[B]When i look at everything i feel silly.<BR>But not angry.<P>I guess i am relieved even more now than before because before i had hoped i was doing the right thing. Now i know i am.<P>I don't wish to tear him down or berate him. I accepted who he is and that person isn't for me. I don't have a lot of fond memories to think of. All the really important times in my life he was never around.<P>When i moved, when i found out i was pregnant, when we were getting married, when i told him i was pregnant again, when i changed jobs. <P>I felt guilty about the way we split. (orginally) but as time goes on i feel relieved that i don't have to answer to him.<P>I so much want someone to share my life with but i realize it was never him. I feel drained and weak when he is around. I also isolate myself from friends.<P>I belive in addicted love and true love. I hope to experience true love one day. <P>I always goto him for a quick fix. That's not love.<P>Most of you here seem to geniuely want your relationships and want to share yourselves again. It's truly beautiful.<P>I've watched friends talk and interact with their partners and i think THATS IT. I want that.<P>I laugh of coarse because the relationship my ex got into after we split was far better for him than i could ever be.<BR>Not that i feel i am less deserving but he genuiely wanted to help out and be there for her.<P>Something him and i don't share.<BR>We've always been conditional.<P>It's werid to say that. But i truly do hope (and i know he can) reconcile with her. <P>I haven't really seen or heard from him in a couple days but i want so desperately to say these things to him. I tried a couple nights ago. He asked me why i bothered to even come back. But if i leave again then i should stay gone. I hate seeing him hurt. I told him i loved him. But i really don't believe it's me he wants, i really believe he doesn't see it because we have a child together.<BR>I think that confuses him.<P>Ya I love him but there isn't a mutual respect btw us. If there was he would of called or something by now. Hell he wouldn't be doing avoidance like he is.<P>So is there a 12 step program for letting go???

so anyone is there a 12 step program