Hi Gang,<P>Over the weekend I had some time to gather my thoughts. I also saw some of you talking about "end of relationship" letters and even posting some of them. I also know, Dr. Dobson mentioned something about it in his book. I didn't have a chance to get the book yet and in my little town we don't have divorce support groups, so I thoght I ask you folks: What do you think about these letters? I am also attaching the draft of my letter. I would appreciate any comments on it if you take the time to read it. Thank you a bunch!<P>Dear Michelle,<P>I have a lots of things on my mind that I don’t know how to share with you. The last six weeks have changed me a lot. I had to look into myself in a way I have never done before. These are hard times for me and probably for you, too.<P>I am really, really sorry that things got where they are right now. I did not want this turn of events. I would like to apologize for everything I have done wrong in the past seven years. I know I have caused you a lot of pain and suffering. I am truly sorry for that. Now, it is too late to analyze or explain everything. Whatever happened, it happened and no way we could change that. It is time to put it behind us, move ahead and look at the future. I hope that one day you will be able to forgive me. It wasn’t my intention to hurt you. I just wanted to love you the best I could.<P>Looking deep into myself the last few weeks, I discovered parts of me I never knew existed. Now, I just feel sorry that it took me thirty years get to this point, where I really have to find out who I am and what I want. Sometimes I feel like I lived in a fog. But now, the fog is gone and I finally started to see my reflection in the mirror.<P>As weird as it sounds, I would like to thank you for helping me get to this point. I can only be a better, stronger person in the future if I know who I am. I know, I have a hard road ahead of me, but I also know that I am ready to take the challenges, no matter how hard they might be.<P>I love you and I will love you for the rest of my life. The last seven years you brought a world into my life I never knew. These memories will always live within me. I will never forget the day when you stepped off the train and I met you, or the first time you took me to Deception Pass and showed me the Pacific. I can still feel your tight grip on my hands when our airplanes took off or landed. The smile on your face when you saw the wolves, the grizzly and moose in Yellowstone, will always be embedded in my heart. I really enjoyed our conversations during our morning or evening walks with the dogs. Pulling weeds with you in the garden made me forget about all my worries. I loved playing our candle lit Trivial Pursuit games on cold winter nights. Your knowledge was something that always amazed me. I could strike up a conversation with you anytime on any topic and your thorough knowledge really fascinated me. You made me enjoy Christmas in a way I never imagined. I could fill a whole notebook with the wonderful experiences and moments you gave me in the past seven years. These memories will live with me for the rest of my life. I would like to thank you for sharing these wonderful times with me.<P>Finally I would like you to know, that I am parting with peace. Thank you for all you did for me. I hope you find your happiness. I also hope we can still remain friends.<P>I love you.<P><BR>Farewell sweat heart,<P>Attila <BR><p>[This message has been edited by Tacsi (edited July 29, 2001).]

Hey Tacsi. Don't give up so soon, man! If you can't find the books locally, order them on the Internet - from half.com or Amazon.com. Don't go off half cocked. It looks like a lovely letter - but "goodbye"? already? It sounds a little like you are pushing her away. Maybe that's a good idea. Maybe it isn't, but don't just shoot from the hip. Take careful aim.<P>Look Tacsi, if anything I wrote led you to this, I don't want the responsibility. Before you send that letter - or any letter. At least read every last word on this web site - not the forums - but the main site itself. Read about the basic principles - the Emotional Needs, Love Busters, Policy of Joint Agreement. Read about all the Q&As. Read the sections on infidelity. If you want to save your marriage, think long and hard about every word. Don't just take some quick-off advice from somebody (like me) on the forum. Your whole future depends on this. Make sure you get it right. Invest the time and effort to do your best in this.<P>-AD

AD,<P>Thanks for your advice. However, I am still confused, I don't know what to do. I read almost everything on the MD site and I looked into a few other books and relationship web sites (I have to admit, this one is far the best). I listened to my cancellor, too. I am trying really hard, but right now, I just don't seem to get ahead. Like tonight as an example: I got back from the mountains where I spend the weeked with two of my friends from work. On the way home, I called my wife to tell her I am coming home to pick up dogs (sounds silly, but since we don't have kids, the dogs are our children. we have joint custody of them). So, anyhow she tells me, I don't have to pick them up, she will drop them off at the house. When I got home, the dogs were there, but she forgot to bring their food. I vent out and had dinner then called my wife. Nobody answered the phone. Since I was in the neghborhood, I decided to stop by her sister's house (she is staying there). When I got there I discovered that everybody was home includinng my wife's boyfriend. I also came to find out that they just had dinner at my mother-in-law's house. Obviously, everybody in the family booted me out, accepted the new boyfriend and on top of it they are even encouraging their affair!!! I can't measure up against the whole family. It is draining me mentally. I could only come up with one plan: let her go, try to forget her for a while and then see what happens. <BR>I will still follow your advice AD. I am going to read the letter again, one word at the time to make sure I am not making a mistake. I will also re-read everything on this site and I will stop by the library, too. Then I will decide if I am going to give her the letter or not. I will let you know.<BR>Until then, thank you for your help, my friend.<BR>Cheers,<BR>Tacsi

I wrote a hundred letters and I never sent them, the letters were for me to express what i was feeling. Think about giving this somemore time and don't rush into anything. Whats the hurry? If you are not with someone else or palnning to be then what does it hurt to wait this out?