Just a general question for everyone:<P>What do you say to people you run into who kinda know you and your spouse and ask how you are doing? How do you explain it without going into too much detail, but not making it sound like "oh, it's no big deal." (It WAS a big deal.)<P>My situation is that my 41-yr.olf H had a mid-life crisis, started drinking again after 12 years sober, started an affair, wanted out of the marriage, moved in and is still living with OW, says he wouldn't have left me if he hadn't started drinking, etc., etc. <P>He pretty much confirmed what my counselor and I had already figured out: The problems we had in our marriage weren't of the magnitude that should have broken up a marriage. Yes, we both could have done a much bette job of meeting each other's needs. However, the reason we are apart is basically because he's screwed up! Began drinking, began cutting people out of his life, began an affair....whatever.<P>Anyway, back to the point of the e-mail....how/what do you say to people who ask (the ones who don't know the whole story)?<P>Just curious...<P>Aloha,<BR>Mrs.O<P>

This just happened to me last weekend. I took my kids to see a movie and while I was walking into the theater I saw a good friend and his wife. We exchanged hellos and one of them asked "How are you guys?" I just said "We're divorced now, so there is no 'guys' anymore." They were shocked, said they were sorry, and I just smiled and said "It's ok. It wasn't what I wanted, but it's better than what I had." They seemed to accept that. I smiled and chatted with them and made sure I behaved in a way that communicated that I still considered them good friends. It was fine.<P>I don't know if that's the right way to do it or not. It's a sensitive area and I tend to believe a direct response is better than avoiding the subject. Just my way, I guess.<P>--<BR>o2bsane@hotmail.com<BR><p>[This message has been edited by o2bsane (edited July 26, 2001).]

This has been easy for me because I wanted out of the marriage. I just say "We are divorced", when they say "I'm sorry", I say, "Don't be, I'm a much happier person and I should have left a long time ago." The few friends we did have together, their comment was pretty much, it was about time you were too nice for him and deserve so much better.<P>Don't ever degrade the other spouse, its makes you look hateful, be happy (even if it hurts) and hold your head up high. The old saying is the grass is greener on the other side till you get there ---- my saying is, the grass was not only greener on the other side, it sparkles with gold.

I tell them that my wife is going through some kind of emotional crisis, that she left me, and that she is living with her mother. I try to make it clear that to the best of my knowledge there was no infidelity involved (since that seems to be the automatic assumption).<P>I'm not really happy about "accusing" my wife of having an emotional crisis, since that sounds like I am ragging on her, but there is just no way to make desertion look good and an emotional crisis is as innocuous an explanation as any.<BR>