I wrote here a couple months ago when I found out my WS had an Affair with OW. Then all was quiet. He recently went to Trinidad and when he got back I called him. He was adamant and said that he was going back to Trinidad soon to live. He asked what I wanted to do and called back last night. Now he admits that he has been sleeping around since he went to Korea in '98 and while working in New York he met someone else, slept w/her and now she is pregnant and went to Trinidad. He wants uncontested divorce and said he will help pay for bills, house, etc., but that he doesn't care about anyone or anything and wants to be left alone. He said I wasn't supposed to find out about all of this. How could I not, when all he started doing is lying about everything. He is sick too, takes medication for anxiety and said that he does not feel good, hasn't worked in two months. Now I know why. Is this a good idea, uncontested divorce? We must draw up an agreement. I have agreed to divorce.

With respect to your subject...I'll bet that he does!<P>My vote...do not stand in the way of a sinner...for many reasons. Right now, it gives you some self-esteem back (believe it or not...I know this from experience)...do not get a lawyer.<P>I'm an exception here, I think...I dod not contest, or use a lawyer, or challenge my XW about the EA/PA...or anything else...I feel good about myself here, no regret, no remorse, nothing to hide, no ill will...just totally used, and all the other 'baggage' that comes from being the BS. It helps to keep my head clear, and on the right mark.<P>That's just my way, doesn't mean its right for you.<P>God bless you...I am sorry that you are married to a blind fool, but you are still a very valuable, and loved person...despite what his medication and fog say to the contrary. -Mike

Mike:<P>Thanks a lot, I really needed that. I did say to myself that if that's what he wants, I'll agree. I at first thought about going to a lawyer, suing for alimony, house, etc. Everything that I could get, but I have come to realize that that is of no use in this situation, he said he will help, I guess because he knows that he was wrong and that I was unsuspecting, after he tried to lay the guilt trip on me, saying I didn't do that, I did this, etc. So I have decided to let it rest, he can go his way, I will not confront about what he has done.<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by waiting_for_her:<BR><B>With respect to your subject...I'll bet that he does!<P>My vote...do not stand in the way of a sinner...for many reasons. Right now, it gives you some self-esteem back (believe it or not...I know this from experience)...do not get a lawyer.<P>I'm an exception here, I think...I dod not contest, or use a lawyer, or challenge my XW about the EA/PA...or anything else...I feel good about myself here, no regret, no remorse, nothing to hide, no ill will...just totally used, and all the other 'baggage' that comes from being the BS. It helps to keep my head clear, and on the right mark.<P>That's just my way, doesn't mean its right for you.<P>God bless you...I am sorry that you are married to a blind fool, but you are still a very valuable, and loved person...despite what his medication and fog say to the contrary. -Mike</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>

There is a letter that James Dobson recommends that you write...the link is <B>somewhere</B> around here, but the gist of it is that you do not want his, you still want to stay together, but you will not stand in his way...lots of stuff like that, with no pleading, etc. I never write a letter, but I did tell my XW that.<P>I also did not help at all with the divorce...Ifugured that it was her divorce, not mine. She kept insisting on giving me a copy of the paperwork, like it meant something to her...I relented yesterday...D was May 23rd! -Mike

Yes, he kind of thought I wanted to stay together, but he countered it by saying that I probably would never trust him again, which is about right. But after knowing that a new life is coming into the world, whether he likes it or not, he is going to have to deal with it, he needs to go. I will go ahead and get the lawyer so that I can have the contract drawn up as I want it and he can agree. He is not very knowledgeable when it comes to things like this, paperwork, planning, especially with his anxiety disorder (except how to lie and cheat).