I am a little bit confused and I don't know what to do.<BR>I have been trying to implement Plan A for the last two weeks. So far, I can't report any progress. My wife and I met a few times and talked on the phone a few occasions. Most of the time I managed to keep it cool and civil. This weekend I was out of town and she was going to take care of the pets and come over to the house to water the lawn. She did not do it. When I got back in town, I called her at her sister's house, where she currently lives, but she wasn't there. Her sister told me she was at her mom's. Later in the evening I stopped by to pick up the dogs, but she still wasn't there. Her vehicle, however was parked in the front of the house. She could have not walked to her mom's because she lives on the other end of the town. So she was obviously at the OM's house. Being late in the evening, she probably even spent the night at his place. My new roomate moved in yesterday and today my wife is coming over to meet her. (I have to mention, there is nothing going on between me and my roommate. She works with me, nedded a place to stay and I needed some extra cash to be able to keep the house) I don't know what to do when my wife comes over. I want to confront her about her actions, but I know that would be a huge LB. So what should I do? Just put it on the back burner and pretend I don't know anything or I don't care? Or should I ask her about her weekend? Any comments?<P>Thanks,<BR>Tacsi

understand before reading my advice that im really ticked about my current situation.<BR> First off I'd say that your wife made an obligation to be there for you forever and now she is off cheating on you, and it doesnt matter if she really is or not because she is giving the appearance of sin and she knows that. where's she at? not with you so why are you with her? these are questions im asking myself too i love my wife and you could read my plight posted shortly below yours on this list. I think that we should all just give up and go find someone else just like our spouses are doing, that way we can all live crappy pointless lives and not have anything worth earning when we die.<P> p.s. i wouldn't take anything i said as advice, moreso its probably how not to feel and what not to do but im glad i got that out anyway.

Tacsi,<P>I don't remember your story, but IMO you just let that weekend go. Confronting her will only fuel her fire. You know that if you casually ask her about her weekend it will lead to a HUGE love busting conversation.<P>The weekend before my x filed I had such a conversation with her. She told me she was somewhere which I knew was a total lie. I confronted and pressed the conversation until she finally admitted to where she was. That conversation probably sped up our divorce timeline by at least a month. <P>I suggest you get a cool washcloth and have it ready for the blood dripping out of your mouth as your biting your tongue. Hang tough!!!!!<BR><P>------------------<BR>Love, Bill<P>-There are none so blind as those who refuse to see!-<BR>-Stand up and do the right thing, even if your standing alone.-

joconnor,<P>People come to this web site to save or build their marriages. You are, of course, entitled to express your opinions, but please consider why you are here. Are you helping Tacsi with your words right now?<P>I'm sorry you are hurting - and, while it is a perfectly natural human responce to want to hurt back when we are hurt, it is not the best strategy in marriage - or in any relationship you want to build. <P>JoConnor, I see that you are fairly new here. You've come to a good place. If you want to save your marriage, you almost certainly can find some helpful information here - and some friendly souls who have been through some of the same things. Please read the info on the site - about basic concepts, emotional needs, infidelity etc. Then come back to the forums for support and maybe advice. There are people here who want to help.<P>-AD

Thank you Bill for your advice. I will have the cool washcloth ready.<P>Joconnor, I understand your pain and anger. I went through the same phase, too. However, being mad is not helping you or your relationship with your wife. You don't what the future will bring. She might come back, she might not. Onlything you can do is to make peace with yourself and take days one at the time. Read up on Plan A and B and implement them. Read some of the posts on this site and learn from them. You'll see, as time goes by, things will get easier. Every now and so, you will still get said and that is when you open a tread and your cyberfriends will cheer you up. Or if you are having a good day, you open a tread again, just to cheer everybody else up. Bottom line is, you have to let go of your anger, figure out where you want to go and make up a plan that will get you there. You can do it. You are not the only one who has gone through this. We all are. And we are here to help you.<BR>Good luck my friend.<P>Tacsi