Hi everyone, it's my first time on this board, here's my story: My wife of 4 years told me she is unhappy with our marriage. We have a 3 year old daughter and just bought a house in March. (We just signed our names to a 30 year mortgage and NOW she tells me she is unhappy!) We've been to two counselling sessions together and have a third session scheduled next week. My wife has said some mean, hurtful things to me, she wonders out loud if she married the right man and doesn't know what she wants. She said she needs to "find herself" and wants time away from me to sort things out. In a word she says we are "incompatible." I am confused, there is nothing terribly wrong with our marriage and she says I am "a husband a lot of women would love to have." I do most of the housework, am a good father and provider. How am I supposed to handle this? We are a two-income family and have a lot of bills. (living ckeck-to-check) I don't know how we/she can afford an apartment for her. Deep down, I think she wants out for good. Help! I'm lost, don't know up from down. What should I do?

Hi, and welcome to MB. I'm going to share a letter with some great links with you, but first, about your post:<P>I hate to ask this, but some of the things your W is saying sound like she might be involved with another man, either emotionally or physically. Is that possible?<P>She also sounds mid-life? How old is she? I say that because I had a "mid-life" crisis, and in year 18 of my past marraige had an affair with a co-worker. Could this be your reality too?<P>Now, here's the letter... Please read it, and follow the links...and then ask tons of questions, and keep posting!!<P><I>Hello and Welcome to Marriage Builders!<P>First, I would like to share two links with you. Just click on the underlined links here, and read –><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi10_tour.html" TARGET=_blank>Tour of Marriage Builders</A> and <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000553.html" TARGET=_blank>General Welcome</A>. <P>Please read everything you can on this site, post and read often!! <P>I have been betrayed and betrayer, so I have the dubious honor of knowing what infidelity does from BOTH SIDES of the situation. <P>I believe in the concepts espoused here, if applied properly. One idea that has worked *wonders* for some couples is Plan A. Read about it here –><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>What Are Plan A and Plan B</A>.<P>Use what you learn here to make your marriage a safe place where you do your best to meet the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3300_needs.html" TARGET=_blank>Emotional Needs</A> of your spouse,and avoid <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3400_lovebust.html" TARGET=_blank>Love Busters</A> whenever possible. . When a decision must be made, use the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3500_policy.html" TARGET=_blank>POJA</A> to determine the final outcome that you can both agree upon.<P>Many couples find that counseling is VERY helpful, and the counseling provided here is excellent for several reasons; but the most important is that it goes along with the concepts here. Check it out here –> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7000_counsel.html" TARGET=_blank>Counsel Link</A><P>Again, welcome to our community, and feel free to write often and ask lots of questions!</I><BR><P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<P>And we know. We who have seen. ~Pellegrino

Those of us who have been here a long time have seen this same scenario play out with dismaying frequency. Regardless of whether you suspect it or not, you must undertake a diligent search for the Other Man (OM), if you want to save your marriage. Whether it's just an EA (emotional attachment), or a PA (Physical Affair), it is poison. If she stopped confiding in you, she must have started confiding in someone else, and once that happened she developed an attachment to them instead of you. Few folks (sad to say, even battered and verbally abused) are unhappy enough to jump out of a marriage and into an abyss ... there's likely someone there to catch her. Root that out, and you have a chance to save your marriage. Stay ignorant ... and the likelihood drops to near-zero.

Nyneve, I'm 33, my wife is 27(will be 28 in 2 weeks) She's awfully young to be going through a mid-life crisis, but she IS going through a crisis. I haven't found evidence of another man but it doesn't mean I'm not looking....Thanks for the tips.