I need a little help from you all. I am having a hard time dealing with my divorce and I am afraid I am losing it.<BR>We filed for divorce yesterday. It was hard on me. To make matters worse, I found out in the evening that my wife spent the night with her new boyfriend. It was too much. I can't take two blows to the heart in the same day. I knew both of these days would come and I was preparing myself for them. But I never expected they would come together. <BR>So here I am, after a sleepless night trying to move on. I can barely cry anymore. My heart is destroyed. And I have to takle a new day, but I just don't feel like it. Who knows what kind of other unexpected slaps on the face will it bring? I am tired and can't fight anymore. I am really afraid I am losing it.<P>Tacsi

Oh Tasci, <BR>I'm so sorry to hear that you are going through this. You are right, signing divorce papers is bad enough without the other equally painful knowledge. I don't know what I can say to make the hurt go away. <BR>It probably doesn't feel like it now, but the intense sadness will lessen. <P>Plus it sounds like your wife is very much in the thick of the fog, and although your divorce may gone through, when she comes out of it (which most of them do) she will see what a bad decision she made. I don't want to give you false hope, but it could happen. Especially if you continue Plan A.<P>In the meantime do things for you. Continue to see the councelor. You said before that you are spending time with friends, keep doing this. Excercise, it helps to relieve the stress. Pray.<P>ASM

Dear ASM,<P>Thank you for your encouraging words. Since I don't have anybody to give me a hug and a kiss on my forhead when I'm down, my friends, family and this message board are the only ones who are guiding me through these troubled days. It makes me feel good to know that are people out there who understand my agony and care for me. I also pray a lot, which helps, too. But the hardest thing I am facing every day is still: letting go. Unfortunately, my feeleing are not wired to an "on-off" switch. So, I just can't forget my wife with the flick of a switch. Seven years are a long time in a marriage. This is why I am depressed sometimes and think that the whole world is against me. I suppose things will get better as time goes by. But, howmuch time does it have to go by before I stop hurting?<BR>Thanks again for your post, ASM.<P>Take care.<BR>Tacsi

Tacsi,<BR>Sorry I misspelled it the first time. <BR>Friends are important when your life feels like it is broken. This board has helped me tremendiously, I usually just lurk, but when I see someone in pain I feel a need to reach out. <P>7yrs of marriage is a long time. I was married 12yrs (although we had a long separation). It's so hard to feel unmarried even now. And it's doubly difficult when you are not the person who wants it to end. Although, I do believe tht if the FOG wasn't so think you would not be headed for divorce now. I still say she's gonna come out of it sooner or later. <P>Does the OM still have an office next to you? Do your co-workers or your boss know about the situation? Would you consider a transfer or even change to a different office? It can't be easy on you to see him everyday. It will be hard for you to heal with the constant reminder.<P>Have you read Jayhawk's latest post? His wife is coming out of it after the divorce. Of course the situation is different...but it does give hope. <P>{{{Tacsi}}} Stay strong,<BR>ASM <P>

Dear ASM,<P>I am getting a little better. I spent all morning on this board reading and posting. It calmed me down. I know this is just like the calm before the storm. But I hope the storms will get weaker and weaker as time goes by. During the day, my life is somewhat easier. I am surrounded at work by people who love me and care for me. They stop me in the hallways or come by my office just to ask me how am I doing. Some of them I think are angels sent by our Holy father to help me through these difficult times. By now, almost everybody knows what is going on. I told a few people myself (my boss, company president and the people who work for me) and then gossip took care of the rest. Almost everybody took my side. Nobody is talking to OM unless is work related. When I am feeling the blue, I try to hide in my office, doing things on my computer. When I am feeling better, I am out on the floor trying to show and convince people that I am going to make it. Sometimes if I am in a reaaly good mood, I play a game: I try to make eyecontact with the OM. He never dared looking into my eyes, yet. <BR>Transferring to another office it is almost impossible. We are both technical supervisors of some unique and critical technologies. We have to be close to our machines and to the people we supervise. So that is a little tough.<BR>I was thinking about moving out of the area. Preferably CA. I could get a job there, I just don't know if I want to go or not. I do not want to make a decision in the heat of the minute. Although financially would be a better move, but still... Right now, I have to look for a roommate to ba able to afford the house. Otherwise I will have to sell it. Also, I don't want to move because I don't know what is going to happen down on the road. So, I guess I will stay for a while and I'll see what is going to happen.<BR>Thanks again for your encouraging words.<BR>Take care.<P>Tacsi

Hey Tacsi,<P>Glad I found your thread.<P>I'm sorry you're going through all this. I still believe it's possible for you to save your marriage. Maybe you don't want to anymore. I can't imagine your pain.<P>-AD