Okay, my H just called, he said he wants to take our son to see a movie on Friday, and would I look up the time it starts, so he could plan around that. I said "But if you're going to take him out, shouldn't you make the arrangements?" To which he replied he couldn't find out the times. I said I thought it was in the paper, which he had handy, found the time, and thanked me.<P>NOW, should I have happily done this small thing for him, giving him a nice message, or do what I did, and make him take responsibility for his time with the kids? You see on other occasions he has looked to me for suggestions on what to do with them, and I just don't say anything. Once I said he needs to plan what he will do with them in advance, to make it easier.<P>Funny though, when we were together he always said it was HIM that got all the ideas for our recreation...yet he seems to be relying on me for that now.<P>I'm confused!!!

moviefone.com and yahoo.com can both do the same things for him ... maybe hollywood.com too. He might even find them fun, but whether you point him there depends on the situation. <P>In general, spouses should take time for one another and do things for each other, even unbidden--and without some reminder that the other can do that for himself. Whether you do this for him depends on whether you are in Plan A or Plan B.

Nina,<BR>Is he trying to avoid taking the responsibility for the evening? If you make the plans and something goes wrong, then he can blame you because it was your idea. I do think he should take the responsibility, and that is what you said. The only other warped explanation I can think of, is that this was his way of communicating his plans to you. In which case your reply was still probably the best thing to do.<P>Lostva once posted on how she was nice, but not necessarily helpful. Her H asked for his favorite meatloaf recipe so that the OW could make it for him. The next time he came over, she had made it herself and invited him to eat with the family, but she did not "accommodate" him by giving him the recipe, and enable him to enjoy all the comforts of home without her.<P>Just a thought.<P>Anne

Nina, just an anecdote to share from something not too different that happened to me last night. I was picking up the kids last night for thier night with me. I am taking my son to a ballgame tonight with his school class from last year. Spouse is taking daughter to a movie.<P>She was supposed to e-mail his teacher to let her know who was coming, but had not done it. She had the sheet with the details, said she would do it, then said on second thought could i do it.<P>My reaction was that it was an opportunity to maybe put a penny in the bank, so i told her sure. She seemed pleased. It was inconsequential, but from where i sit right every teeny, tiny little thing may make a difference.

Thanks for answering.<P>I am a bit worried that it may have been a LB, because a few weeks ago I gave him the Dobson letter, saying I was letting go. At the time he thanked me for it. Now, I'm wondering if this is his way of NOT letting me go, or communicating a message that he still needs me in some respect....that's what I want, so maybe I blew it. He seemed cheerful enough at the end though.