I am currently torn. My husband of 3 years (we have a child together, a planned one), (he has one from a previous marriage, and I have 3, are currently separated. I love him and he says he loves me. We just can't seem to get past the ex's, money problems and emotional needs. I feel that my needs are seldom met and his seem to be only sex. I feel at torment because we can't be together. I have asked GOD to intervene. I have been thrown into a situation with my ex husband. Because of curcumstances with my husband, my children and i are living with my ex husband. He has no o/w in his life and believes that we are now a couple. This arrangement is getting to me. I want to stay faithful to my husband, i'm praying GOD will work on his heart and restore our marriage. I've been told by a counselor to let (it) go, not the marriage tho. Give everything time. Discover myself. Get on with my life. etc. This bothers me, because i want a life with my husband. I'm not sure anymore about my marriage. If he still will want our marriage after all this. My children adore this living arrangement we are in now. When children and ex's are involved things get very confusing. I feel torn between my children and my husband. My youngest son is 1yr old. The others are 12, 8, 6. I do not show them that living this way is right, just a stepping stone until we get on our feet. My children see (mommie and daddy) I have no car, a home of our own, or a job as of yet. I receive child support from my ex husband. But my ex assumes because we are here, i'm his. We do not sleep together, although it would be easy to slip back into a relationship with him, i do not feel a need or want for this to happen. We had a rocky past also, and i feel that he thinks he can (make up) for all past wrongs - towards me and the children. I don't know if GOD has chosen this path for me to show me that this current relationship can be made right or that my marriage is over or what. I'm so confused. My husband has been put into a mental facilty because his world has come crashing in on him and he has been only thinking of finding me and i guess he thinks everything would be ok. Thats not reality. There were alot of lies and dishonesty on his part, having to do with his ex wife. He has said that all that is over with now. But i just don't believe it. His ex has caused alot of problems for us, in our marriage and as a family. My husband had grown to resent my children because of his ex and their child together. She has controlled his life, his feelings and his actions. She butted in everytime he let her. My ex stayed out of it until it was effecting our children. My husband had no job, we lost our home...pain, pain, pain. This story has alot of filling in to do, but this in the jist of it. I want my marriage. But i don't know if on his part its love or loneliness. And i'm not sure i could trust him again. Everyone says time time time. But as i see it, if i let it go and go on with my life, we are going in opposite directions. Not working on it together. I just don't know what to do. I hurt also because i can't be there for my husband, he's in Ga i'm in WV. He does not know where i'm at because the state intervened on my kids behalf. I was told not to tell him where i'm at because he's unstable. I don't know what to think or do. I just pray to GOD. I figure if i don't know, he does, and i will see in time. But what about now? What about now.

Ae you nabout being there for your husband or your ex-husband? This is not clear at all. And who is in the institution?<P>I know you have to say what is in you heart, as we all do here, but it is really unclear as to who is who! Give it another try, we are with you!<P>

I will tell you how I feel about this...and you can relate it to your situation, okay?<P>First of all, get out of your XH's house...and let your <B>current</B> husband know where you are...you need to be accessible to him...and safe. How you go about that is up to you. You will see no restoration in your current situation...only cause more pain for all involved.<P>Putting things, and distance between you and your H will only make things worse.<P>You must understand that God does not 'intervene' in ways that we can understand. In other words, he will not change your H's <B>mind, or his heart</B>, remember that we are creatures of <I>free will</I>. It is not his nature to deny that. What he will do, through you, is show your H that you are just the kind of wife that <B>he</B> prays for.<P><A HREF="http://www.restorem.org" TARGET=_blank>Restore Ministries</A> can help you in this process, but you must be fully committed to the marriage, and God in order for it to work. Only you can answer that question.<P>Be extremely careful about the counsel you seek in this. Most of the advice you are hearing will only serve to complete the destruction of your marriage. So far, you have seen to that with your actions. That is unfortunate, because you thought that you were serving everyone's best interests....do you feel that that is what has transpired? I do not.<P>I am sorry for your pain, and your situation...this has happened to you twice now. That doesn't make you a bad person, but I suspect that you take bad advice that sounds good when you hear it. I also feel that you do not take the driver's seat in your life, but yield it to others that you trust. How about making Jesus Christ your master? That works pretty well! Take care....seriously...you are important, and loved...quit denying that. I will pray. -Mike<P>[This message has been edited by waiting_for_her (edited July 22, 2001).]<p>[This message has been edited by waiting_for_her (edited July 23, 2001).]

P.S. Nina...Do you have a wireless keyboard? Don't you just love them?! BATTERIES!

Thanks for your advice, Mike. Yesterday was easier than most in a long time. For one, I quit smoking!<P>Also talked to my husband. He said "can't I tell he loves me" i said "no". He doesn't have a job, a place for us to live, all 6 of us. He just professes his love for me and thats suppose to be enough. I do believe he loves me, but not the way he should. His actions have always proved he can easily lie to me and manipulate me. Then profess his love for me and eveything is suppose to be ok. Well its not, not anymore. I've decided its time to stand up for myself. Even before your suggestions Mike, I was already on my way. <P>My husband is suppose to be released today. He was admitted to a mental facility last wednesday, our baby's 1st. birthday. My husband lost it. I felt guilty because i could'nt be there for him. And maybe that I somehow caused all this. (BUT) I refuse to take responsibility for the actions of others. I've always been good at making excuses for someone.<P>I put my worry in GOD's hands. I gave all of it to him yesterday. I have NO headache today, I have NOT cried today. I'm used to putting others needs before my own. I asked God to help me sort this out. His reply was "You will see clearly child".<BR>I've tried to interpret this into my daily life. Stepping back to take a second look, before I jump to conclusions. Trying to keep things as simple as possible.<P>I don't know what the future holds. And i've been working on being the kind of woman GOD wants me to be.<P>I still haven't told my husband where i am...he would not appreciate me being here with my ex. Until i can get a restraining order, he won't know where i'm at. This is the only part of all this i still worry about, not being honest with him is killing me. But the safety of my children and myself outways anything else. <P>I'm looking into finding a place on my own, but without a car and with 4 kids, its not easy. <P>I thought my marriage was over...I'm still not sure if it is or not. I'm just putting my trust and faith in God. Taking things one day at a time. Thanks all. <P>Deb <BR>