Hi there,<P>Just my 2 cents worth here. <P>Just do what you are doing, girl, and I'll tell you why...it makes YOU feel better. If you're not doing any love busting stuff, you have no remorse over what you said and did. Okay, he's not appreciating it, but we are supposed to Plan A for ourselves, with no expectations.<P>I had a situation today, where I could have blown it big time. But with help from friends here, I didn't. I am SO happy that I didn't. I have my self-respect. You might think that is nothing, but the reality of everyone's situation on this board, is that it is ALL we might have left at the end of the day. <P>Something to think about. I hope I didn't offend you, I really do.<P>I wish you well.<P>Take care! And take care of YOURSELF!!!

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by sballplyr:<BR><B>WHAT'S WRONG?<P>I am tired of not feeling loved. I am tired of not feeling needed. I am tired of the confusion. I am tired of the unknown status of our relationship. I am tired of not being able to show affection to my husband. I am tired of having one-way conversations. I am tired of not being able to tell him I love him. I am tired of him sleeping in a different room. I miss my best friend, my companion and my lover. These are all things that I cannot tell him because he is tired of talking about our problems. That is why I can't answer the question of WHAT'S WRONG.<BR></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Michele,<P>This quote was taken out of context for a reason. It is understood that all this makes sense to you. You have an awful lot built up inside you. Now, how can your H get through all that without becoming overwhelmed? As you presented it, my dear friend, that may be a daunting task. <P>Surprisingly few people look forward to a conversation that starts out with: "I don't want to start an argument, BUT, let me tell you what is WRONG with YOU. Thank God you chose to express youself here first before taking it to your H. <P>You're absolutely right, you cannot tell him "What is Wrong" if all this is the case. Or at least you cannot tell that to him all at once. If you tried to say that to him all at once it might not be be received as sharing. There is a very good chance it would be percieved as a browbeating. The situation didn't get that way overnight, and it won't resolve itself overnight either. There just is no instant success, and there is no instant experience either.<P>Here is an observation from someone totally unqualified to say this: The entire post seems to consist of very subjective observations. How about going back over it, and just concentrate on the number of times this post refers to I, I am, me or my? <P>No one can deal with all those problems at once, each must be worked at one at a time, a little at a time, one day at a time. <P>Your post does a great job of explaining the "I need". Your H might even post some very similar thoughts on his needs. But the needs of the marriage kind of got lost as expressed in this thread. They are there, but the reader really has to search for the tender loving words hiding here. Somehow, you need to get those words up front, and voiced in a way they can easily be heard.<P>You and the children really do need answers. This might be a great time to look for tactful approaches.<P>Thought for the day:<P>Never set off an Atomic Bomb to light a cigarette. It may be considered a serious breach of ettequite. ...... Ozymandias Foofnic<P>Prayers and stuff,<P>Bumper <P>

