Man, this is useful as a "ventilation system."<P>OK, here's more fun stuff from my rapidly collapsing marriage:<P>- I talked to her lawyer - both she and I have yet to actually retain lawyers, so there was nothing improper about me calling her up to clarify something my wife had told me she said. Clarified that, and then the lawyer became the latest of STBXW's friends (has known her since high school) to say "I'm really sorry that this is happening to you, I know you've been a good father and tried to make a good family." And then: "But you know she gets an idea in her head, and nothing can talk her out of it. She's been that way since she was 14."<P>That sound you hear is gears meshing and machinery failing into place in my brain. Of course I know that about her- that strength of will is one reason I fell in love with her. So, five months ago, she decided she had to leave me, and nothing I did was going to stop that. She slowed down to help me process it, but she had no intention of working on the marriage. She has a plan, and she is going to see it through. It explains why nothign I do to try to meet her expressed emotional needs succeeds- she isn't meeting me halfway, or even 10% of the way. She isn't budging.<P>It's going a long way to relieving my guilt.<P>- Last night, after we put kids to bed, we both lay down on our bed and stared at the ceiling- it's been a tough week, not only because of the separation, but also I sprained my ankle and she's recovering from a tonsillectomy. So, we were just kind of decompressing.<P>A friend of ours called to say her latest boyfriend had broken up with her. A few months ago, when we were probably at the lowest point in our marriage, we went to see a play this friend had directed. We sat among this friend and the boyfriend, still fresh in infatuation phase, another divorced and soon to be remarried friend of the STBXW with her finance, and yet another recently divorced and now dating friend of the STBXW. The STBXW undoubtedly was affected by all this new love around her, and compared her plight with her friends' apparent joy.<P>It was all I could do (both at the time and last night) not to point out to STBXW that new infatuations often turn out badly, as our friend's just had. In the 10+ years STBXW and I have been together, this friend has had a string of boyfriends, from casual to near-live-in status. She goes through this heartbreak every few years or so, it seems. I'm very sorry she's been hurt again, but it was all I could do not to point out to STBXW: is this the life you want to lead now? You think you'll find a new and lasting love- how much pain are you willing to endure to find it, in comparison to whatever pain staying with me and rebuilding our marriage would cause? And once you find it, what then?<P>And don't even get me started about the man I think she's targeting: three kids by two different women living 150 miles apart (think he's got some anger issues to deal with?). Yes, maybe both his Xs are insane and he's a paragon. Or maybe he's just an average guy like me, good in some ways and annoying in others. Pull up my roots from your garden and plant him instead- how long until that bloom fades?<P>I'm reminded of a cruel graffito I once saw in a bar: "No matter how beautiful she looks now, someone somewhere is tired of her ****." Switch the genders, and it's still just as true- when she met me, someone somewhere (and I can give you names) was tired of my ****. Now she is, and instead of work on it the way I've expressed every willingness to, she just wants to run away and start fresh. <P>It hurts, but I can feel myself slowly detaching.

All in all, a positive outlook, and realistic assessment...shows that you are in good mental health...I guess! The only thing I might point out is that your guilt comes from her in some ways. Forgive yourself for your transgressions, forgive her, too. Then, your healing will begin, and who knows where that will lead you? Try to see a future, and keep out of the past. Be content in the present.<P>Nice vent...made me feel better, and I don't even know you!<BR>Take care, and God bless. -Mike