I have posted a few times on the A/B board. My husband of 10 years moved out of state to be with OW that he met at high school reunion in April. He is not willing to work on our relationship. I am. I tried to plan A and I do feel stronger for myself. My concern is for him. I am his second wife. He has moved very quickly to the other woman. His parents divorced when he was young and his father has had four wives. He is well on the way to repeating his father's mistakes. I don't believe marriage is disposable but I don't have the financial resources to fight with a lawyer. All that would do anyway is make us both bitter. His mother is part of the problem. She is condoning his actions and supporting him. She has been stabbing me in the back for years and I didn't realize it. I trusted my husband to be honest with me. He has not been for some time. I have told him repeatedly that I don't want a divorce and that I am willing t give him time. But he doesn't seem to care much about my feelings. And he is not willing to open up. I am taking antidepressants and seeing a councelor. I have read His Needs/Her Needs and SAA.(He also read part of SAA)My questions are this: 1) When his lawyer makes contact should I let my feelings be known? 2) Should I take the financial risk of trying to get him into counceling? 3)How do I let go after the divorce is final? To be honest I have thought back to the beginning of our marriage and realize that my needs were not being met and thus I'm sure his weren't either. Stubbornness may have been the only thing that kept us together. When I tell him that our relationship can be better than it ever was he doesn't seem to believe me. And yet he wants to remain friends after the divorce. How can I stay friends with someone who has hurt me?

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by girlscout:<BR><B>My questions are this:<BR> 1) When his lawyer makes contact should I let my feelings be known?</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE>Get your own lawyer if you can. Otherwise, be businesslike: figure out what you need, ask for much more at the outset, and compromise at the point you figured in the first place. The attorney needs to look to his client like he's worth something. Helping him do that also helps you get what you want.<B> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR> 2) Should I take the financial risk of trying to get him into counceling?</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>Not while he's out of the house and in an ongoing affair ... absence of either situation might indicate some ambivalence. There doesn't seem to be any here. <BR><B> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>3)How do I let go after the divorce is final?</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE>Why wait? Start letting go now. Think about what your ideal life would be like without him, and what it would take to get you there. Start working toward that. It will help you with your anger and resentment, keep you busy, and improve your life. <P>Someoe should also show up with the post of general welcome ... if you don't get it, you might try a search on "general welcome" ... there are a lot of good links, etc. in that post. <P>