It has taken me a while to gather my thoughts today. I have been lurking but have not been able to put my weekend into words yet but I am going to give it a try.<P>This weekend was an emotional roller coaster. On top of everything that is going on with me and my H, my mom and dad moved out of state this weekend so me and the kids had a very emotional weekend.<P>Anyway, back to Friday on the topic where my 6 yo. brought to my attention that July was ending soon and she wanted to know if daddy was still leaving. Well, my H again on Friday asked me WHAT's WRONG so I finally told him (without LB'ing) what our daughter asked me. He commented with a "that's all that bothering you because you seem like there is more bothering you than that". So I asked him if he really wanted to know WHATs WRONG and he said "Yes". I chose to tell him only of couple of items on my list I posted earlier in this thread so I wouldn't freak him out. I told him "I am tired of not feeling needed", "I am tired of not feeling loved" and "that I was tired of being confused". He actually apologized for me having these feelings. We talked a little more about the fact the kids have a RIGHT to know what is going on and he could only tell me he still doesn't know but that he is still at the house because he does want this to work out.<P>Now onto later Friday night, we had a minor fight over a stupid Ping Pong game, anyway, we worked through that quickly. As the night came to an end, I told him goodnight and I was headed to my room when he stopped me. So I stayed out on the couch with him for a little while and we started talking more about our relationship (a conversation that I did not bring up), and it we talked more about how the kids NEED to know what is going on and that they have been so happy lately because mom and dad have been getting along. During the conversation, we talked about how he has noticed that I am making good progress in the areas I have been concentrating on changing but that he "DOES NOT BELIEVE IN ME" because I have changed before. He could not give me details into what he meant by that comment and I did not push because I did not want to have a fight. Anyway, the conversation then led to touching and playfulness and we headed off to the bedroom, that is when more confusion set in. He said he wanted to "make love" to me but did not want to give me "false hopes". What does that mean? So I said fine, I understand. Once he saw that I was willing to give up, he wouldn't leave the bedroom and we proceed to make love.<P>Saturday rolls around and we are off to help my mom and dad move. The day is going just fine until my parents were unable to get the other moving truck so I called the place on the phone and with much determination, was able to get them their other truck. My H was there during the whole conversation I had with the moving company and says to me "If I was the guy on the phone, I wouldn't have done anything to help you. You can't be rude to people in customer service and you should have handled it a different way." Well, this of course upset me and I LB'd by telling saying "If you had all the answers to solved this problem, why didn't you make the call yourself." I know, I shouldn't have said it but with all the emotions of my mom and dad moving, I slipped. After that comment, I took a walk around the block and came back and apologized to him and he did me. The rest of the day went fine.<P>We had a good Saturday after that and Saturday night went well too. It's now time for bed Saturday night and just like Friday, I tell him goodnight and proceed to bed and he stops me again and carries me to the bedroom and we "make love" and he lets me know that I am "still the one" that does it for him. Should I be confused or should I still let this happen?<P>It's now Sunday and we finish moving mom and dad and things are still going good. He had to leave to take a nap because he was working and overnight last night and I had to take the kids to a birthday party. I called to wake him up later that afternoon and we are on the phone maybe 10 seconds and he wants to know if I am mad at him. I have no idea where that came from but I noticed he does this when things are going good between us. It is kind of like the WHAT's WRONG question.<P>Anyway, to make a long story short, he still shows no signs that he is leaving and he definitely does not want to tell the kids anything right now. By the way, he called me this morning before he got off work to see how I was doing.<P>What am I to make of all of this? I know it is long but you all have been so great in helping me through this.<P>Michele

Sounds like your H is pretty confused himself. <P>Plan A, Plan A, Plan A. He's obviously still in love with you - but very much untrusting. It may take some months and alot of 'tests' on his part to determine that your changes are genuine and not simply manipulation.<P>It sounds like you are handling things very well. I found it very helpful when trying to implement a Plan A with an H that wasn't cooperating to print out the Love Busting questionairre, and change all the questions to reflect upon myself. Examining my own actions towards my H with the love busting questions as a guide was VERY eye opening.<P>Hang in there - and since plan A means you attempt to fill your spouses ENs....love making definitely is OK if you are OK with it <P>------------------<BR><I>Pain is a given, misery is optional.</I>

So here we are 2 days from the end of the month and we are still keeping the little ones guessing. If he, obviously isn't moving out in two days, at least tell the kids that he is not moving out right now. If you let the day come and go they are still going to be filled with doubt. They really really need to hear something from you and your husband TODAY.<P>So like you being a woman, how does it make you feel to have someone say let's make love but I don't want you to get any false hopes?<P>The speech I used to get let's go f*&^, it's so much better without all of the emotions. I felt like white trash, myself.<P>Now that I've rained on your parade let's look at all the positives. <P>You had a relatively good weekend. Y'all were able to sit down and do some serious talking and sharing of emotions. That really sounds like a pretty good weekend to me. Couple all that with a little fun in the bedroom, it was a pretty darn good weekend.<P>On the serious side, if he doesn't know today that he's moving in two days, then you both need to sit down with the kids and simply tell them that. Try not to give them any false hopes while at the same time try not to keep them in suspense. Don't put too much weight on the sex thing. Some people are able to just view it as SEX and nothing else. I'm not one of them but my x obviously was. <P>Outside of getting the info for the kids, keep on Plan A'ing you butt off. Sounds like the scale is tipping in your favor.<P>------------------<BR>Love, Bill<P>-There are none so blind as those who refuse to see!-<BR>-Stand up and do the right thing, even if your standing alone.-

