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Joined: Aug 2001
Posts: 18
Junior Member
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OP
Junior Member
Joined: Aug 2001
Posts: 18 |
My wife of 18 years, said she was unhappy for the last<BR>8 years of our marriage, but she did a wonderful job<BR>of hiding it. I was in the Navy for 23 years, and during<BR>the middle part of our marriage, I was not home as much<BR>as I wanted. My wife blames the Navy for that. Since then,<BR>and four affairs later with other men, she has decided that<BR>it be best that we divorce. I don't want to divorce, as I<BR>see the good in her, and still love her dearly. I am <BR>a hurting unit to say the least, and it never goes away.<BR>I feel as though I have failed in the most cherished of<BR>things, and I am being force fed this divorce and separation. My wife does not want anything to do with<BR>counseling. Do I continue to try, or is that just wishful<BR>thinking on my part and when does the hurt go away.
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Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 3,294
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Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 3,294 |
Hi ken1113.<P>Sorry you are here, but welcome. <P>My h said the same thing, not happy for years, didn't show it. We'd been together for the same amount of time, too.<P>Is she still living with you?<P>Here you can find a lot of help both written and through the people who post here. <P>Go back to the home page and look up everything you can, especially Plan A and B, Love Busters, and the infidelity info will be particularly useful to you.<P>I wish I could say some magic words to make you feel better, but the truth seems to be that the pain is here to stay for a while. What you need to do is try to look after yourself as much as you can. Take care of YOU, call on your friends for support, and come here too whenever you need to. Someone will always listen, and try to help.<P>Nina<BR>
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Joined: Aug 2001
Posts: 18
Junior Member
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OP
Junior Member
Joined: Aug 2001
Posts: 18 |
Thanks nina, <BR>No, my wife has left and move into an apartment a few miles<BR>away. She says she loves me, but not in love with me. Our<BR>two sons live with me, and I have to see her when she comes<BR>over to pick one of them up. The other drives his own car.<BR>Its difficult to say the least.<P>We have been separated for five months now, and she <BR>says she wants to be friends, but she wants to be able<BR>to come and go as she pleases with no one to answer to.<P>So confusing.
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Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 3,294
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Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 3,294 |
That "I love you but I'm not in love with you" line is SO common here. I got it from my h, and I think it's a cop out.<P>I have only been separated a few weeks. My h wanted space too. So i gave it to him, and I wrote him a letter to tell him I was letting go, on the principle that the more I held on, the more he tried to get away. I hoped that if I let go, REALLY let go, it might make him think. He thanked me and he has been much more communicative with me since. If you're interested, I got the letter from a post called "Tough Love...it is the Dobson letter people talk about. It is a couple of weeks old now but you could try a search.<P>Good luck.<P>Nina
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Joined: Aug 2001
Posts: 18
Junior Member
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OP
Junior Member
Joined: Aug 2001
Posts: 18 |
Thanks Nina,<P>I sent a letter to my wife this morning letting her<BR>go and throwing in the towel and really giving up.<BR>I hope that the letter brings back some good memories,<BR>and jogs her memory of what we had and what we can have,<BR>and if it doesn't, at least we won't be mortal enemies,<BR>as our two sons depend on us.
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