Boy, did I loose it this morning. Actually, for the first time, told him that I hated him. HATED HIM, wish I had never married him, wish I had never had children with him, hated him for what he has done to me and his family. Wish he and his whore happiness. I cannot believe I said all the terrible things that I did. But, believe it or not I do not feel guilty or bad about the things I said. I kind of feel relieved. I know this was big time lovebusting, but I have tried to be the "good wife". I have done plan A as best I could with absolutely NO results. Have tried some plan B, but hard to do with children. I get such conflicting responses from him. He is sorry that he is doing this to me, he feels guilty, he hates himself. But still wants a divorce, does not want counselling, does not want to give the other woman up, but according to him, really does not mean that much to him. What is wrong with this man? Is he the crazy one or is it me for trying to hold on to my marriage? I have trusted God for restoration, I have tried to put everything into his hands. I feel totally out of control when it comes to dealing with my husband. Sometimes I am so strong and then I go to pieces. Thank goodness he is not around to see those times. He does sometimes catch flack on the phone. Sometimes I see why he left me. He considers me boring!! Sometimes I agree, I am a little on the boring side. He has really messed with my mind. I have been posting some on the boards, but mainly sculking around and reading everyone else's stories. I don't see many success stories, just a lot of stories like mine. Kind of depressing. I am glad to have this board to read and post on for the support that everyone seems to give, I just wish I could see more happy endings.<P>Tina

I can't believe how many people here are telling my story over and over again! I feel for you ((((RH10)))).<P>Is he still living with you? I can't remember if he is or not. If so it must be an almost unbearable situation, and you are only human for losing it. The thing is, he may prefer this reaction because in a sense, it justifies all he thinks about you right now, and believe me, I know it doesn't help. I'm still learning to keep my mouth shut, every day I want to phone him or email and either berate him or accuse him of stuff, but I don't. I have made a deal with myself NOT to get into that again. And if we are going to divorce, it needs to be civil for the kids.<P>Thanks for replying to my post, and so you know that this time, I put up a wall, although it was a polite one, and he didn't seem to like it. He said "Oh, okay." in a very surprised tone of voice when I said I would go read my book and let the kids spend time with him. Mind you I sat there thinking, will I go and ask him to tell me the truth, again....no, don't do it, it's not going to get us anywhere.<P>I feel so much stronger this morning for not doing what he expected me to do, and I have no regrets now about all the nasty things I could have said and done. Because make no mistake, I am just as angry and as frustrated as you. It just doesn't work for him to see it right now.<P>So I'm not saying be a doormat, I am just suggesting that you withdraw as a safety barrier for yourself. This might mean a more concntrated effort in the Plan B area...do you have a place to go? He sounds confused a to what he wants. Does he need a wake up call. Of course Plan B IS risky, he may not want to reconcile. But sometimes you need space too. I didn't realise I needed space of my own until he left. It does help the thought processes, but it is still damned hard.<P>I wish you luck, Tina.<P>Jacky

Hi Rdhead10:<P>I am in the boat with you, as many of us are. I also have not found many success stories, but that does not mean that they do not happen. Somewhere in my tortured head I believe we can all be success stories. Whether we divorce or not. NOT letting him take any more of you, is a success in it self. I agree with Nina Too, try to withdraw a little. I have removed myself a little more from my H every day in the last week. It is hard to do it all at once, I know. Anger is natural, I just try not to let it out of my mouth, becasue I usually regret it after words.<P>Keep the faith and know we are all thinking of you!<P>Michelle

Hi RH10..<P>What you are going through is frustration that what you want/desire to happen isn't going to happen. In a day or two a calm will come over you and you will start to see a new dawn. A new sunrise on the potential of a new life for you and your childern. <P>Let it happen. Its natural in the flow of things. <P>Tex.

