Hi all,<P>It appears as if I am really stepping into my new life and putting away the "leftovers" of my broken marriage. Little by little it is getting easier for me. Still moments, (hours) of pain and grief but it's nice to know that this lets up sometimes. <P>hopefulheart

(((hopefulheart)))<P>I'm right there with you. Everyday I get a little stronger and do a little more healing. The down times are still there but they don't linger quite as long. I've gotten to know someone who is really a great person, MYSELF. <P><P>------------------<BR>Love, Bill<P>-There are none so blind as those who refuse to see!-<BR>-Stand up and do the right thing, even if your standing alone.-

Hey LostHusband,<P>It can be great once the corner is turned, the pain is cleared away, and the connection with our self shows up! The place I seem to connect most with myself is on my long beach walks. Peace....In the moment....happy with myself. <P>I'm glad to hear I'm not alone in this journey of healing and self-discovery. I have a strong feeling we will both be so much stronger and at peace with who we are. Letting go of the old chapter and moving into the new one. When one door closes, another opens.<P>All the best to you,<BR>hopefulheart

I know what you mean about those long walks. Of course, from Kansas, it would be a REAL long walk to the beach.<P>Every evening I go for a long walk in my little town. Wheat fields as far as the eye can see and being in the country the stars just seem to shine a lot brighter.<P>Whether it's the beach or the stars He sure did paint a pretty picture for us to look upon.<P>Take care

Dear LostHusband,<P>You painted such a beautiful picture of your walks. I was almost there!<P>Thanks for sharing that. <P>hopefulheart

Totally off the subject here, when did you pick your screen name.<P>I mean was it pre-divorce and you were hoping to save the marriage or post-divorce and you were hoping to be able to love again.<P>Just curious.

I certainly can agree with both of your guys. I think the corner for me was in January of this year.<P>I still do have days when it all hits me again. And even tho I feel that I've done lots of healing, learning, etc., I still wonder sometimes "what went wrong?" It's still unbelieveable to me that my H could just stop so abruptly one relationship (long-term) and start another, without so much as a blink of the eye.<P>Anyway, the future finally looks somewhat bright, even tho I have absolutely no idea what it holds. I FEEL hopeful at least.<P>Keep the faith, gang!<BR>Aloha,<BR>Mrs.O<BR>

Dear LostHusband,<P>That's a good question about my screen name. It was choosen pre-divorce. I was really trying to find tools to save my marriage when I choose it and came to MB. Problem is I was the only one willing to do the work required to make it work. <P>Your question did make me think. Is this name still right for me, given my change in circumstances? Well, it still fits! My heart is open and I am hopeful. No matter what happens to me, it seems I always go back to this inner-connection at some point. I guess you could say, I am a real survivor. <P>This screen name also fits regarding a future love relationship. I am currently hopeful about that occurring in the future and my heart is open to it. I'm certain it will happen. But for now, I am happy reconnecting with me. This is a big turning point for me. Not to feel I MUST be in a relationship to be happy. This is growth. I plan to enjoy this as much as possible.<P>In my world, it seems everything is in flux, transition, changing. It's nice to know I can count on my screen name to stay the same! <P>Thanks for asking, LostHusband,<P>hopefulheart

LostHusband,<P>Please tell me about your screen name as well. You don't sound like you are still lost to me!<P>Thanks.<P>Hopefulheart

I never believed it could get better but it has. I now have more good days than I do bad. The pain and frustration still come and go but I have learned to deal with it and just let go alittle more each time. It is important to reconnect with ourselves and the world around us. I am happy because I am here, I survide what I thought was the worst nightmare of my life. I am amazed at all the loving caring people who just stood up and took my hand and allowed me to walk with them for awhile, it has help restore my faith in people and the world. I believe that inspite of what has happened to us that we are the big winners in the end and the WS's are the big loosers we have gained the most out of this experience. Take care<P>

