Yes, it's raining in St Louis and that leaves me alone and very sad. Braves are winning though <P>I don't have anything to add that I haven't expressed in some other thread but I still don't feel I have any idea what I should be doing. I was going to write my H a letter but I know I would end up giving it to him and it would most likely be seen as a LB.( not on the ugly side, but on the clingy, desparate side) As stated in previous threads, my H moved out 4 months ago and has made no attempts to work on our marriage. He denies an affair, but I don't believe him. I don't have proof yet but he won't disclose where he is living, he has a new car key on this key ring and he took another woman and her 5 yr old D fishing with our son on Father's day weekend. <P>My H came to our son's baseball practice tonight and once again, we talked, laughed, etc, just like we were still together. The problem is we are not together. He seems to forget that when he is around. He can go 4-5 days without visiting or calling me or the kids and then "poof" he shows up and acts as if nothing is wrong. He is even starting to hug me hello and goodbye. He is definately avoiding the bedroom now which up to 3 weeks ago, he wasn't. I cannot find a balance.<P>I don't know how to act. I'm trying to be nice, not cry around him, work on myself, yada, yada, yada but I have no idea if what I do or say is a LB to him or not. He really tried to be helpful tonight, offering to get me dinner, looking a the window on the truck that won't roll up, feeding the dog... He also has been helping load up and haul off some of the brush/limbs we cut down. He keeps saying I should take it easy, I've been doing too much and I might hurt myself(I have a bad knee). I think it just bugs him that I'm getting all the work done that he should have done the past 3 years. He has said how proud he is of me and that does feel good.<P>I know I shouldn't LB and I am not supposed to give ultimatums but my H seems perfectly content with this new life. He comes and goes as he pleases. He is helpful when he is around but since I no way to contact him, he is never asked to do anything on demand. We were together 17 years, married 12, and I feel like we know each other well. He knows he is hurting me and hates to see me cry.<P>I'm worried about our D. She wouldn't go to practice tonight even though she hadn't seen her Dad for over 5 minutes in weeks. She also asks me if I would come home crying. Just after H left the house tonight she came into my room and looks at me in the eyes to see if I was crying. I was teary but not boo-hoo-ing. <P>I am doing my best to do things for me and the kids and not worry constantly about my H. I am no longer having panic attacks when I don't hear from him. I keep hearing that my marriage problems are basically my fault because I allow him to have his cake and eat it too. What I don't know how to do is balance Plan A vs. establishing boundaries. If he was being a jerk in his current actions or if I really thought he didn't love me and the kids, this would be so much easier. <P>It is impossible for me to set these boundaries and make him do his fair share with the kids without love busting. I can and have written many letters explaining how much the kids love him and miss him and that I don't want to stand in the way of his relationship with them. He says he misses the kids all the time and wishes he could see them everyday. HE CAN, HE JUST WON'T. <P>I am being repeatitive from my other posts so I'll log off now. I just needed to "talk" to someone who understands the pain and frustration of trying to reconcile a marriage single-handedly. I am not doing anything against my will. He is not making any kinds of demands on me. I actually enjoy the time we are spending together, although it is limited. The problem is that it hurts so bad to know things could go on like this for a long long time. I don't think he will file for divorce unless OW forces him too. He doesn't want to look like the bad guy. I wish he had thought of that before he left. He says he was so stressed out before he moved that he was getting concerned for his health ( thoughts of suicide). I know he is depressed but he is not doing anything to better his situation. He seems happy with status quo. <P>Thanks to anyone who is listening. I needed to talk tonight or I was going to go nuts. <P>Good night. Thanks for your prayers.<BR>L

Hi, fellow Braves fan!!!! I was bummed w/the rain delay, too....esp.since John was pitching!!!!!<P>To keep from thinking about my stuff, my daughter & I watched Montel w/Jay MacGraw....pretty interesting stuff...if you can get 'em on the right track early, maybe we can keep our kids from the same stupid things we've done & put up with!!!!<P>Go Braves!<BR>Lisa

I think we are married to the same man. Only I am farther down the path than you are right now. My STBXH left April Fools Day 2000 He left because he too was worried about his health- he was depressed. And out of my love for him, I let him also have his cake and eat it too. I thought time, freedom and my love would help heal him. It did not. It kept him from feeling quilty and he used the freedom to look for other women. And being clingy was definately not the thing for me to do (but I did it anyway too) He also sent me mixed signals and would not take action to save or end the marriage. And I did not set boundaries. The result is that after 1 1/2 years, my sense of worth was pitiful. I loved him and showed him with every fiber of my body, and he rejected me. I filed for divorce this summer. I do not say this to depress you. Hopefully someone can learn from my mistakes. DO set boundaries. DO NOT act clingy (I thought I needed to show him how devestated the kids and I were. It only made him feel guilty so he pulled further away). BE STRONG and be the woman he fell in love with! I'm praying for you guys <P>Lisa<P>------------------<BR>Character is determined by what you do when no one is watching.