Okay, it's been 2 years since the divorce, and just recently my ex has mentioned that he has concidered starting over, he wants to wipe the slate clean and just take things slow. He even came in town and took me out for dinner! I thought things went very well, but now I think he has pulled away again. Can anyone explain? I really believe he still loves me but why come closer only to pull away again?

Maybe he is just taking things slow, as he said he wanted. Or maybe he's a bit scared.<P>Have you set up some boundaries that he is unwilling to cross? Or maybe he doesn't know how you feel about it all. There could be lots of reasons.<P>Good luck.

We are IMing right now!!! I am trying to keep the conversation light hearted and not get too into depressing topics such as the divorce and mistakes. I will up date later!

Is there another woman in the equation?<P>I thought that my ex-H and I were only dating each other and taking things slow, but I later found out that he was two-timing ... me and the girlfriend after the divorce. <P>This happened to me over a year ago. Looking back, I think he was serious about getting back together, but at the time ... I was scared and not sure if I wanted to get back together with him. After a month of bringing me a dozen roses every week and chasing me pretty hard, he pulled back and started to see her again secretly. He says, and now I believe him, that he went back to her because I wasn't sure about us getting back together ... I didn't welcome him back with open arms. He had already broken up with her once ... and I do believe that if I had welcomed him back with open arms ... the affair/two-timing wouldn't have happened.<P>6 months later after I found out about the two-timing, found this site, and started my Plan A .... I stopped him from yo-yoing between us by welcoming him with open arms and LISTENING to him. One day when he was "only back in town to pick up his things", he started to talk .... I called in sick to work and we spent the whole day talking ... by the end of the day he had decided that he wasn't moving back to her town and that he was going to stay with me. We have been together ever since and are now engaged to get remarried.<P>During that day of talking ... I spent the whole day LISTENING ... I did not bring up the divorce ... I did not bring up his mistakes or how hurt I was ... he did spend a lot of time telling me how he felt bad for hurting both of us (me and OW). I didn't get jealous and angry .. I just said that I understood why he felt back for hurting the OW and I gave him suggestions for what to say to her. Basically, I tried to act like an old friend ... not a bitter BS.<P>So, you are on the right track ... keep it lighthearted and tell him that you want to be his friend ... and then act like a friend.<P>------------------<BR>Jennidy<P>"Work like you don't need the money,<BR>Love like you've never been hurt, and<BR>Dance like no one's watching."<p>[This message has been edited by Jennidy (edited July 27, 2001).]

Yes there is another woman in the equation. He says he doesn't love her and if he did he would have married her by now. Very true and I have felt the same way. I haven't really felt threatened by her because I have really felt that he still has a love in his heart for me. But I can't understand why he keeps going back to her unless it is out of pitty. I just don't want to feel like I am being played like a puppet. I really do still love him and don't want to lose my respect for him.

You said you started Plan A, and where his friend. I thought Plan A was insisting on seperation from the OW? And Plan B is total seperation until a decision is made to stop seeing the OW? Do I have this right? Plan A is not an option because he continues seeing her, so should I go to Plan B and not have any contact with him or should I try being his friend?<P><BR>