Haven't been on in a long time, have been trying to focus on my future, since my WH filed for D on May 1. Since then he has done nothing to keep divorce proceeding. He has continued to rebel against God and me and his sons. He is no longer with OW that the l5 month affair was with, but has been seen with other women at show, buying beer, etc. He got a $l50 tatoo spends money which he does not have and has had people call me to ask to go on easy on him since he won't have money to live on. I have not ask for what child support schedule and maintenance schedule shows for l9 year marriage. He has only spoken and seen me 1 time since he left 5 months ago. He only talks to our boys about once a week, rarely any quality time. Has not paid older son's car insurance and changed bill to my name, etc. Seems like he hates me and never asks boys about me or the house or any of his responsibilities. He litterally abandoned us. I cannot understand why he hates me so much and can't communicate with me. I just can't believe that after l9 years he has changed this much. I need you all's advice and maybe others can share their similar experiences like this. I am so hurt and just can't understand this? Do they ever realize what they have done and how bad they have hurt the very ones who love them the most?

They don't hate us. As one of my very special friends, who was a WS said to me, they can't deal with the pain they have inflicted on their loved ones, so they put up a "wall" or a mask. She did it with her H though she was hurting bad inside because she didn't want to hurt those she loved, but had to do what she had to do. She described it as walking around with a hole in her chest. Now this is tough advice from a friend who knows that I suspect my H of an affair, but it seems to fit.<P>So when you know this, it makes it a bit easier to keep up the Plan A stuff recommended on this site. Because if they Do hurt, theyu DO have some good feelings for you.<P>Hope this helps.