Today I talked to my W on the phone while at work and she told me she was looking through some old cards she sent to me when I was in Kuwait a few years ago (military). She said she could not believe what she said in the cards and letters. She told me she had actually forgotten that she was ever in love with me.<BR> It feels good that she is opening up to me like this. We have not had a heart-to-heart talk like this in quite a while. The "tough love" letter I read to her has really made a difference, in addition to the Plan A'ing I have implemented.<BR> What I want to know is, is it a mistake to start to talk to her like this? Because I told her that I have learned a lot in a short period of time. She asks what and I tell her things about emotional needs, the five kinds of love, etc., and she says "you really have learned a lot." Should I continue with what is happening between us now? I am worried I am going to slip up and ask her if she wants to try counseling or something else to repair our marriage. I am afraid that if I do that, all the "tough love" talk and Plan A'ing I have done will go down the drain.<BR> I know she still cares about me, but after I found out about her affair we really had a big fight and she told me "You and Me are OVER!!!" But in the past few days we have complimented each other and I have been very friendly and accomodating with her. I'm just confused. We are supposed to talk some more tonight. Somebody let me know please. Thank you.

Good Man,<P>How did the date go last night?<P>It sounds like you are making progress. I am too - and I have the same dilema - same question. I spent the night at W's apt and she didn't send me home in the middle of the night. I got to play with the baby this morning while she caught a couple extra hours' sleep - and came home at noon.<P>I don't know at what point to push a little. What I'm doing is just probing now and then - gently. For example, last night, we were going through some papers - looking for documents we need for our upcoming meeting with the INS - and I saw the her copy of the emotional needs survey that I filled out before we married. I was surprised, because I thought she threw that away. I asked her "do you think you might be willing to fill this out again sometime", and she replied with something - like she didn't care about it, but wasn't hostile - so I just left it. I think there will come a time when she will say "I have decided that I want to stay married to you" - and at that point, we can talk more about what we need to do to make it a GOOD marriage. As I was leaving today, we were talking - and I just sat on the floor by the door - because she didn't seem to want to let me go - and she said "I'm afraid we're not going to get divorced". She didn't seem too upset about it. Then she said "I wish I could talk to you more - for a couple of hours". I said "well, maybe later". I'm supposed to be cooking lunch now - and she's coming over to do her laundry here - so I'd better go now.<P>Congratulations on your progress. Keep up the good work.<P>-AD

AD,<P> I'm happy everything is working out for you. I am just confused at what might be the time to push; maybe I'll just watch your progress. Good luck.

Hey Good Man,<P>Don't wait on me! You gotta do your OWN thing. <P>Update: W came, I cooked, we ate. She didn't critisize anything or complain about anything - said the dinner was good. She took a bunch of CD's and joked about coming, eating, loading up with stuff and leaving. Anyway, I told her "sure, go ahead and take the CD's. I don't listen to them anyway." It was an OK day so far. Maybe she'll come back in an hour or so and go to church with me. That would be really great.<P>-AD<P>-AD

Hey you two!<P>I'm glad everything is looking good for you both. Wish I could say the same for me.

Good Man,<P>Sorry to post my update on your thread, but W called and said she'd meet me at church tonight. We went, had a good time. Everybody fussed over the baby etc. She dropped me off at home (since I rode there with nephew) and said she'd like to stay and talk, but the baby was asleep already and she should probably get home and put baby to bed. Tomorrow, we to to Atlanta for her INS interview. Is she just being nice to me until that's done? I don't think so, but time will tell.<P>-AD<P>