Mam oh'Man what a world.<P>What a significant blast from the past.<P>If you guy remember my post back in Dec/Jan time frame about me reading a manuscript about the problems and issues that my now VSTBX wife and her brother had as children.<BR>It was a very, very bad time for them. So much so that I Believe it killed my relationship with my wife. (If'n ya'll remeber that post)<P>Well about a week ago we got the word that he died about 3-4 weeks ago. <P>In the book he was an abusive, alky, and gave mental and physical abuse too.<P>Dig this. For the last 10 or so years.<BR>1.) Nobody ever saw him drink.<BR>2.) He was a leader in the comunity.<BR>3.) People came to him for advice.<BR>4.) He told the entire comunity about his childern. (Never stopped talking about them)<BR>5.) Was a God fearing man.<BR>6.) The whole comunity loved him and misses him.<P>This knocked my vstbxw and bil for a loop. She called me to talk about it and the words coming out of my mouth were coming from a different person now than if this would have happened 8-10 years ago. they came out almost unemotionally<P>She asked me why he didn't try to get in contact with her/us. I said that he was probably to ashamed of his past for that and the only way he could make amends was to leave you and BIL a small life insurance policy and his small farm.<P>She said she was concerned about how the BIL was taking it. I said It doesn't matter to me how he takes it, I was concerned about how she was taking it. I said both of you need closure and the exact second that you pour his ashes out to the ground each of you will expireance something and IT will be different for each of you based on how you each precieved your dreaded childhood. I said I do care about what is going on w./ BIL but right now you are more important to me than he is. <P>I said your father, based on what I NOW KNOW of him has been messing w/ us since I knew you. I have been deal w/ marital problems from the very start of our marriage, that were created by this man and I didn't ever know him. If he had came walking up to my door, I wouldn't know him from adam, however, if he had 8 years ago maybe we wouldn't be in this position right now. <P>So you go down there and get closure. It time for you to completely work on YOU, not the BIL, not our little one, not me, YOU GO WORK ON YOU!!!. Its your time. You need it, our D needs it, I need it, by fixing you, you fix more than you. I'll be hear if you need to talk, I will look after D so don't worry, IT'LL be OK. But, you need to do this. I would say go be a (My last name) but its obviously to late for that and you understand what I mean anyway. It'll be OK, and I'll be here if you need to talk.<P>Man, fear does strange things to people. I hope she get the closure she need.. Maybe it'll help the next guy in her life.<P>All he needed to do was ask for forgiveness and it would have been granted. What a crying shame. He would have know he had a Sil, a grand D, etc.<P><BR>Anyway. Just thought I would share.<P>Tex. <P>

A psychiatrist once told me of a patient in a ward he had overseen who had been diagnosed as schizophrenic, etc. and put in an institution where he langushed for 15 years ... nobody could do anything to help him. <P>One day a telegram arrives: "Your mother has died."<P>Within a few months, improvement is so dramatic that the patient moves out, opens his own business, and lives a mentally healthy life thereafter. <P>Something about that mother no longer walking the Earth ... freed him.

WOW Tex,<BR>I will have to ponder that for a while... What a whirl wind... Q did your wife agree about your thoughts of him. If he was what was part of the problem with your marriage?<BR>Wishing you well<BR>JJ

Hi JJ.<P>I don't really remember if she did or didn't agree. Not be be filpant(sp?) but at this point it really doesn't matter. She's in the fog has been for a very very long time. I gave up, let go and filed along time ago. <P>If you are headed in the "Would I take her back" area. right now I would have to say aaaaaaaaa lets see.... NOPE.<P>Maybe a few years down the road. Maybe. since I let go My life has done a 180 and I'm so much happier now than then. <BR>The damage has been done.. I'm just more interested in how she is going to be acting as the mother to my child, then anything else..<P>Tex.

She'll be the best mother to her child if she has the father of her child as her husband. But that's got to be a mutual choice.

I couldn't agree with you more SIS. <P>Time will tell. If she come around in a few months/years and I'm available MAYBE, as I don't know what the big man upstairs has in store for me. If not then Oh Well..<P>I have to look after myself. If I can help her, I'll be there for her. She has to ask for it. I'm working on me now..<P>Tex.

Hey tex,<BR>That is the best thing you said was :work on yourself:. That is the biggest and hardest step to take. As well as being a good father. That is the one thing I wish I can change about my exh is make him a better father and except responsability. TIME... is all I can say and hope he will come around. Way to go Tex your on your way.. <BR>Wish you well<BR> JJ