"""""I am glad to have this board to read and post on for the support that everyone seems to give, I just wish I could see more happy endings."""""<P>(((((Tina)))))<P>I don't know if you followed my story or not but I did just finalize my divorce last week. That my not be the happy ending that I desire but in time I'm sure it will be a happy ending never the less and when all the cards fall I WILL BE A BETTER PERSON, FATHER, & FUTURE HUSBAND.<P>I'm reminded of the old Garth Brooks song "Some of God's Greatest are UnAnswered Prayers".<P>Take care of yourself and use this board to VENT. We'll be here for you.<P>Hugs, Prayers, & Thoughts from Kansas<P>------------------<BR>Love, Bill<P>-There are none so blind as those who refuse to see!-<BR>-Stand up and do the right thing, even if your standing alone.-

Thanks to all for your responses. <P>Nina Too:<BR>He moved out over a year ago and still has not filed for divorce. I can't quite figure out why he hasn't. He says that he is not coming back. He still has an emotional attachment to me. I have always been the one that he leaned on. Now he doesn't have me to lean on, but still expects me to be there for him. Yes, I am going to try to plan B better. I truly have a stange situation - or at least most of my friends think so - small town, I live next door to his brother and wife - they have been sooooo supportive and cannot believe he is doing the things that he is. Will be married to him 19 years in Septmeber. So they know what kind of life we had together. His entire family thinks he has totally lost his mind. He is willing to lose everything for the sake of promiscuious (sp?) sex. He even agrees that he could probably use counselling, but refuses to go. <P>Eyes Wide Shut:<BR>I am trying to not let him take anymore of me. I AM THE ONE THAT IS HAVING A HARD TIME LETTING GO!! I don't know how to do it. I am in counselling myself right now with a good Christian counseller. He says that I need to mourn the death of my marriage. How do you mourn when the corpse keeps popping back up out of the grave!! I have to see this man almost every other day. It kills me!! He doesn't understand why seeing him upsets me so. <P>A Good Man in Texas:<BR>Thank you. I know that I have good days and bad days. Yesterday was just an esp. bad one. I do see better days for myself and my children. I just miss having someone to spend those days with.<P>Lost Husband:<BR>I don't think you are lost anymore! You have taken a step that I am afraid to take. I think in finalizing your divorce you have been truly able to move on with your life. I think, for myself right now, I am too chicken to move on. I am having a hard time letting go. A character flaw? I am usually such a strong person. When I look in the mirror now, I sometimes don't recognize the person looking back at me. My situation has been dragging on for a year now, I guess it is time for me to make some hard decisions about my life and what I want to do with it. Seeing all of these people on these boards making their way in life and coming out better in the end should be an inspiration for me and sometimes it is, but sometimes my heart just breaks for the terrible things that go on here. Glad to see that you and A Good Man in Texas are from my neighboring state. I am an OKIE!!<BR>Thanks,<BR>Tina

Red.<P>In regards to your reply to my post. <P>You will not believe how fast the change can be. You will find new people to have around quickly, I assure you.<P>Take care of yourself right now..<P>Tex.

Hey Tina,<P>I'm in the same shoes as you. My H has been living with the OW for over a year and doesn't want to give her up. He's stated on several occassions that he still loves me and doesn't want to loose me in his life, but he still doesn't want to get back together.<P>In January of this year, I went into Plan B. What's it's done for me is make it easier to accept the end. I still will always have some love for him and he will always be a part of me. But the day to day ups and downs are gone, for the most part. I finally have a small speck of hope for some kind of future....without him. Don't know what that will be, but I'm getting better every day...healing, growing, learning.<P>I know it must be very difficult to implement Plan B with kids, but the more you can withdraw from any interaction with him, the better off you will be (unless he desires reconcillation). What I did was whenever I have to interact with my H, I treated it like a business partner instead of getting emotionally involved. It helped me a bit to look at it like that.<P>By the way, you are NOT crazy for trying to hold onto your marriage. We ALL felt that way. And it's darn hard to consciously LET GO when you aren't the one who wanted to let go in the first place. My heart goes out to you.<P>Keep the faith!<BR>Aloha,<BR>Mrs.O<BR>

For me I never had a chance to confront ex or to have my say whether it be good or bad. When she left she completely cut me off and there has been no contact, she lives with OM now and divorce has been final. I think it is a natural part of the healing process to feel that anger and frustration, I read some where when the anger comes and you start to express it the end is near for you . You are begining to move on. Take care of yourself<BR>Tom<P>