My H came over yesterday to see the kids. He had told me he was coming at lunch time, and I had made arrangements to see a movie, have lunch with my friend. I hadn't told him, because he doesn't want me to contact him. But as he is usually punctual, this didn't bother me.<P>At 1 o'clock, he still wasn't here, and my son was getting anxious, so was I, so I said he could call his dad (our arrangement is that he can call his dad whenever he wants). So he did, and H said he would get here at two. I was annoyed because my plans were now altered, but he didn't know I suppose. So I just got myself ready anyway, and my sweet friend was very nice about the change in plans, we aranged to meet for coffee instead.<P>Now when he got here, I kept emotionally distant, as has been my resolve, so I didn't berate him for being late and so on. The first look he gave me, it was obvious that he liked what he saw. I haven't seen that light in his eyes for SUCH a long time. He still looked stressed but also pleased to see me, which hasn't been the case for ages. Then he TOUCHED me, kind of rubbed my arm as he asked me how I was. Hasn't touched me for a while either. And asked me what my plans were. Previously couldn't care less.<P>I told him what I was doing and that we'd had to change our plans because he was late (in the NICEST possible way), and he actually apologised and says that I should have called him....yeah, but he said not to and I am giving him his space. I also suggested that when he tells the kids he's coming at a cetain time he should not be late because they become anxious, and he agreed. So I asked him what kept him late and he said he had still been in bed when my son called....I said he must have been tired, and he said "Well there's nothing else to do!" And of course I thought, but that is YOUR choice. <P>All in all it was the most conversation we've had in the two weeks since he left, and though I tried not to, I got hopeful.<P>The lead balloon hit this morning because I asked the kids about their time with dad and he did really nice daddy things with them, which is nice, but doesn't make up for the fact that he's not here. And I knew he was intending on discussing things with our son, so I asked him what his dad had said. My son said dad would be visiting us in Australia at Christmas...so obviously he still wants us to leave S.A. and nothing has changed. <P>Just need some feedback on all of this!

just be patient and keep doing the things you are doing, pehaps the fog is starting to lift<P>

Thanks jabber. I keep trying to tell myself that, but I feel so, so low today.

Nina too,<P>You are doing great...you got his interest going. You did not look like a victim.<P>This is slow slow stuff Nina. You have to really go on about your life, do what you need to do, and be good to yourself. I made the mistake of not really changing...just looking together and independent when H came over...not good. Don't worry what's going on in his foggy head, you will drive yourself crazy trying to guess...it is absolutley impossible.<P>It's hell when you get mixed messages, but be prepared, you'll get a lot of them. Try not to make too much of them, try not to ask him where he's been, keep it light. You want him to wonder where YOU have been? Nothing wrong with flirting a bit...he IS your husband, but...well remember dating...be that girl, fun. <P>Have you read "love must be tough" by Dobson...he says all of this much better than i can. that book helped me a lot. Now, i don't want you to think i saved my marriage, i didn't...but i still learned a lot.<P>You can do this.<P>allison

Thanks az allison, you really perked me up, because if you read my later post you will see that may day had not ended here. I feel so bad, the kids are suffering, I didn't have much strength to console them today. All I can think is why, why, why? It wasn't that bad. It is still such early days, I just can't believe he wants a divorce. He wants to talk about the future but not how I want to. He just wants us out of his life, in a nice way, if there is such a thing. It just got to me so much today. I have been fighting the tears all day.