Hello All, This is my first posting on this site. This MB site is very excellent. I'm glad I found it. but sadly I found it too late.<BR> I think you may call this venting but It helps me out to read all the nice things everyone has to say to eachother. <P>My wife and I are in the midst of a divorce and I am really feeling lousy about my part in it. We had a huge falling out last December about things that cropped up from our past. These things hurt me in the deepest way and I reacted very Irresponsibly to them. My wife tried very hard to make things better between us for about three months and all I did during that time was to hurt her and reject her every chance I had. Looking back it was very stupid and very hurtful of me. I think I took advantage of her good intentions and used the time window I had to run away from the problems we needed to work out instead of facing them. She finally gave up after one of her highschool sweethearts looked her up... Then swept her away. It was just at the time when I was starting to come around to things. She left and during the time she was gone I did a lot of soul searching and found Dr. Harleys Tape and book. Ironically it was my wife who had purchased them a few months before. It was a revellation to me! I had read self help books before and found them to be good ,bad or somewhere inbetween His needs Her needs is an incredible tool for someone who wants to save thier marriage. Sadly I found the book and tape in the terminal stages of our lives together. I feel a great deal of remorse and loss. We have two terrific children who do not deserve to live through this and I really feel if I could have come around to things sooner my family would still be together. Reading the postings by you good folks really helps me. Thank you all for this wonderful site.<P>------------------<BR>

<BR>Hello and Welcome to Marriage Builders!<P>First, I would like to share two links with you. Just click on the underlined links here, and read –><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi10_tour.html" TARGET=_blank>Tour of Marriage Builders</A> and <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000553.html" TARGET=_blank>General Welcome</A>. <P>Please read everything you can on this site, post and read often!! <P>I have been betrayed and betrayer, so I have the dubious honor of knowing what infidelity does from BOTH SIDES of the situation. <P>I believe in the concepts espoused here, if applied properly. One idea that has worked *wonders* for some couples is Plan A. Read about it here –><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>What Are Plan A and Plan B</A>.<P>Use what you learn here to make your marriage a safe place where you do your best to meet the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3300_needs.html" TARGET=_blank>Emotional Needs</A> of your spouse,and avoid <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3400_lovebust.html" TARGET=_blank>Love Busters</A> whenever possible. . When a decision must be made, use the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3500_policy.html" TARGET=_blank>POJA</A> to determine the final outcome that you can both agree upon.<P>Many couples find that counseling is VERY helpful, and the counseling provided here is excellent for several reasons; but the most important is that it goes along with the concepts here. Check it out here –> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7000_counsel.html" TARGET=_blank>Counsel Link</A><P>Again, welcome to our community, and feel free to write often and ask lots of questions!<P><B>ABOUT YOUR POST</B>: How far actually are you in the divorce process? Can it be stopped? You have a chance to Plan A your butt off and maybe win her back -- would you like to try????<P>Read the links above, and live and breathe Plan A. It's a miracle worker!!!!<P>Best wishes.<P><P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<P>And we know. We who have seen. ~Pellegrino

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Nyneve:<BR><B><BR>Hello and Welcome to Marriage Builders!<P>First, I would like to share two links with you. Just click on the underlined links here, and read –><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi10_tour.html" TARGET=_blank>Tour of Marriage Builders</A> and <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000553.html" TARGET=_blank>General Welcome</A>. <P>Please read everything you can on this site, post and read often!! <P>I have been betrayed and betrayer, so I have the dubious honor of knowing what infidelity does from BOTH SIDES of the situation. <P>I believe in the concepts espoused here, if applied properly. One idea that has worked *wonders* for some couples is Plan A. Read about it here –><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>What Are Plan A and Plan B</A>.<P>Use what you learn here to make your marriage a safe place where you do your best to meet the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3300_needs.html" TARGET=_blank>Emotional Needs</A> of your spouse,and avoid <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3400_lovebust.html" TARGET=_blank>Love Busters</A> whenever possible. . When a decision must be made, use the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3500_policy.html" TARGET=_blank>POJA</A> to determine the final outcome that you can both agree upon.<P>Many couples find that counseling is VERY helpful, and the counseling provided here is excellent for several reasons; but the most important is that it goes along with the concepts here. Check it out here –> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7000_counsel.html" TARGET=_blank>Counsel Link</A><P>Again, welcome to our community, and feel free to write often and ask lots of questions!<P>ABOUT YOUR POST</B>: How far actually are you in the divorce process? Can it be stopped? You have a chance to Plan A your butt off and maybe win her back -- would you like to try????<P>Read the links above, and live and breathe Plan A. It's a miracle worker!!!!<P>Best wishes.<P><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>

I tried to send a reply to your posting once but I must have messed it up... Sorry, Anyway what I said was thanks for the Information and the words of Inspiration!<P>As for how far along the divorce is - Well I guess pretty far, should be final in Sept. We actually had a court appearance yesterday to settle all the final items and separation of property. We hadf a long talk afterwords and she is pretty adamant about not trying to work on things. She says she is too tired, I told her that I would be there for her if she ever changed her mind. She really lays in to me about the past when we are together but I don,t fight back. I think that would make me a hyprocrite after all that's what I did to her when she was trying so hard. This is so *#*# frustrating and hard to deal with. I hate the thought of our family breaking up. I told her that I see her boyfriend as the enemy and that he had no right to interfere in our lives at this time when we are both so vulnerable. What kind of character does a person like that have? Or is it normal ? I don't know maybe the guy had every right to do it since I blew my chance.<P>------------------<BR>

torn soul, I agree with Sheryl, plan A all you can. Have you read Surviving an Affair by Dr. Harley? You might find that helpful as well. Read all the links Sheryl gave you and post here for support. Things will get better no matter how they turn out.