My wife and I have been married for 16 years, been together for 18. We have had our problems, but I thought we had worked them out. She tells me I would be better off with out her. Her reasons for leaving has to do with something that happen 11 years ago and she can't forgive herself for it. What is worst , is she doesn't remember 2 months of her life due to drinking and the anti-depression meds she was on. We both tried to kill ourselves during this trying time, but we got the help we need back then This has been haunting her for sometime now. Another reason for her leaving is, I stopped talking to her about my feeling about what she was doing to me. I just wanted to make her happy so I would avoid arguing. Another reason, is my co-dependencey and the last is, the arguements between the kids and I. The kids would run to their mother and their mother always took their side. What I want to know can this marriage be saved and how can I get my wife to listen to me and how can I talk to her to at least try? My wife just doesn't feel that or marriage can be saved. There's to much pain for her because was sleeping around on me will I was involved with Desert Shield and Desert Storm. I got most of my information from my , at that time 13 year old, daughter. She is now 23 and remembers it like it was yesterday. My wife was arrested for child negelect She has not forgiven herself and is frustrated about the two months she can't remember. She said, she can't live with herself or me if she did those thinks. I forgave her for the sleeping around, but I haven't totally forgave her for neglection the kids. I guess I have been letting it show lately. I started to not confind inher because I didn't want to hurt her feelings. I was tirying to get ready for retirement from the Air Force and she was working at the time, but she quiet and it hurt me very badly. I didn't tell her how I felt. I was just thinking about what I'm going to do when I got out. How can I support her and the kids. we also had to file for Chapter 13 bankruptcy which made me very hurt. I love this woman with all my heart and I could never love no other. I can go on live with out her but it won't be a very happy one. When she came in to my life, God told me that she is the one and you need to take care of her. I let him down. I know the flame burning in my heart for her will remain forever<P>[This message has been edited by lonestars2x (edited July 28, 2001).]<p>[This message has been edited by lonestars2x (edited July 28, 2001).]

LoneStars,<P>I'm sorry that you posted this morning and nobody has answered yet. Your situation sounds complicated. Please give us more information so that we might have some chance of helping.<P>I know you're hurting and I want to encourage you that this can be turned around. Read the info on this site. Start with the main page and read everything from there - then get back here to ask questions on the forum. There are people here who have been through it too.<P>-AD

Sorry someone able to help hasn't answered yet. Hang in there. Back to the top^

lonestars2x, <P>First, let me tell you that weekends can be a little slow around here because not everyone has internet access at home, so please forgive the slow replies. I'm sure things will pick up on Monday.<P>Second, let me tell you that things are really complicated right now for you, and it hurts like the dickens, but you are not alone. From this moment forward, whether your W (wife) returns to you or not, you will never be alone again, because the folks here will be thinking of you and praying for you. Okay? {{{{{{{{{{lonestars2x}}}}}}}}}} (In case you don't know, that's a cyberhug). <P>Now, I'd like to know a couple quick things before I talk to ya a whole lot more. Have you read the pages on the Marriage Builders web site that tell you what emotional needs (ENs) and lovebusters (LBs) are? Have you read the pages about surviving an affair? If not, here is a link to the home page that will start you off on those topics. I STRONGLY suggest that you read them because it will explain almost everything to you: <BR> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/</A> <P>Click on the Quick Tour and then start with the infidelity questions. I'm serious, it will help a lot!!!!<P>My next question is this: are you and your W seeing a counselor--as individuals or as a couple? The reason I ask is that I am concerned about some of the things in your story. It is a little scary to hear that she has blacked out a couple months of her life due to drinking and medications. It is scary to hear that she neglected the kids and was arrested for it. It is scary to hear that she slept around. It is scary to hear that you both attempted suicide. And since these are rather serious problems, not to mention the problems that you have about not talking to her and not forgiving her and stuff, I think a professional would give you much better advice than we amateurs ever could. So, if you are not seeing a counselor now, and if she is not seeing a counselor now, I would STRONGLY suggest that you both go to one as quickly as you can. <P>Last, but not least, I have some practical advice for you--I assume you're a practical kind of guy since you served in the Air Force. Go out and buy some lotion kleenex, because even a big, tough guy like you is going to cry, and the plain kleenex will really hurt your nose and eyes. I'm not kidding. Also, if you don't drink coffee, start now. Haha, I'm just kidding. But expect that you won't be able to sleep and you won't feel like eating. The trick is, to sleep when you can, and if you can't sleep, try to at least rest. If you absolutely can not even rest, try to do something that is good for you, like praying or writing or typing here to us. Regarding eating, you know that a body needs fuel, and without it you will get sick and exhausted and harm yourself. So, eat a little even though you don't feel like it at all. I personally love those little soup cups, because they're quick and warm and provide a little bit of nutrition. Plus, you can manage to choke them down around the lump in your throat. <P>I'll write more a little later, but for now, just know that you will not be alone, and hopefully we can help you see what is hurting your W so badly that she would leave. <P>{{{{{lonestars2x}}}}}<P><BR>CJ<P>------------------<BR>Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

lonestars2x,<P>Can you give us an update? Are you still around?<P>I'm sorry you didn't get much help from your first posting. Give us another chance.<P>-AD