I've posted before, so won't go into details of my story. Dropped my kids off from visti at W's house today - we have been separted less than two weeks. She was not there, so we went in the house amd I waited to be sure she came home. Went upstairs to get a book, and saw her journal open on the floor, so I read. Love letters to someone else-her boss, I think. Don't truly know if they are real or 'fantasy' letters. I think she is having an affair, or is thinking about it.<P>I know it was wrong, but when she got home, I asked her very calmly if she was having an affair. She denied, but seemed more curious as to why I asked. It has seemed to me for awhile the A was the missing piece in the puzzle. I told her I accepted her answer, and left.<P>First, she asked ME to leave the house because she no longer loves me. Now, what is left of my heart is ripped out. I was keeping things together, trying to focus on me, doing what I read about here. Now, I am just blown away. I cannot think, I feel physically sick, when I first read it I literally went numb.<P>I know from what I have read here this is mild in comparison to some stories, but G*d I hurt down to my core. I still love her, and want her back. But I feel beyond any hope now.<BR>

You obviously want to save your marriage, or you wouldn't be here, right? ok. Calm down. I know you are hurt, frustrated, and angry right now. and rightly so. My H left me 11 weeks ago, then gave me the "I love you, but not IN LOVE with you speech", then had an A, then came home to reconcile, then moved out anyway - been gone for a month. My whole world is upside down!!<P>Take some time and read a little around on the MB web-site. Learn about Plan A, and begin implementing it immediately. Read about it under Articles on the web-site. Then, go to the Just Found Out Forum, and read some of the posts with the arrows to the left . the General Welcome post , and the one that says Notable Posts/Threads.. Learn all you can. Your marriage is not over yet, and if you truly want to learn and do some things, you have a very good chance of making a difference. YOu feel devastated right now, but begin learning. k? And you may want to join us over on the General Questions Forum, there are lots of us going through similar situations.<P>Hang in there. You can do something pro-active, that will HELP YOU, and possible save your marriage.

I don't know your whole story.<P>Can you move back into the house?...<BR>...Plan A is always more effective(though not easier) if you are still living together!<BR>...it's much healthier for the kids too...<BR>Truth... (no mattter how hurtful at times)... is healthy for everyone!<P>Keep Plan A-ing...<BR>...it is for you in the long run!<P>Do check out a post of mine...<A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum30/HTML/000176.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A - 101 (2nd ed.)</A><P> <P>Jim

First, let me tell you that weekends can be a little slow around here because not everyone has internet access at home, so please forgive the slow replies. I'm sure things will pick up on Monday.<P>Second, let me tell you that things are really complicated right now for you, and it hurts like the dickens, but you are not alone. From this moment forward, whether your W (wife) returns to you or not, you will never be alone again, because the folks here will be thinking of you and praying for you. Okay? {{{{{{{{{{ANB3}}}}}}}}}} (In case you don't know, that's a cyberhug). <P>Now, I'd like to know a couple quick things before I talk to ya a whole lot more. Have you read the pages on the Marriage Builders web site that tell you what emotional needs (ENs) and lovebusters (LBs) are? Have you read the pages about surviving an affair? If not, here is a link to the home page that will start you off on those topics. I STRONGLY suggest that you read them because it will explain almost everything to you: <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/</A> <P>Click on the Quick Tour and then start with the infidelity questions. I'm serious, it will help a lot!!!!<P>Next, I would say that you need to know that you WILL survive this. I know you don't believe that right now, and I'm not asking you to--I'm asking you to just listen to an old veteran tell you that you will learn and grow from this, and one day you will be okay. For now, you will probably feel numb and just "function" for a couple days. You may feel hurt, but not break down and cry. You may feel lonely and hollow. Here's what I did: I got a new hairdo, I bought some new "work clothes", I interviewed for jobs, and I paid some bills. Suddenly, a few days later I started to cry--over nothing really--and I cried for three days and nights straight. That was 1 1/2 years ago for me, and guess what? I survived!! I made it!! Plus, I have learned to be a better, stronger me. I love myself and I know how to have a mature relationship with someone. And you know what, ANB3? You will survive too. You WILL!!<P>Last, but not least, I have some practical advice for you--I assume you're a practical kind of guy because ... well...you're a guy! Go out and buy some lotion kleenex, because even a big, tough guy like you is going to cry, and the plain kleenex will really hurt your nose and eyes. I'm not kidding. Also, if you don't drink coffee, start now. Haha, I'm just kidding. But expect that you won't be able to sleep and you won't feel like eating. The trick is, to sleep when you can, and if you can't sleep, try to at least rest. If you absolutely can not even rest, try to do something that is good for you, like praying or writing or typing here to us. Regarding eating, you know that a body needs fuel, and without it you will get sick and exhausted and harm yourself. So, eat a little even though you don't feel like it at all. I personally love those little soup cups, because they're quick and warm and provide a little bit of nutrition. Plus, you can manage to choke them down around the lump in your throat. <P>I'll write more a little later, but for now, just know that you will not be alone, and hopefully we can help you survive this affair and restore your marriage. You'll be in my thoughts and prayers!<P>{{{{{ANB3}}}}}<P><BR>CJ<P>

Faith1, NSR, Faithful, thanks so much. It really helps to hear from others who are or have been in the same place. I have been reading around the site, and will continue to do so.<P>The sun did come up this morning, which was a good sign. I still hurt, feel numb, but I am still here and functioning. I know on one level there is hope, and time, but it is hard to get beyond the hopeless, desperate feeling. But I am trying.<P>NSR-moving back in probablky is not an option now. I do have a hard time Plan A'ing 'from a distance', guidance on this would be helpful. It is tough-she is glad I am out of the house-almost with glee took her rings off. What a gut shot.<P>Faithful-I am a big guy, although porobably not that tough. Kleenex is for wimps-us men use our shirt sleeves, or scraps of sandpaper if they are handy.<P>Thank you to my cyber friends-you words are truly appreciated. i am sick we are all here, but at least we are here for each other.