan B has included letting my husband decide when he has the kids and when he doesn't,</B><BR>Sounds like you mean “Plan A.”<P>When you go to Plan B, give him the letter & keep a copy of it. If a divorce ensues and Plan B is “held against” you, you can show the letter to the court as to what exactly you were trying to accomplish.<P>This will prove you wanted reconciliation and were NOT trying to be hurtful, etc.<P><B>not doing what is in the best interests of the children?</B><BR>The best interests of the children are for the marriage to remain & grow. It is NOT in their interest for the parents to live apart with one of them having an affair.<P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>Marriage & Relationship Resources</A>

Sorry, I meant Plan A...<P>But part of my Plan B would include not being there to rescue him when he cannot pick up the kids. He needs to know if he's not going to be here to be part of our family then there is no reason for me to keep bailing him out. He can't keep leaning on me if he can't keep loving me!!! I've had enough of the doormat syndrome with Plan A.<P>Thanks, Heck

Heck,<P>Are you sure you couldn't be my twin sister???? I'm in the exact same position. I won't go into details but you can read some of my other posts in this forum, if you want to get the entire scoop. I too am growing sick of Plan A and always being the one to make sacrifices. My H is using his work as an excuse not to see the kids or come around or call. I still think it is an affair and that he feels too much guilt when he comes around. However, guilt or no guilt, married or separated, our two kids still need him and depend on him. He doesn't even call now. We have no way to get in touch with him, even in emergency. He drops by when he wants to and usually doesn't do what he says he will do. He is not dependable. Enought about me, sorry, he just ticked me off this AM because Sat he said he would take the kids to school on Tues. Of course he was a no show and I was almost late to a meeting due to waiting on him. I agree with the other responders that you need to work on yourself. <P>Read Bramble Rose's response to me on my most current post. It was hard to read but I did have to agree that my actions cause a lot of the problems I have. It seems the same may be true with your H. If he knows you will be there to bail him out, he will continue to allow you to do so. I think both my H and yours need to understand that they should make their kids a higher priority in their lives. I don't know your background as this is the first post I've seen from you. However, I know where you are coming from. I too have had fears of how my actions would affect a judge's opinion of me. I don't want to be the one who files for D because I think it will make me look bad to my family and children. I would love to shake my H's world up a little by moving into Plan B, but for now I'm sticking with Plan A. I have been trying to be someone I can be proud of no matter what my H does. I hope you have the strength to do the same. Just be true to God and to yourself and your kids. Easier said than done, I know. Good luck and let me know what happens. L.<BR>