I have been so spun around these days I just need to let go. I thought that there was enough love in me to wait longer, but I'm just fooling myself. WS moved out so long ago and right in with OW why do I still try, or hope. When will I stop feeling so bad for my children. My girls will have abandonment issues my son will think it's ok to disrespect women.<BR>All I want to do is cry. IS THERE ANY HOPE AT ALL?

I am sorry for you. <BR>I love my cheating H. I don't want to give up, but H has.<P>I found MB on July 25,2001. Since then after reading and reading all the forums that sound like me, I have put 2 and 2 together. I keep giving chance after chance. Trusting him , wanting to belive him. Well I think I just reached my point.<BR>What real fool I have be thinking he has separated from OW.<P>Sunday, today, is going to be someday. When he shows up from being away thinking-HA .<BR>(I saw him with the OW Friday night He does not know this yet. but he will. )<BR> And about 30 min. ago I woke up to realize he lied about seeing her again ,another lie, I just figured out. <P>We deserve better.<BR>I do not want D, Just my Honest loving H back. I wonder if he is out there?

Dear lostinny,<BR>My H too was not interested in our marriage or in a divorce. He left 15 months ago, and would go indefinately in this "married, not married" state. He wants me as a "fall back position" if he needs it I think. He has no moral problem with relationships with other women while we are seperated, so there really is no reason to pursue divorce. Just think about it - He doesn't have to bear the expense of the divorce process, is not obligated to child support, and he knows that I do have a moral problem with dating with married. The only reason for him to persue divorce is if he gets serious enough about someone to want to marry her. All the while I am available if he changes his mind - at least that is what he thinks. HE HAS ALL THE CONTROL OVER BOTH HIMSELF AND THE RELATIONSHIP. I finally decided that I had to regain some control over my own life. I decided not to be his "sure thing" if his new life doesn't work out. I filed myself even though I do not want the divorce. And it has helped me get back my self-respect. Do you know what I mean? And who knows, maybe a little uncertainty in his thinking of me could be a good thing.<P>I hope your H is not just trying to play both ends against the middle. But if he is, maybe a little oil on your side of the rope to make things alittle uncertain for him could help. I think that half the time the atraction to the OW is because it is mysterious and uncertain. What do you think?<P>Regardless, I finally had to take a stand. Before it totally killed me. I look at it as that my marriage died. The the guy I married is dead - some guy I don't know is inhabiting his body. Maybe something can develop with this "new person" - we will have to see. But at least it should be a on level playing field. He does not have a commitment to me, so I had to file so I would not feel like I have a commitment to him either. We will just see what happens from here. <P>------------------<BR>Character is determined by what you do when no one is watching.

Dear SoSad59,<P>Well the ball is now in his court, again. My sister in-law, his sister was the one who helped me decide to retain or not to retain. She said his true colors will come out. I just still can't believe that this has been my life for the past 9 months. He is treating our children so poorly I can't stand it. <BR>My lawyer said he will either s#$@ or get off the pot. He might be so spitefull that he will porceed, until he sees exactly what he will lose.<BR>HE IS SO DEEP IN THE SOUL MATE FOG I wonder if he will ever come out of it. I would enjoy the OW to LB as much as possible.<BR>If it does go to court and she is there she will see exactly what she will be in for.<BR>Thanks for your reply,<BR>Dale

SoSad.59 and Lostinny,<P>I think my H may be one of those guys we see on those "lifetime for Women" channels who is married to several women at the same time but the wives don't know it.... No really, I just read your stories and think it is so weird that I could have easily been the one who wrote the post. I hate it, but I'm right there with you. <P>I have also had enough of being the fall-back plan. Tomorrow night I plan to ask him what he is doing and where he sees our relationship going. LB or not, I'm too tired and useless to continue in my current state. I feel used and neglected and I'm losing all respect for him because of the way he is neglecting the kids. <P>I just hope I can get through the conversation without having to be profiled on America's Most Wanted next week.<P>My thoughts and prayers are with you both,<P>Lynn

Lynn,<BR>I agree with you on the "Life Time For Women". If this marriage does work I will make sure I send them a rough copy and see where it goes. Who knows, maybe I can find a new and profitable direction in life. <BR>Has your WS been spending much time with the children at all? Is he living with OW? It is so crazy but I'm not going down without a "fight". I know that I am learning patience, have not mastered it yet. Do alot of LB from time to time, but you know, how can you not? Keep fighting don't give up. You know as well as I that Marriage is not something to be entered into lightly, uh, where did I hear that before?<BR>Hope to hear from you again.<BR>Dale