I have been posting for only about 5 days, and only on the Emotional Needs board, but my situation has changed to the point that I am now posting on the Divorce board.<BR>My wife and I spoke to a lawyer yesterday, and she wanted us to try a year's separation. My wife said that we would end up divorced anyway so why bother with being separated and let's get on with it!<BR>Up to that point I had been feeling very devastated (and I still do!). But with my wife's continuing and unswerving push for this divorce I began to wonder "why do I want to be with a person who so vehemently does NOT want to be with me?".<BR>Since she asked for this D she has been happier, easier to live with, nicer, kinder, sweeter, etc., do I want her to come back to me and be again what she had turned into, which is the oppositte of the aforementioned qualities?<BR>I love my wife, and she loves me (it is the old story, she loves me, but is not in love with me), but if she is never going to respond to anyhting I do, why should I continue to beat the cr*p out of myself because she no longer wants this marriage?<BR>I do go back and forth. I miss the couple we used to be, sometimes to the point of not being able to move from the sofa and to nearly throwing up, but SHE has moved on, shouldn't I?<BR>I hope that no one else I know ever has to go through what I am going through now and my haeart and prayers go to the posters on this board, because you all are, by definition, going through this hell. <BR>I am grateful for a forum to vent like this to people who will not be scratching their heads when I describe the kind of pain I am in.<BR>Thank you.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by vb_guy:<BR><B>I have been posting for only about 5 days, and only on the Emotional Needs board, but my situation has changed to the point that I am now posting on the Divorce board.<BR>My wife and I spoke to a lawyer yesterday, and she wanted us to try a year's separation. My wife said that we would end up divorced anyway so why bother with being separated and let's get on with it!<BR>Up to that point I had been feeling very devastated (and I still do!). But with my wife's continuing and unswerving push for this divorce I began to wonder "why do I want to be with a person who so vehemently does NOT want to be with me?".<BR>Since she asked for this D she has been happier, easier to live with, nicer, kinder, sweeter, etc., do I want her to come back to me and be again what she had turned into, which is the oppositte of the aforementioned qualities?<BR>I love my wife, and she loves me (it is the old story, she loves me, but is not in love with me), but if she is never going to respond to anyhting I do, why should I continue to beat the cr*p out of myself because she no longer wants this marriage?<BR>I do go back and forth. I miss the couple we used to be, sometimes to the point of not being able to move from the sofa and to nearly throwing up, but SHE has moved on, shouldn't I?<BR>I hope that no one else I know ever has to go through what I am going through now and my haeart and prayers go to the posters on this board, because you all are, by definition, going through this hell. <BR>I am grateful for a forum to vent like this to people who will not be scratching their heads when I describe the kind of pain I am in.<BR>Thank you.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>VB_guy; Sorry to read about your situation. I am in the same boat and do really feel for you and anyone who has to experience this paticularly devastating sort of pain. My wife came by to pack some of her things this weekend, and asked me to hurry up with the paperwork so the divorce will be final. It is almost surreal to see and hear this from someone who you have spent 17 years with. I can't help you but I can suffer along with you kind of a wierd support group huh? Good luck and hang in there. There may be people on this site who can help just ask around. <P>

Hello, torn soul:<BR>If there is one thing that I have learned from these boards is that I am relatively lucky. 17 years! My wife and I will be married for only 4 years in Sept.! I sure can identify with your "sureal" feelings. The woman who only three or four years ago was my best friend, confidant, lover and helpmate is saying to me, "I am divorcing you and there's nothing you can do about it." Where did our wives go? Who took them away and replaced them with these strangers? <BR>You suffer with me, I will suffer with you, and as I go to sleep tonight I will think about and pray for (yes, this ordeal has re-kindled my faith) another guy who is probably going through an even more painful situation than I am. I guess in a "weird" way, none of us are truly alone here.<BR>Thanks for your reply.<BR>vb_guy