Iam new here.I have been lurking for months.Okay what i dont understand is how people can come in to eachothers life, fall in love and then 9 years later tear ther entire being apart. My husband threw me and my 3 ch.. out of our house about 3 months ago.He said he needed time to find himself.That just sounds so lame to me. Okay what about me and his children? What are we supose to do.

Self absorbed people don't consider the feelings or needs of others when they act. <P>Take care of yourself and your children. Do what you need to do legally to provide for and protect them! Don't wait for him to 'think of you' or 'think of them' it really won't happen!<P>Get counseling for yourself and your kids and move forward with your lives - don't let him hold you back or keep you from being the best Mom your kids could ever find!<P>TAke care of you!!!

(((alloutofhope)))<P>First off, welcome to the board and let me be the first to say that I'm sorry your here. On the bright side, there are many people here who have been through it all and offer good advice or will listen when you just want to vent.<P>I got that whole "I need to find myself", "Not IN-LOVE", and "Not Happy" speech myself about half a year ago. We are now divorced and she still does not put the needs of our children above her own desires. So I am having to go the legal route to ensure that their best interests are looked after. So I'm going to echo "seekingjoy" you need to protect (legally) and take care (emotionally and physically) of yourself and your precious children.<P>We are here when you need us.<P>Hugs, Thoughts, & Prayers<P>------------------<BR>Love, Bill<P>-There are none so blind as those who refuse to see!-<BR>-Stand up and do the right thing, even if your standing alone.-

Yes, <B>Welcome!</B><P>Bill...I'm there, man....let us know how things turn out today, okay?<P>{{{{{ AOH }}}}}....it happens...it just does. Like seekingjoy said, self-absorbed folks are just that...and it does you little good to spend your time relating everything to him...be very aware of that...now, there are two people only thinking of him...that's a bit much, don't you think? You needn't go full tilt the other way, either. There exists a content (not happy, don't confuse yourself) middle ground between thinking only of ourselves, and thinking only of others. I try to remember at all times to think of it in two ways...how do I relate to others, and how do they relate to me? I also tend to try and examine how one person relates to another one. There are models of good interaction that I notice, and I incorporrate then into my relationships, as well.<P>The whole world isn't that way, although it might seem like it...society is in serious turmoil...there is no definitive social interaction model at work in society today, and things are quite chaotic...we get a very detailed view of that by being BS, and it seems like WASes are modelling the prevailing 'me-first-and-only' model that has taken over by default. Sadly, it is the deterioration of the familial unit that is largely responsible for that...looks like our situations only throw gasoline on that fire...but, we can still break the cycle by comporting ourselves in a healthy manner to our children. Work at a resolution to our marital problems without being too, well...pathetic in the process...there is more at stake than your marriage, and indeed your sanity in this.<P>We need to be strong enough, and integrated enough for at least two people...likely more...at last count, it was six in my case....whoah! (XW and I have four boys...how do you think they perceive my model at this point? Questionable at best...) Let's get busy. -Mike