Thanks BrambleRose --<P>Though it is very hard, I will continue to Plan A, Plan A, Plan A. My husband is so against counseling, even this sight. He does know about it but will not read anything from it. Your idea about the LB'ing Questionaire is awesome, I will have to give that a try.<P>I do agree that my husband is very confused and doesn't trust that I can change forever. I do know that he is still in love with me but to have him not show it is so hard for me. I think him wanting to make love to me again has been a huge breakthrough, in my eyes. I am VERY okay with making love to my husband and I know it hasn't been one of his needs lately but now that it is coming up again, I want to make sure I fullfil it.<P>It is really funny that I had to reassure him this weekend how attracted I still am to him. He said he did not know that I still got butterflies in my stomach when he touches me.<P>Hope all is well with you.<P>Michele

Billy --<P>I completely agree with you that we need to let the kids know and I expressed this to him several times this weekend but was afraid to push him and I did not want LB over it. I am going to try to bring it up to him again tonight and if he doesn't want to say anything, I am going to talk to them and let them know that mommy and daddy are still working on making our relationship better and that right now daddy will still be staying at home with us.<P>""""So like you being a woman, how does it make you feel to have someone say let's make love but I don't want you to get any false hopes?""""<P>I am not sure how to take his statement. On Friday when we started to make love, I did stop him several times, maybe I was more confused than I thought but I also told him that wanting to make love to his wife was not wrong. I did express to him that the weekend before when we made love, I felt dirty because he slept on the couch after. This weekend, he actually stayed in the room. Progress, I don't know. Early on in our fighting, I would refer to our love making as "SEX" and he would get so mad at me and corrected me by telling me that we don't have "SEX", we "make love".<P>I am not going to get my hopes up that the lovemaking is a complete breakthrough. We still have a very long road ahead of us and at times, I feel like quitting. Especially after his comment to me this weekend that "He does not believe in me".<P>Will Plan A'ing make him believe in me again? Maybe or maybe not but I do know I will become a better person. I do feel like we are finally making a little progress and I do not want to blow it.<P>Thanks again Billy (my husband's name too.)<P>Michele<P>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by sballplyr:<BR><B>""""So like you being a woman, how does it make you feel to have someone say let's make love but I don't want you to get any false hopes?""""<P>I am not sure how to take his statement</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I apoligize if I sounded too harsh in that statement, that was one of my hot buttons. My wife would say something like "Isn't sex so much better without all the emotions" as I'm lying next to her in emotional ecxtasy. I got to the point where I just felt used. Granted my relationship was hopeless where as yours is still filled with hope.<P>It sounds like you have a good plan for the kids and ppppplease tell them something tonight. I'm quite sure that their fear level is reaching the top.<P>And yes, dear, you are making progress. Those little gears in his head are starting to turn. You keep up the good work on making yourself a better person, taking care of the young en's, plan A, and let the rest fall into place.<P>MANY Hugs,, Thoughts, & PRAYERS<P><P>------------------<BR>Love, Bill<P>-There are none so blind as those who refuse to see!-<BR>-Stand up and do the right thing, even if your standing alone.-

Bill -- <P>I did not take your statment as being harsh at all. I had been trying to process those words all weekend to find their meaning. I do know that my husband hadn't been making love to me this whole time is because he didn't want to "lead me on" or give me "false hope".<P>I am going to talk to the girls tonight, my son is too young (2 yo.). They have been through a lot this weekend with grandma and papa moving away so I must be very delicate. Their emotions are sensitive right now.<P>I do think the wheels in my H's head are turning and I do feel like I am making progress but its when he gets quiet is when I get really frustrated. That's when I come to the forum a lot so I don't LB.<P>Thank you so much for all you have been doing to help me through this. You have been awesome. Hope all is going well with you.<P>Michele<p>[This message has been edited by sballplyr (edited July 30, 2001).]

