here's original post:<P>I've posted before, so won't go into details of my story. Dropped my kids off from visti at W's house today - we have been separted less than two weeks. She was not there, so we went in the house amd I waited to be sure she came home. Went upstairs to get a book, and saw her journal open on the floor, so I read. Love letters to someone else-her boss, I think. Don't truly know if they are real or 'fantasy' letters. I think she is having an affair, or is thinking about it.<BR>I know it was wrong, but when she got home, I asked her very calmly if she was having an affair. She denied, but seemed more curious as to why I asked. It has seemed to me for awhile the A was the missing piece in the puzzle. I told her I accepted her answer, and left.<P>First, she asked ME to leave the house because she no longer loves me. Now, what is left of my heart is ripped out. I was keeping things together, trying to focus on me, doing what I read about here. Now, I am just blown away. I cannot think, I feel physically sick, when I first read it I literally went numb.<P>I know from what I have read here this is mild in comparison to some stories, but G*d I hurt down to my core. I still love her, and want her back. But I feel beyond any hope now.<BR>*************************************<P>Now the update.<P>As I mentioned, i asked her about it, and she said no. Well, i just got home and had voice mail saying she wanted to talk about some more. If I had read her journal, I was mistaken. Hard to buy that on, but I'll see. Right now, I think i'll let her sit and wait for a call for awhile-i'll call her tonight.<P>I guess I need to be hoest in that i read her journal, which I know is not too kosher, and could be a LB, but in this context that transgression seems trivial. Plus, the thought had already crossed my mind, especially given what I have learned here-the EA, even if just emotional-had to be there somewhere.<P>Anyway, that's what I am planning to do. i am curious why she called-guilt maybe? And if it is all a big mistake, which is possible, why does she care about clearing it up? In a bizarre way, this seems like a good turn of events.<P>Any thoughts, especially on how I should handle the call?<P>

I'll bet that if you admit to reading the journal, that will become the focus of your conversation with her- "you don't trust me, how could you invade my privacy so," etc. She'll be more defensive, and less likely to admit to the EA, if it is for real. Big time LB, I'd guess. <P>Try hard to stick with Plan A. Be a better man than the one she's either fantisizing about or cheating with. If you have the stomach for it, you might even apologize for bringing up the suspicion- then come here and vent to get it out of your system.<P>Disclaimer: this is my tactic, and is hasn't worked yet. I may indeed be full of it.<p>[This message has been edited by dabigtrain (edited July 29, 2001).]

I would also advise against telling her about the journal. I found out about my XW's affair by reading her e-mail. She had announced that she would divorce me, had made plans to move out, and denied that there was anything going on with OM. I confronted her with my knowledge of her e-mails, and like dabigtrain said, <B>that</B> became the focus of many arguments.<P>Despite the fact that she had been carrying on an EA (I still don't know for sure if it ever became a PA) behind my back, and lied to my face about it, suddenly <B>I</B> became the bad guy! The fact that she was intentionally destroying our marriage in order to be with this guy paled in comparison to my snooping, in her mind. It sounds crazy, but you need to brace yourself for a lot of craziness in the days ahead.<P>On another note, I would agree with NSR's suggestion that you move back into your house. If you bought that house together with your W, it is still <B>your house,</B> and you have every right to keep living there. In many states, the phrase "possession is nine tenths of the law" usually applies to situations like this. If you move out, you pretty much give up your claim to that house. In addition, separation usually spells doom for a marriage. Although it might seem difficult or impossible to live with your W at this point, it is the best chance you have to implement Plan A. <p>[This message has been edited by cjack (edited July 29, 2001).]

ANB3,<BR>I posted to you on the Just Found Out forum. I still stand by my response and hope you get a chance to read it. <P>On the phone call...ask if you can meet her instead of conducting the conversation on the phone. It's so much more difficult to be hurtful face to face than over an impersonal phone line. <P>And the felony journal reading? Sorry, I can find no fault in that during this discovery period. You have a right to know what is going on in your life,,and as long as she is your wife,,Her actions do involve YOUR life. I used many more devious methods of uncovering the truth than that and my only regret was that I waited so long to do it. Had I waited for a confession, I'd still be waiting.