Hey everyone! I posted my story on an AOL bulletin board, but you guys seem a little more willing to help so I am going to share my story:<P>Hey everyone....my ex and I have been divorced for about 2 weeks. We were together for 6 years and were best friends before anything. The divorce was pretty messy considering we werent fighting over very much. Well, last night we talked on the phone for 5 hours...we argued, laughed, cried...the whole works. He told me for the first time in a long time he felt like he was talking to "me" and not his "ex wife"...he said there are so many ways that<BR>our hearts connect and that he loves a lot about me, but the things he doesn't like were important enough to overshadow the good things. Well he is leaving for nyc on Friday...we are supposed to see each other before he leaves....also we have a 3 year old son...he has wanted to move to try to become a professional actor since before I even knew him. He's excited yet scared at the same time, doesnt know how he's going to feel leaving his son, etc <BR>Anyway, he said he doesnt regret the decision to divorce, because our relationship was not working...he said he loves talking to me, and if anything were to develop again he wouldn't push it away....he is very physically attracted to me, so that was never a problem....in my opinion, I think we just rushed into the marriage, and also both had these false expectations of what marriage should be instead of just being ourselves.<P>Okay, my questions--any advice on how I should act when we go out before he leaves? About when we talk on the phone? Its so much easier to be rude to him, because when we actually have good conversations, I feel sad...he said that it doesnt make any sense though to just talk if its a guarantee that we are going to get back together because how could he possible get those feelings back if we dont talk as friends or whatever....also he says space is<BR>very important because it gives us a chance to heal and forget the bad about the person and see them in a fresh light again...he says he would bet money that people who did remarry each other or get back together had a lot of space and didn't just connect again right away...he said if we could do that then why did we divorce in the first place. I would appreciate any advice and would love to hear about people who actually did remarry....he is my<BR>best friend and I know that there is no one else that I'm supposed to be with....I have been asked out soo much the last week and I know that even if I went, I would never be as satisfied as with him....he said he doesnt want to go out with anyone right now...that he's not emotionally ready...so I know there isn't another girl involved....Thanks and sorry this is soo long!!!!<P><P>------------------<BR>Val

Hi winchet:<P>Being friends is very important and I think you have that down well. I think you need to be yourself when you two meet. Be happy and carefree, look your best, and show him that you are not sitting around waitng for him to find himself. <P>Lots of people divorce and remarry. Time does heal wounds if you let them. Sounds to me like you have a good chance to make it work, but remember it takes "two" to want to make it work.<P>You are right about one thing for sure, the people here on mB will help you and comfort you. It is like a sarogate family.<P>My thoughts and prayers are with you.<P>Michelle

Thanks for your comments on my thread.<P>A big difference is that Rick and I did date other people after the divorce. Technically, he started before the actual court date .. but after we had both signed the papers. I started about 1 month after the divorce. We had also been separated for about 11 months before the divorce ... we didn't call it "separated" ... we said that I was supporting him while he went back to college. Anyway, my point is that we did have our own space for awhile and the freedom to date other people and develop new friendships. I think it was important that we both dated other people after the divorce because we were high school sweethearts who had never really dated anybody else. <P>However, throughout the "separation", through the divorce proceedings and while we were dating other people .. we remained friends. We at least saw each other once a month and talked on the phone at least every other week even though he was 6 hours away (driving). I forwarded his mail to him in packages and I always included a little note to say "Hi, how is everything going? This is what I am doing ....."<P>A big change for me was when I realized that I would be happy with him and that I would be happy without him. I let him go and he decided to come back. When he first came back, I think it helped him for me to just be his friend and LISTEN. I didn't bring up all his past mistakes ... I just talked to him like an old friend. I didn't get all mushy and lovey dovey. I just treated him like an old friend that I hadn't seen in a long time.<P>We both made new friends and learned new skills during the separation and divorce. I signed up for community school classes and developed new friendships with females. When I did date for 1.5 months, I did it slowly. <P>While I was doing the Plan A and trying to get him to come back after D-Day, I decided that I would do the Plan A for 6 months and not date for those 6 months. But, if he wasn't back in 6 months ... I was planning to begin dating again. <P>I guess my point is that if you truely want him back ... be his friend and don't date other men for a set time period... work on yourself and develop your female friendships... but, if it doesn't look like you are getting back together after your time period is up ... then you know that it is time to let go and move on.<P>Love yourself. YOU are going to be happy with him and YOU are going to be happy without him.<P>------------------<BR>Jennidy<P>"Work like you don't need the money,<BR>Love like you've never been hurt, and<BR>Dance like no one's watching."

<P>Thank you so much for your advice...I hope that he comes back more than anything!