My wife had an affair. I could forgive her, in time. My wife wants time to live alone to try to be happy. I can give her time. My wife wants to be left alone to deal with things. Now I don't know what to do with myself.<P>I love her very much. I want her to come home. I understand the problem of chasing her and the need to back off. But damn, its so hard. <P>I'm starting to see a therapist for my own unhappiness, but I don't know what to do with myself between work and therapy sessions. I sit at home and try to make sure the puppies are happy and taken care of, but most nights I sit in utter dread that I'll never see her again.<P>I've talked to her mother twice and e-mailed her sister several times in the last week and they still talk to me and are friendly. They don't tell me much, either because they don't know or more likely they have been instructed not to. And I try not to call her, but it is so hard when I care so much for her. I've even talked to her a couple of times, but she always talks of being so tired, so confused and that she doesn't know what to say. She even called me Sunday crying. I want to think that she's just having some difficulty dealing with stuff from her childhood like she's indicated many times, but I think she's either still interested in the affair and wants that to be her new life or she just wants to find someone else.<P>She didn't want to do marriage counseling, but I did. Our marriage wasn't that bad. We just didn't communicate. I would think you could fix that with some work. Why just give up?<P>I'm just having a bad day I think. I got a call from the bank when I got home tonight saying that she had called to change her address and did I need to change mine.<P>I am miserable right now.

I could have written most of your post- believe me, you are not alone in this. It has helped me a lot to post here, to talk to friends and family, to write in my journal, and to find things to do to keep my hands occupied. <P>My counselor said something very wise- "you're not enjoying anything now, and you won't for a while. But think of the things you used to enjoy, or that you'd like to try, and do them. The first 25 times, you won't enjoy it, but sooner or later it will come back." I don't know about you, but my house needs painting, and I've got woodwork to replace, and I won't like it much, but if I keep at it, I'll be pleased.<BR>

Your words sounded so familiar. I think most of us on this board know the feelings that you are having. Thing will get better & worse for you. If you are like me, it will depend on what side of the bed you get up on. Try to post here and read all the post you can. There are some wise people here. Don't give up on yourself. I am in the same boat you are. I do not enjoy anything right now. I put on a face for my kids, but they know I do not have much joy in my life right now. Hang in there. Take care of yourself. You are worth the work!<P>Tina

Truly it does get better. My H left me for the OW last December. I felt exactly the way that you do. Unfortunately, I didn't find MB for a few months. I dragged myself through every day and felt desperate to get my H to leave the OW and return home. With the help of MB, as well as Al-Anon since my H is an alcoholic, I slowly got better. <P>I personally think faith in God is very important. I was angry at God because I had just begun to feel better after going through a diagnosis of breast cancer, mastectomy, chemotherapy, radiation, and reconstructive surgery when the A began. I struggled to fix things on my own for quite a while. When I turned my H and the OW over to God, things finaly started to get better. The first 3 steps of Al-Anon/AA can be applied to this situation as well:<P>1. We admitted we were powerless over our spouses' affairs and our lives had become unmanageable.<BR>2. Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.<BR>3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood God.<P>When you do this, I believe that things really start to get better, whether your spouse ends the A and returns home or not. There's lots of support here so keep posting.