Stats suggest men are reinvolved seriously in relationship within one year of divorce. My concern is this the kids from your first marriage suffer from this involvement and they will suffer more unless we use caution.<P>I see many kids in my office who have suffered from the lose of a father due to divorce. I also want you to know that the stats on success in a second marraige are worse then those of a first!<P>Plus 18 months into divorce 75% of men have little or no involvement with their kids! It is no wonder mothers get custody all the time. Men don't be a stat! Be a dad! Be involved with your kids daily if possible! Go to everything they do and be active in their lives! No woman is worth the lsoe of your kids!

hurtinginOmaha,<P>Great advice to the Dad's out there. But it sure is sad when your kid's dad is one of the 75% that don't bother with their kids. I have 2 teenagers. Their dad has not bothered to have any contact at all with them in 6 months, and has had very minimal contact for the last 1 1/2 years that we have been seperated. When he lived with us, he blamed me for his relationship with the kids. After he left, I told him that I would quit trying to faciliate their relationships, because he said I was always in the way. The result has been that he does not bother to have a relationship with them at all.<P>Should I just let things continue on this way? After being rejected this way, the kids do not want to have anything to do with him. I know that my 17 year old son is very angry at his father. But I will have to get involved with their relationships again for anything to happen. They are almost grown (17 and 19) so I really feel it is up to my STBXH to develop his own relationship with them if he wants one. To date, it appears that he is more interested in developing a relationship with his girlfriend's children than his own. Should I push their relationship again for the sake of the kids? He now has a girlfriend and is drinking quite a lot. I am also concerned that there is a good possibility that he may be experiencing with drugs to some degree. I would like a male point of view on this.<P>------------------<BR>Character is determined by what you do when no one is watching.

if dads are so important, why don't XWives split the time 50-50 and then let the dad decide what to do with the kids on his time?<P>Since my XW and her laywer said, the judge won't give you any more than the minimum, why should we. . . says alot about women's attitudes towards sharing with the XH. . . we had a mediated agreement, and she couldn't hold to it. . . the kids are the prize to be won from divorce, not to be shared.<P>as my lawyer explained to me, it is pretty demoralizing to a mother NOT to have the XH near the minimum, although he also said the agreements are pretty ephemeral.. . . and to make it worse, XW wouldn't even call me to take the kids if they are home sick from school, she has left them alone instead of asking me. . . and they were 8 and 11. . . <P>you see the problem is that the courts can't give enough time to make a good decision, and so it is very biased towards the mom, so let me tell you, i understand if the XW just wants to punish the XH by divorcing him, the XH gets 4 days every 14, why bother. . . . you don't have enough time to make an impact, they just go back and get reaclimated to the mom, and dad is forgotten for another two weeks. . . .<P>you see, lawyers and the system perpetuate the symbolic alienation of the dad, i had nearly half time, and i had the kids while X worked, and then she didn't like that, for some reason, wouldn't tell me, just in the best interests of the kids, or i want weekends without having to negotiate with you is probably more like it. . . . makes it difficult to have a real relationship with the kids. . . . sorry, so should i have them like me on my every other weekend, have fun with them? or should i try to impose some good values, such as anger is not a suitable means to communicate with someone you love, and try to break them of their mom's bad habits. . .<P>you need to talk to you legislators or your family court judge. . . talking to us doesn't help us good fathers who can get screwed by lazy judges. . . . or lawyers who deem that saving the kids from the other bad parent is a noble goal. . . . or selfish XW who wouldn't be in this situation if they weren't so controlling. . .. you get the picture.<P>and yes, if you want me to display some bad emotions, anger, frustration, etc., tell me i should spend more time with my kids, or tell me i should always want my XW back. . .<P><p>[This message has been edited by WhenIfindthetime (edited July 30, 2001).]