((((Michele))))<P>Your heavy in my thoughts this morning, I hope that all went well. We're here if you want to talk.<P>Hugs, Prayers, & Thoughts from the Plains<P>------------------<BR>Love, Bill<P>-There are none so blind as those who refuse to see!-<BR>-Stand up and do the right thing, even if your standing alone.-

Bill --<P>Thanks for the hug this morning, it really helps.<P>Well last night went okay. There was never a good time to bring up the subject of if my H was planning on still moving out at the end of the month or not so I took the girls aside myself and talked to them. I simply told them that me and daddy are still working on making our family happy again and they both commented with "you and daddy seem a lot happier lately". I told them that right now daddy is still going to be living with us and that it was going to be a one day at a time process to try to make this all better again. I did not make them any promises and let me tell you, this was probably one of the hardest conversations I have had to have. They both said that they just want to have a happy family again. I reassured them that both mommy and daddy wanted that too and we love them all very much and that is why we are trying. I also reinforced the fact that none of this was their fault. They both told me that they have noticed that we aren't fighting anymore and that we are doing things together again.<P>After the talk, I was actually angry with my husband. I did not let him know this but it leaves me wondering WHY? Why does he not want to tell them anything about what is going on? Why am I trying so hard to make a marriage work that sometimes seems like he doesn't want too? I sometimes wonder if I am doing the right thing by trying to work this out or am I prolonging the pain me and the kids will have to go through if he does decide to leave.<P>There was absolutely no LB'ing last night and he has no idea I have talked to the girls about this last night. Should I tell him I had this talk with the girls or could it be a possible LB.<P>Thanks again to all of you for your support, hugs and prayers through all of this.<P>

I'm really glad that you talked with them last night. Believe me those children were in my thoughts last night. I think at this point it probably wouldn't be good to tell your husband about the talk. I think that may lead to a conversation that doesn't need to happen.<P>As to all your WHY's. God, I wish I had an answer. I'm quite sure that he is going through a lot of confusion and pain himself. That probably explains most of his behaviours, us men folk have the uncanny ability to believe that if we don't talk about something then it goes away for a while. Whick leaves you waiting and wondering. Plus you know that if you force conversation about the subject, a fight will likely follow. CATCH 22<P>The saddest part about that is that IMO the children really needed to hear those words from both of you last night. But that's part of this roller coaster, typically one spouse gets so wrapped up in selfish behaviour that they fail to recognize the impact on the children. Obviously I'm speaking from experience here, my x is walking with blinders on and it just kills me to see her basically neglacting the children.<P>Keep you chin up and love/honor/protect them kids.<P>------------------<BR>Love, Bill<P>-There are none so blind as those who refuse to see!-<BR>-Stand up and do the right thing, even if your standing alone.-

LostHusband,<P>I feel like in evesdropping but I was so impressed by your response on this thread. It is soooo reassuring to know there are men out there who have their priorities in order. You seem to be a very generous and loving person. I hope you have a great day. My H is "walking with blinders" on too to borrow your phrase. I continue to pray that they will see the light soon and realize the impact their actions have on our precious children. Thanks again for your always helpful posts. <P>to sballplyr, I have been following your story also and I think you did a good thing by being honest with your kids and keeping things on a schedule they were looking for. My H also thinks that if you ignore things they will go away. Good luck to you. I pray you and your family will be restored and your trust in your husband can be re-established. It is up to him at this point. I seems you are doing all the right things, regardless of how much you are having to sacrifice yourself to do so. I understand the frustration level very well as I'm living with it too.<P>L.

How are things?<P>I gather from your comments yesterday that all is not well.<P>We're here if ya need to VENT!!!!!!!!<P>Hugs, Thoughts & Prayers<P>------------------<BR>Love, Bill<P>-There are none so blind as those who refuse to see!-<BR>-Stand up and do the right thing, even if your standing alone.-

