Hi everyone,<P>I haven't been on for such a long time due to work commitments, but I have thought about you all often. And hoped that things were settling down for the 'oldies' here. For the newbies, I'm sorry you're here too.<P>Things have settled down for me. To the extent that exH has moved in with gf#5 - the girl I used to work with 10 years ago - and I'm feeling quite ok about it.<P>The only effect this has on me is the time she spends with my girls, although she was always at his house anyway so what difference does it really make???????.<P>I console myself that they seem to like her, and she seems to like them, so at least they have a healthy environment when they visit their Dad.<P>I'll admit to the occasional pangs of "it's not fair" how come he's got someone and I haven't......<BR>but I realise that now it's all about ego, and not about love. He killed all that a long time ago.<P>He's still playing mind games - tells me he will always care for me, and makes cryptic responses to things that I sometimes say. An example of this, which came about the day our property settlement was finally final goes as follows:-<P>J: you should be happy, it's finally all over. Your life is moving forward at a great pace of knots, you should be happy<P>ex: (tearfully) I think you'd be surprised......<P>what the hell does that mean. He's just about to move in with his gf, things must be going swimmingly, he should be happy. Instead he's crying on the phone to me.<P>I mean to say guys, I'm happier than he sounds.<P>I can honestly say I don't devote much time anymore to working out what he means when he half says things. The time has passed for that.<P>But what I will say is this. I will not sanction their relationship. I stay out of it, I don't harrass or bother them, but don't try and be friends with me.<BR>This is because the other day I rang to speak to the girls when he had them and she got on the phone, asked how I was and tried to have a conversation. I don't want to have any conversations with her. I stay out of her life, she could have the decency to stay out of mine.<P>Yes I knew her 10 years ago, and no we never had any problems betw. us then but I think it's a bit sick if she wants to befriend me now. I'm civil to him, even friendly, but I don't want to be 'friends'.<P>Please tell me what you think. To me, it's almost as if they want to be friends with me because then they will feel better about themselves and their relationship. It's almost as if they want me to sanction their relationship. Well, guess what, they don't need me to do that. They didn't have the decency 12 months ago to tell me when they got serious exactly who she was - he actually smirked when I asked her age and if she had any children of her own. (great opportunity to tell me then) All I knew for 7 months was her first name.<BR>Anyway, that knocked me for a 6, I've come to terms with it, and moved on. And now they've moved in together.<P>But please don't expect me to be friends. I don't need friends like that in my life. Like I said, I'm civil and polite to him, he has free access to the girls, I never ring him when he doesn't have the girls, can't we leave it at that.?????<P>Anyway, on to another topic. Work is incredibly hectic, so much so that I think I have to change jobs, or at least change airlines. They closed the BNE base and we now fly out of Coolangatta, which is on the Gold Coast. A mere 1 & 1/2 hours each way commute to even get to work, and then a 10/11/12/13 hour day on top of that. I've just had the past week off with a bout of the flu - which just about killed me. Now my eldest d has it too. Happy happy days.<BR>I used to work for Cathay Pacific on the ground so I think I'll put my resume in with them. At least that would get rid of the commute. <P>I hope that explains why I haven't been around much, but I have thought of you all.<P>Best wishes to everyone, and here's to peace of mind<P>Jo<BR>

Jo, I don't think I've ever written to you before, but remember reading your story. Your work schedule sounds incredibly hectic, hope you can at least eliminate the commute!<P>Be friends with whoever you want to be friends with and OW, especially former friend would not be at the top of my list. A cordial relationship for the sake of the children is all that matters. You have no obligation to like the OW, especially a former friend.

Hey Bonnet:<P>My OW thinks eventually we will all be friendly. She is SO wrong. I have no desire to have ANY type of relationship, especially since she is jealous of me and wants my life (her words). Watch out if I end up in an "accident." I refuse to even have a cordial relationship with her. Right now, I'd as soon backslap her as to look at her.<P>As for your WS, sounds like he's trying to keep you wrapped around that little finger. Same thing my WS did and would continue to do if I even talked to him. All that does is keep you messed up inside and leaves a little doubt - so you don't move on with your life. Tell him to talk to OW about all that crap and to stay out of your personal life!<P>It's sad to say that we, the BS's, will probably all move on (those whose marriages end) to better things and the WS's will be living lives of regrets. If only they had "woken" up sooner. Continue to worry about you and your kids. Let WS and OW self-destruct - it's bound to happen.

Letstry,<P>my thoughts exactly. Cordial and civil, but that's it. Thanks for responding, I appreciate it.<P>Trapped Mom,<P>yep, I think he is still trying to have a little control over my life. I've hired a nanny as previously he used to do all the babysitting while I was at work. That was great, but I got so sick of hearing how great he was and how he was helping me out - sometimes "even to the detriment of his business and his life". Oh really??? I also got sick and tired of coming home and having him in my face, having him ask me how my day was, telling me I looked tired, asking if everything was ok. Like, what does he think. Oh I forgot, he doesn't think....<P>He went ballistic when I told him I had hired a nanny. Now why would that be I wonder. I told him he could still see the children whenever he liked, still be involved in their lives but I have yet to see it happen.<P>Thanks for responding, it helps to know people out there do understand what we are all going through.<P>hugs to you both<P>Jo