Dear Jabber,<P>You are so right about us being the winners here. My soon to be ex's life appears so shallow to me right now. Maybe I am wrong about that but it does seem that way. I am reconnecting with life in ways I hadn't thought possible while he is doing the same old thing. Smoking pot and drinking to ease the pain, no real friendships, counseling support, or fun in his life. I also notice that whenever he sees me going here or there, (rejoining life,) he questions me - suggests that I am seeing someone else (I'm not) and wants to "hold on to me" emotionally. I believe I am really leaving him behind. Letting go. This feels so good after trying so very hard to make things work between us. I thought my life was over but I see it is just beginning. I could not have imagined the personal growth and happiness that awaited me down the road. I am actually beginning to feel like it was worth all the pain. Well, maybe it was way too much pain. But to soar spiritually and emotionally is so wonderful.<P>I love hearing from others who are also feeling this way. I am sure I will still have some "downer days" as has been pointed out here. However, compared to the ongoing suffering I did for the last two years of my marriage, I think I can handle it!!! <P>Take care and thanks for sharing.<BR>hopefulheart

hopefulheart,<P>I found this board after my wife told me she wanted to get divorced and the name I chose just stated how I felt. The two most important jobs in my life we being a father and being a husband.<P>In my situation, there was no need at all for divorce that I know of. No abuse, no addiction, no affairs (that I know of) so when she blindsided me I just felt LOST.<P>I still have this burning desire to become a husband again. Only this time do all the things that were done wrong before, right. For now, I am getting to know myself, healing, and really having a pretty darn good time.<P>Like you, I think I'll keep the name for now.<BR><P>------------------<BR>Love, Bill<P>-There are none so blind as those who refuse to see!-<BR>-Stand up and do the right thing, even if your standing alone.-

Dear LostHusband,<P>I had a couple of thoughts after reading your response about your screen name. It sounds like you don't know what happened in your marriage to make it break down the way it did. That could be a real area of growth and exploration for you. I bet you would learn so much about yourself. I guess that's just me. I would be so frustrated if I didn't know that for myself. You may feel different.<P>Secondly, have you done any dating? I'm interested in hearing about people's experiences here as I explore this area myself. I'm trying to sort it all out. My only firm guideline is not until after December 28th. (Divorce is final) Other than that, I don't know what I'm doing. People appear to be so divided on this issue here.<BR>Any thoughts?<P>All the best to you,<BR>hopefulheart

hopefulheart,<P>Unfortunately, I do know why my marriage ended early. There may be other details that I don't know (i.e. affairs) but those are details I don't wish to explore.<P>As for dating I have not done that yet. My divorce was final July 10th. I do plan on having a very casual date soon. Nothing at all serious. I'm going to take that all real slow. I know at times it seems that dating would help cure some of the lonliness of our situation but I believe you should cure the lonliness before you start dating.<P><P>------------------<BR>Love, Bill<P>-There are none so blind as those who refuse to see!-<BR>-Stand up and do the right thing, even if your standing alone.-

LostHusband,<P>Thanks for your response to my questions. <P>I agree with you wholeheartedly about working through the loneliness before moving into another relationship. I have a very strong feeling that if I don't do that, I will only attract someone who wants to "rescue" me. That implies that I am weak, and I'm not!<P>I am currently working very hard on healing myself and actively pursue every opportunity to grow and learn. <P>Today I am enrolling in a weekend workshop at the Esalen Institute in Big Sur, California. Being in Kansas, I'm sure you don't know what that is. Well, it is devoted to exploration of human potential. A blend of East/West philosophies with many opportunities for experiential work and learning. This institute overlooks the coastline, high on a cliff, with natural hotsprings and a healing environment. I can't wait!!<P>One major goal I have for myself is to develop a long-term relationship with a man who is emotionally and spiritually whole and complete. I expect that from myself as well. If I were to get into a relationship now, all my growth would be hindered. A price too big to pay. Like you, however, I really do have a burning desire to be loved and married again. Someday....<P>So today I focus on rebuilding a strong sense of self, independence, and happiness. I feel I own it to myself AND to whoever my next love is.<P>Take care, LostHusband. <P>I wish you a life of healing and peace with more love in your future then you can handle!!!<P>hopefulheart