Ok, you all posed some very good questions, so here goes. I have known him for 4yrs, we moved very fast..met on the internet, he was seperated awaiting divorce at the time..we are 13yrs apart. He works 12hr days, I stay home. I am not clingy...we barely see each other. I have read thru this site quite abit, I even signed BOTH of us up for the newsletter, and have repeatedly asked for marriage counseling. He does not want to try, feeling that it will "take too long, and would be pointless"..he feels we are just too different, make each other miserable, and want different things. I also have issues with sex..meaning things in my past, along with the way I have been brought up..have affected me to where I am fine without it. I want to get help for this, believe me..but here I go back to the whole he doesn't want to thing. It seems divorce is so easy anymore, and I feel like if we give up now, I'll always wonder. If we didn't have my son..I wouldn't be so concerned.. we have been rocky from the start pretty much. He says he wants an old fashioned marriage..He works..I stay home, take care of EVERYTHING here, he doesn't want to be bothered with stuff here. My biggest gripe is we don't have time together, he feels I don't appreciate him. My question is, do I keep pushing...to work things out...or do I let him have what he wants..?<BR>I think I should add, if I didn't..that we were finally intimate just last nite (his idea)..after two months..I had hoped it would spark something in him...but no..it hasn't..<BR>does this help?

Man do you guys have an uphill battle..<P>First the whole thing was a rebound for him and that in itself is not a good thing. You met on the internet which there is not a thing wrong with that. But how long did you date and get to know each other in person? <BR>Then the sex thing is a BIG red flag. After months of being rejected one night of passion is not going to turn this around? <P>Did you talk about the sex BEFORE you married? Did you tell him you had a problems with it and that you did not want it? Did you discuss work and hours and attitudes about home life expectations?<P>Geeezzzzzz it never ceases to amaze me how many people get married and do not discuss the most basic concepts, what did you discuss in courtship? I don't know what to say except sounds to me it is about time you two sat down and really talked and tried to be HONEST and forthright with everything. <P>Then decide.<P>Have you read the Policy on joint agreement? <P> <BR>

Confused&Lonely,<P>I'm glad you're doing the reading - and thinking about looking for counseling. Does your husband control the money to the extent that you can't go to counseling by yourself? Even going by yourself can help a lot.<P>OK, I think we have identified some things to work on.<P>He says you "don't appreciate him". I know how that feels. So, maybe I can tell you something about it. There are so many forms that it takes. <BR>1) My W would ask for something. I would try to do it, but it would not be good enough. Something was always wrong with it.<BR>2) She cares more about the child than she does about me. Yes, I know the child is important - and very demanding, but the relationship with your husband requires maintenance. You say you don't have time together. When you DO have time together, what do you do? Is your child always with you - or do you get a babysitter? What I'm getting at here, is that he may be unwilling to spend time with you - because even when he is with you, you don't focus on him - or really pay full attention to him. I don't know if this is the case, I'm just speculating. Tell us more about this.<BR>3) My W really seems to care more about her family that she cares about me in general. She wants to look good for her family. Are there any issues with your family or his? <P>About the um... well.. you know... you need to talk to DesertRose7 or some of the other ladies about the most personal problems. As a guy, I'm out of my element - and I'll just leave it for them. But I agree with the other poster that rejection is a big deal. After awhile, I guy will just give up. It hurts too much to be rejected. I'm not saying its all about him. It should be something that is pleasant for both of you. Again, you need to talk to DesertRose7 or some of the other ladies here. They can help, I think. You might post something over on the Emotional Needs forum. If you put the word S*x in the title, you will get plenty of attention. <P>More questions :<BR>-Has he been married only once before?<BR>-Were you previously married?<BR>-What was your "history"?<BR>-What did you think about him being separated awaiting divorce?<BR>-Did he ever talk about his x-wife(s) and the problems that led to his previous divorce(s)?<BR>-Does he drink? or have other problems?<P>You told us what HE wants - "an old-fashioned marriage". What do YOU want?<P>Please answer on this thread so that we can keep all your postings together. It makes it easier for everybody to keep track of you.<P>In answer to your "big question". I think you keep working to make the marriage work - but most of that probably should not be "pushing". It should be listening. If he will talk about it - even if it is painful - keep him talking and LISTEN. Try not to make him feel like you are begging him or chasing him. This is, by the way, only MY opinion - and certainly not to be taken as any kind of authoritative answer.<P>Keep trying. It's worth it.<P>-AD