I posted my story on this board about a month ago when my wife said she was unhappy and wanted to go to a marriage counselor. We've been to 3 sessions together where my wife has openly doubted if she married the right man and thinks we are incompatible. We celebrated? our 4th anniversary recently by going out to dinner with our 3-year old. (real romantic) My wife is confused, there is nothing terribly wrong with our marriage and I DON'T suspect an affair. She wants to try a trial separation, the only thing keeping her from leaving now is money. I was devestated when she first told me of all this, it didn't take me long to find this board. Although this is only my second post, I've been logging on daily and absorbing the material. Right now there's a strange sense of calmness over me, I'm hoping it's not the calm before the storm. I'm prepared to give my wife a separation if that is what she wants. I am going to stay in the house since I am not the one who wants this. Our marriage counselor said we need to find activities or hobbies that we can do outside of our marriage -- in other words do things apart from one another and try to find some common ground later on. Basically we haven't cultivated any relationships outside of us, so for the past 4 years we have tried to be everything to each other and our daughter. It seems like there just aren't enough hours in the day to raise a family and spend time on ourselves individually. Anyway, I'm rambling. I'm not going to beat myself up over this (I did in the beginning) and take whatever hand life is gonna deal me. Me 33, Her 28

Hi Hang Ten,<P>It seems like both you and your W need to make some individual time for your own pursuits. Think back to before you were married, what did you like to do? Maybe she liked the same things maybe not. We all are capable of shutting ourselves away from the world once we have a family, especially with small children, as it seems easier to just stay at home. But YOU time is still important.<P>I also did not stand in my H's way when he wanted to leave. He WANTED to be away from me, how could I change that? He will only know what he wants when he IS away from me. And you know what they say "If you love someone, set them free..." It's been hard, but lately his attitude is making me hopeful.<P>Read everything you can on this site, start at the home page and learn about the things that can be done to make it easier. I call them survival tactics, for ME. I don't know if they will save my marriage, but I'm giving it my best shot. And keep posting; it's good for the soul, and there are lots of others here who may be able to help.<P>I wish you well.<BR>

Thanks Nina Too, for starters I'm going to start working out again. I used to pump iron before I was a husband & father. It was a good stress/anxiety reliever and that's what I need now more than anything. After all, the only person in this world I can control is me. It's high time I spent some time on me while allowing my wife the space she needs. Your words echo my wife's words. She said she wants time away from me so she can figure out why she brought me into her life to begin with. It hurts, but if it is what she needs to do I am not going to stop her. I pray that she realizes what she has in me while we are apart. Here's to hoping, cheers.

Hang Ten,<P>You sound like you've got the right attitude, and I think you already HAVE done a lot of reading. <P>I love my H, always will, but the time came to let him go emotionally (outwardly at least.) If you've read the Tough Love post, (you'll have to look for it cos it was probably two weeks ago now), Dobson says that the more we try to hold on, the more they want to get away. Previously I WAS clingy, and the more I was, the less he liked it. So I have withdrawn the emotions when I am with him. <P>It certainly has worked for me...he is much more responsive and communicative since I let him know I was letting go. I believe it is also making him think about whether this is the right thing to do. Before then, there was such a wall up that he couldn't even look at me. But more important, it has somehow given me a sense of control, too. So I have hope. But it is taking great commitment, not to LB or become emotional. <P>Good luck!