no1bearfan,<BR>Self-discovery is a powerful thing, but as dabigtrain mentioned, you will be heading for a crash. It is very easy to burden all of the responsibility here, looking at all of the 'shoulds' and 'should-nots' from your life together, but you can't do that. I blamed myself for so many things after my wife left and although I was guilty of not meeting all of her needs, she never gave me a chance to correct it either. The first I ever heard of her unhappiness, she had already made up her mind on divorce. At that point, nothing I did or said would have made a difference, even though I tried.<P>If your wife hasn't told you what's broke, then there is no way for you to fix it. You can try, but how will you know that you are working on the right issues? I think your wife owes it to you to tell you some of the things that are bothering her, aside from telling your mutual friend. At least she is talking to someone which is more than my wife ever did, but she should be talking to you.<P>My next piece of advice is for you to be as open as possible with her and do not try to push matters. When someone wants to leave a relationship, the more they are pushed, the faster they will run. Unless you are prepared for the answer, don't ask or force a subject that you are not ready to deal with. If you are not careful, you may just force her out quicker than she has already planned.<P>It's going to be difficult and will take some swalling of your pride, but she is running the show and is calling all the shots. Be prepared to stay in limbo for a while if this is really the person you want to spend your life with. I see you going through so many of the same things that I went through and I speak from experience here when I say that you can't do anything right now to change your wife's mind. The most you can strive for is to keep your homelife warm and inviting so that she is not afraid or uncomfortable to be at home. If the two of you are still living together, then you might want to consider an in-home separation before she moves out. Odds are now something like 90% of all marriages where a spouse moves out will end in divorce. That's not too promising of a figure. It's not a guarantee, but the longer the two of you reside under the same roof, the better your chances will be. I would also keep pushing for joint-counseling sessions with a trained marriage counselor if your wife is still willing.<P>Just stay the course, you are handling things very well.

no1bearfan, please read my post which I am working on right now. It is shocking, all the similarities we share. Perhaps we can get a little strength from each other as we try to deal with our situation as best we can. My post will be called "My Life". <P>------------------<BR>Don't look back. You never know what is gaining on you.

You know, Jayhawk, she did tell me what was broke many times but also peppered it with "I'm not going anywhere" during those same times. I knew that I was creating an environment that she hated coming home to but felt powerless to do anything because my heart would hurt when she was gone. So I'd pout, mope, do all of those destructive things that I couldn't conquer and cover up because I hurt so bad. Turns out I was just too stupid and stubborn to cover it up...or not strong enough. I know that I need professional help to try to deal with adversity in my life in any area...unfortunately, by the time I acknowledge this, I am losing that which is most important...my wife, my soulmate, my greatest gift from the Lord, my angel. What a cruel, cruel lesson to have to learn.<P>Wolfen talks about his ghosts in his empty apartment...my ghosts are the memories of my angel walking down the aisle to become my wife. She was so beautiful and I think for the first time in my life, I felt a happiness so true and so real that day...I guess it was too good to be true.<P>