Well, it is the eve of my H deadline to file his response to my petition with the court. It sits on the table unfinished. If he does't turn it in tomorrow by 5:00pm, I get everything I asked for by default. Could I really be that lucky?<P>Considering what I read here with you guys I think things are just going too smoothly. No fights for custody or anything. <P>Today I signed over my share of the house. All legal, done, finished! <P>He did try to tell me what I should do with the money from my share of the house. Although I felt like saying, "Excuse me, do I not have a brain in my head that allows me to create financial security for myself and my D?" BUT, I held my tongue and ignored. <P>As I was walking on the beach this afternoon, there was a little sadness, more like a sting, as I envisioned moving out for good. Mostly, I want to do that more than anything, but it is still a big step to cope with.<P>hopefulheart

too smoothly - maybe - <P>but - he may be just not interested enough to make any changes... <P>I'll have to read up on your story - will do that this evening for a bit.<P>Blessings - Jan

Dear Seekingjoy,<P>I think you are right...no desire to make any changes at all. I fought for this marriage but to no avail. I was the only one fighting. That's how I ended up at MB. Trying to see what I could do to save our marriage. I printed out the emotional needs and LB forms but we never completed them fully. While we were doing them he said, "I don't see why we have to do these" <P>Therapy was a complete joke. He told the therapist, "I am practically perfect." She told me in an individual session after he quit family and couples therapy that she felt he has, and continues to, defend against all his feelings. That deep down, there is so much pain that he can't even go there.<P>You see, he is very addicted to drugs and pornography. He numbs himself all the time. Even today, before we went to get the transfer on our home notarized, he was completely stoned. I sat there and cringed!!! But got through it.<P>I guess that's what hurt me the most. Throwing away almost 20 years of marriage with no real attempts to save it.<P>Now, after the grieving period has subsided, I feel like it is for the best. My emotional needs had not been met for so long. As my therapist noted, in some ways the substances he is addicted to become a third party. Energy goes there, instead of with me. It caused so much pain. <P>I didn't think I would ever feel better but last week there was such a dramatic shift in my attitude. I rejoined life again. Now I am just trying to cope with the final issues of our settlement and then time to move out for good.<P>hopefulheart

You know - I've found that when life REALLY gives you LEMONS and you just squeeze them all out of juice - there's an opportunity there.<P>You can either be bitter and MAKE people pucker, or you can add sugar and make them WANNA pucker. Who wants a bunch of FORCED kisses?<P> Okay - so it makes sense - since I'm exhausted tonight!!! But, I think you get the point. <P>A husband who just isn't there for you - because he doesn't want to be - just isn't there. No matter how much you love him - he still isn't THERE for YOU. You can grumble and groan and try to love him enough more to make you feel good - but in the end - you are gonna feel worse and he's gonna NEVER know what was going on - because he just - LITERALLY hasn't got a clue... <P>Sometimes it's just time to move on and let go. If it was meant to be - he'll catch up with you - if not, keep running - full speed ahead!!! If you stop the torpedos catch you and you blow up! That's from an old Henry Fonda movie - I stole it :guilty look: ooooops.<P>You are HOPEFUL and I'm seeking JOY - I mean - we are SURVIVORS!!!! WE will survive this life and move on to the next as successful inhabitants of planet earth and whatever comes after - I'm convinced it's heaven. <P>Use that money to give you a good start on a new life - and move on... Don't stop and wait for that lead weight of your H to hold you down - keep moving - if he wants you - let him catch you again - but make him work for it this time. Just don't make him pucker - let him come looking for your refreshing sweetness.<P>Hugs - Jan