Well its been one month since H left. We haven't been on good terms either. When he calls, he starts out all nice to me, then he will ask me if I have talked to an attorney, and when am I filing for DIVORCE. Lately when and if he calls, if he starts getting ugly, I tell him I am not going to argue and hang up. I can't let this thing eat away at me.<P>I tell him over and over that I didn't walk out on 3 kids, a wife and 18 years together. He tells me that he just can't live with us anymore. That he feels better since he left.<P>What saddens me is that I have come to realize that he really doesn't care. He even told me the other day that I can move out of state with the kids. That he won't object. What, so he doesn't have to be responsible to his kids. I asked him about what type of visitation he wants. He told me with his work schedule he can't make any promises. I told him for his kids sake, he may need to change a few things. He didn't like that.<P>I told him that I don't want the house because its old and falling apart, and that I don't have the means to fix it. He freaked there. Then he came over and pretended to fix the lawn mower (Its still not working and I have to borrow from the neighbors), and started taking more and more of his stuff. The kids keep watching their dad do this, and it upsets them. He doesn't care though. Not at all. Right now all he is thinking about is himself.<P>I did call an attorney! He told me what was entitled to me and that stuff. Then he told me how much it was going to cost me to retain him. I about fell off my chair. I think that is why h wants me to comply with all his wishes. He wants the easy and cheap way out. He has control of all the money. I have nothing. He did pay the bills, and gave me money for groceries. But that is it. <P>I keep asking myself if I still love my H and still want to be married to a man that doesn't love me. What I have come to realize is that I have always loved the concept of marriage. But being in love takes two people and its hard when only one tries, and the other one doesn't give a damn.<P>I am trying to be strong for my children. I know that this whole seperation and divorce thing is going to get worse before it gets better. <P>Beth

((((((((((((Beth)))))))))))))))<P>You situation sounds almost IDENTICAL to mine. My H left three weeks ago but that is the only difference. He doesn't care that I have to move (COUNTRIES!!!) because we've split, he hardly sees the kids, thinks only of himself and we've been together for 18 years (married 10 in November).<P>What is up with our men??? Mid-life thing, utter selfishness, I don't know. My h also had an affair back in December just to add to the misery, but this year we were working on Plan A and I thought it was going well. He just DOESN'T want to try any more, says he doesn't love me, told me one week after leaving he wants a divorce.<P>And I am to ask myself the same question as you - do I want him if he doesn't love me. And do you know, the answer tonight is NO I DON'T. Although at times our marriage has been rocky, I think I did a good job of supporting him to get where he is today, even his mother said so, and I just think it is a kick in the teeth. He says he has never been happy. I think you probably will think I'm mad, but I would rather see him happy somewhere else than unhappy here with me. That's because for a few weeks he moped around looking like his world nhad collapsed. I think he is having another affair. Sorry to vent here. I had a bad day (see my post). <P>I guess I'm not being much help, but I just wanted you to know that you are not alone.

Just a Question...Why should YOU be the one to file for divorce? He is the one who wants out and left you, make him do all the work!! My husband left me about 2 months ago and I will not be the one to file!! I refuse to be the initiator to the end of our marriage. Will I fight the D?...NO Just tell him that you have a lawyer, when he gets the filing done and is ready to iron out custody agreements etc. THEN you will talk with him about it! I think it will shock him and maybe it will be the thing that makes him realize the finality of it all. Who knows?! He may even respect your strength and change his mind about everything. Good luck!<BR>June

Boy are you not alone. I'll join the club.<P>We all married the same guy it seems. Same thing, about the same amount of years, a couple kids, stay at home mom with no money, his big time-big bucks career, moved me out of state and left me for an affair. I had to go to court to move back "home" to my family in another state, and he faxed the court that he had no objection. Never sees his boys, ever.<P>The only difference is I'm over a year past his leaving now, and the divorce was final in February. He never speaks to me, not a word. Does really mean things, tried every trick in the book when we were in the divorce to leave me with nothing. Luckily the judge was great and the XH basically handed me his shirt in court. I can only say to you ladies that it will go up and down on how you feel about him, but it does become less and things do get better and life is good and you will be relieved when he's out of your life to the point where there won't be any anger anymore, just indifference (and unbelievably my hate for the OW is gone too, I just don't care). Just do your best for the children and hug them all the time.<P><P>------------------<BR>Kathy