My H was having an emotional affair with a co-worker for a couple of months.<P>He admitted this just recently. I guess that I wasn't meeting his emotional needs and she was. <P>He would talk to her in the canteen at work in the middle of the night (he worked night-shift and she worked there). They became close and would confide in each other.<BR>Other co-workers talked about how close they had become. He said that he was inflauated with her and there would always be a chemistry there. She is also married.<P>He has broken off all contact with her because he says that he wants to work things out with me. I have been trying very hard to meet his emotional needs, something that she was very good at providing in his hour of need, instead of coming to me. <P>Although he says that he hasn't spoke to her for 2 months, are they any signals I should be picking up to doubt otherwise? Any questions from me about her are met with complete denial and me just being 'paranoid'.<P>It's on my mind all the time and I'm having a hard time dealing with it. <P>He had me meeting her and her family because he wanted to put it straight in his head, who was his friend and who was his wife, did he need any reminding, his wife was the one wearing his wedding ring...<P>The minute I saw her, she never introduced herself and neither did he try to introduce us. I had a gut feeling from the minute I saw her that there was more to it than friendship, she was very beauiful and I keep saying 'that's just your friend'! That was a couple of months ago. I just wish now that I questioned him at the time. It all came out recently that he had become close to her.<P>The problem is, how do I know that it's really over, take his word for it? <P>I just try to provide all his emotional needs at home now, the place where he should have gone to in the first place. But what about the signals.<P>Before I go, just a word of warning, when your partner starts mentioning a 'friend' outside the marriage from the opposite sex, and that person is 'just a friend', let the alarm bells start ringing very very loud before your faced with a full blown affair, I just hope that by proding in time, saved him from overstepping the line were that would have happened.<P>He said that he would have to lie to me if he ever spoke to her again because of the way I would react when he mentioned her name so how can I tell if there is still contact, any tips please!!

cuddles, your h is probably having an affair, either emotional or physical or both. it's extremely difficult to back away from an affair after one has become emotionally involved. i doubt there is anything anyone can do, realistically speaking, to make the relationship go away. your h is on that slippery slope to the physical part. i recall my w asking me, before i became physically involved with my ow, if i was sexually attracted to my ow. i answered honestly that i was not. shortly afterwards i was having a full blown affair. i would have done anything, at any expense to be with the ow. i'm sorry i couldn't be more encouraging. i sense you are not being honest with yourself. as most betrayed spouses will attest, you tend to fool yourself because you don't want to believe something so increditably terrible could happen to you and your life. but good luck and keep posting.