Here's my question. <P>Where's Gods grace in this situation? How should've it been handled? Was it handled properly, ethically, morally or was just plain "Pharacy".????<P>I will go back a ways , because it is now 3 years later. The reason I ask the question is not because I havn't let it go or forgiven those who hurt me. But, because I am still wounded, and part of me just wants to know is it what God would have done????<P>I was 19 and in Bible collage, (very strict rules). I met a man (Bob) who was separated from his wife. She had left him for another man, he spent 2 years single , gaining back his emotional health from the affair. We met when he was going through his divorce procedures. But was not legally divorced. However she was still with this other man , there was no room for reconciliation on her part. <P>Because we decided to see each other we were given many steps of church discipline. <P>-I was dismissed from my Bible Collage (1 month shy of graduation) for breaking rules of staying in my car all night with him. (platonic). They gave me an ultimadum, You can graduate if you leave your church where he attends and never see him again. I declined the ultimadum. I applied one year later to finish my graduation, and was declined a second time. (It was extremely hurtful considering the teachers I thought we so close to me, like spiritual parents, then all of the sudden WALLS)<P>-was dismissed from the missions trip that was scheduled for me to go on (did not rceive a refund of $3,000 of which I had paid.)<P>-Was almost dimissed from my daycare position at the church because I was not considered "healthy enough"<P>-was not allowed to participate in sunday school not considered "healthy enough"<P>-Pastor did not permit us to see each other at all untill he could see the divorce certificate. This was an 8 month time frame.<P>-We did see each other, it was hard not to , when your in love waiting for a certificate, knowing full well the covenent has been broken. Everytime we did though we told our pastor. We did want to try to be accountable. It was very hard though.<P>-Our pastor told us if we weren't going to submit to his authority then we should go to a different church. We wanted to listen but it was hard.<P>-Instead of excommunicating us from our church we finally submitted, upon the submittion, he shared our discipline from the pulpit of our church, mentioning our names and everything. Our pastor told us not to come that sunday , it would be easier on us. We were given the tape. We listened to it, very embarrasing. <P>-One month later the divorce was final, papers and all, we were allowed to be seen togather in public. But it was very strange going to a church that knows your sin, especially addressed from the pulpit. <P>-We stayed there until it was peaceful, didn't want to leave on bad terms.<P>-Our pastor married us. We felt Gods release to move on shortly after.<P>There's alot I didn't share , but that's the basics. Sometimes I accept it for what it was and think our pastor was doning the best thing he knew how. Other times I'm so hurt. I was young and naieve, I didn't know church was like that. I do now. Church is just like a family (issues and disfunction) but, with God at the centre and a lot of love. I guess people are only human.<P>So answers anyone.?!<P>

Your asking the impossible.. Everyone's belief is different and to each his own. For me no I would not have submitted to any of it. But I was not a member of that church nor did I proclaim too subscribe to their beliefs as you did. If you really believe the church was right in it's beliefs and you were part of that then what makes you think you have the right to twist the belief to fit you? If you did not really believe in your heart what the church and school taught and professed then why would it make a difference what they thought or did. <P>I think what you are struggling with more than anything is the doubt of your own upbringing and belief in the church. That is an answer only you can provide to yourself. If you are asking should the church or the school be condemned for the way they handled it? Then for me yes since I do not believe the same as they do,,, it was wrong. But for them and you it was right as members of the church.<P>Remember there are many versions of the same truth what is your truth may not be mine. But it is still the truth.

Very well said TT.<P>Tex.