Actually, things are going okay. I had a bad Tuesday night and I did have a minor LB yesterday morning which my H agreed that he was being selfish and we seemed to work through it okay.<P>We had a birthday dinner we had to go to Tuesday night and then he had a softball game after and I wanted to go to the game. Something he has not allowed me to do in a long time. Anyway, he made arrangments with his mother to watch Dakota (2 yo.) but told me that she could only watch him during the dinner but was not feeling well and could not watch him for me to go to the game too. I was okay with that until I went to pick my son up and his mom was surprised I was there so soon to get Dakota. I told her that my H said that she was not feeling well enough to watch my son during his game and she told me that my H never told her that he had a game that night. Of course my feelings were hurt and I picked up my son and went home. Am I being a big baby here. I know it is just a softball game but it is something that we have always shared. We got married on the softball field in our uniforms.<P>Anyway, I did not say anything to my H when he got home but yesterday morning, I did ask him why he said his mom could not watch Dakota during the game when, in fact, she didn't even know about it. I then went on to tell him that "how can he start believing in me again if he does not give me a chance to prove that I am changing". It was not a big discussion but it was something I felt he should know. Anyway, I then said "See you later", which is how we say goodbye now instead of a kiss goodbye and and I love you, and went outside and got in my car. Then, I walked back into the house, grabbed my H by the face and told him, with tears in my eyes "I Love You" and gave him a kiss and that I was tired of being told goodbye like I am one of the guys. He commented back with "Okay, I'm sorry". Not sure how to take that but he did call me a couple of times yesterday so maybe he is listening when I do cry out for attention. He even slept in the bedroom last night for the first time in a long time. There was no touching or cuddling but just knowing he was in there made me feel good.<P>I know I shouldn't have LB'd but sometimes it is just so hard to bite my tongue. I miss telling him I love him and I miss him saying it to me. This morning when he left for work, there wasn't a kiss but he did say "I hope you have a good day today." Baby steps for him, I hope.<P>How are you doing today? I have noticed that you have been kind of quiet. You are in my thoughts and I am here for you if you need an ear or a cyber-shoulder to cry on.<P>Hugs & Prayers from So. Cal.<P>Love,<P>Michele<P>[This message has been edited by sballplyr (edited August 02, 2001).]<p>[This message has been edited by sballplyr (edited August 02, 2001).]

So you hit a little dip on the roller coaster ride, but it sounds like it leveled out real quick. Still wonder why he didn't want you to go to that game????? <P>I have been quiet let me share my last couple of days with you. Yesterday I got a call from my x, which in and of itself is not unusual. But for some reason she wouldn't get off the phone. During a couple of times of silence I tried to politely end the conversation, but she wasn't going for it. Finally, she asked about switching a day with the kids which just happens to be her birthday. Of course, I have no problem letting her have them on her birthday. So anyway, I told her that I had no problem with that at all and that I kind of surprised that she would have to think twice about asking. We've always been real flexable. She went on to say "Well, I'll put out if that will ensure I can have them".<P>WOW!!!!! Where the heck did that come from???????<P>So anywho, I told her that wasn't necessary and that having them that day was just fine. Again, I tried to end the conversation with no success. Finally, after some flirting by her, I bit and asked her if she wanted me to come over and spend the night (she had to work until 11p). She thought that was a pretty good idea.<P>So I went over to her house (she lives around 18 miles from me) around 6:00 (the girls had bible school in her town so I went over to feed them and then I was just going to hang out at her place). So she calls at 6:45 and tells me to get the kids to bible school early cause she coming home for lunch break. Well needless to say we spent the lunch break in her room.<P>She got off work at 11 and came to her house. All I can say is that it was pretty magical. We had some fun, flirtatious, and a little serious conversation. One thing that really stuck in my mind is that when talking about the demise of our marriage she made a comment to the effect that I was impossible for us to work out but that doesn't mean it's impossible in the future.<P>AGAIN - WOW!!!! Where did that come from????????<P>Since February, this woman has not had ONE nice word to say about me or more importantly us...... So around 2:30 we decided that she was ready to go to sleep. I HELD HER and for a moment in time my world felt great. I finally shut my eyes around 4 and got up at 5:30, kissed her on the cheek, and left.<P>Almost forgot, this weekend she wants to take a family trip to my home town. I supply the vehicle (fuel) and she does the other expenses.<P>I truly don't want to read too much into this. After all, she has said on many occasions that "it's just sex and it's better without all the emotions". But the comment about the future really rocked my world.<P>I have continued my plan A well into divorce, I'm always there for her, emotionally and physically. I compliment her and still tell her that I love her.<P>So there you have it, I basically was full of fear, excitement, and guilt yesterday. Today I just don't know what to feel or what to do/say. I haven't talked to her yet today, but I thought that I would simply thank her for a great evening. I suppose I shouldn't read anything into last night but just keep up my plan A with a spark of hope, maybe.<P>Sorry to crash your thread but I really didn't want to place this out there for all.<P>Whach ya think????<P><BR><P>------------------<BR>Love, Bill<P>-There are none so blind as those who refuse to see!-<BR>-Stand up and do the right thing, even if your standing alone.-

(((((((Billy))))))))<P>The reason my husband does not want me to go to his games is because I used to tease him a lot while he was playing. One of his problems with me. That was an easy portion of my personality to change but he has not yet given me the chance.<P>Anyway, on to you.<P>WOW!!!!!!!!! That's great but I too would be scared, excited and confused all at once. I don't think I would have felt guilty. You made love to the women that you have shared your adult life with, created 3 beautiful children with and whom you are still in love with and hope to reconcile with one day if she should come out of the fog and see the wonderful person you are and have become. To me it sounds like the fog may be lifting but is it possible that she is scared herself now.<P>Is she the type of person that can admit her mistakes or is she the type that would rather live in her own misery because she is afraid to say "I was wrong" or "I want to come home". Only you know that answer that. I know an affair was never confirmed but there was some questionable behavior on her part, if there was an affair, maybe it is over and now she is really starting to see the damage she has caused.<P>I would continue with everything you are doing. Keep plan A'ing but now with a little hope and continue to be there for her emotionally and physically as long as you are not going to get hurt. I will keep praying for you.<P>This weekend sounds like it might be fun for all of you. I am assuming that it will be you, her and the girls. Will this be the first time since the divorce that the 5 of you have done something as a family? If so, will it confuse the girls? Not to put that thought in your head but that would be the one thing that would concern me.<P>I am not as good at the advice thing as you but I hope my comments and questions help. Waiting to hear from you.<P>Hugs & Prayers in So. Cal.<P>Michele<BR>sballplyr_21@yahoo.com<p>[This message has been edited by sballplyr (edited August 02, 2001).]

OH THANK GOD... <P>This is what this site is about... just what you two have posted. I'm so happy for you... and scared for you...<P>Bill, wow, what a change! I just read a few days back when you were hurting that she wasn't there for the kids... how is she now? Oh my gosh, I can't even imagine having a wonderfully intimate time with my H... he's so far gone emotionally.<P>And Michele... HOW in the heck did he get into bed with you? Did he talk about it? Or did he just walk in there when you were in there? You didn't talk about it?<P>Gee, if my H were to do that, I would about die... I think he wouldn't because my temptation would be to grab him and hold him. In other words, smother him... so I've learned from you. I said to him this morning, "What side of the bed are you sleeping on?" We both bought king beds - his upstairs and mine down. He said, "Right side. And you?" I'm still on the left... almost to the edge because our bed in Romania was small. I told him I'd love it if he would crawl back in bed with me... he didn't really respond kind of chuckled and changed the subject. He's done. Who am I kidding?!<P>Ok, I'm glad to have checked in here... I got lost the past couple of days... well, yesterday was worried about Mike as well as still trying to get out from under all these boxes!<P>Take care!<BR>Nicole<P>------------------<BR><I>The new country is where you are called to go, and the only way to go there is naked and vulnerable</I> ~ Henri Nouwen

((((Michele))))<P>“””I used to tease him a lot while he was playing””” <P>Us men and our fragile little ego’s.<P>“”””Is she the type of person that can admit her mistakes”””” <P>Not only no but HELL no, but that what has really got me confused with her comments. Maybe this is a trait that she is working on.<P>Additionally, after some of our conversation last night, I’m pretty convinced, as I’ve pretty much always been, that she did not have an affair.<P>Having the girls we still do quite a bit of stuff as a “family”, if you will. This is a yearly trip, where we go to Dodge City and take in the Rodeo, so it’s familiar to them and I don’t think there will be any confusion.<P>BTW, just listening, giving your opinion, and knowing that you care is worth all the advice in the world. <BR><P>------------------<BR>Love, Bill<P>-There are none so blind as those who refuse to see!-<BR>-Stand up and do the right thing, even if your standing alone.-

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by OvrCs:<BR><B>OH THANK GOD... <P>This is what this site is about... just what you two have posted. I'm so happy for you... and scared for you...<P>Bill, wow, what a change! I just read a few days back when you were hurting that she wasn't there for the kids... how is she now? </B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Nicole,<P>Her parenting time/busy schedule hasn't changed a bit so she still isn't there for the girls and yes that is still a huge concern of mine.<P>As to this deal last night, I really don't know yet if I'm excited because a ray of hope found it's way down through the clouds or if I'm scared to death of allowing myself to fall into a whole of false hope.<P>