W/S and I have determined that love relationship is over. She is in love with OM a co-worker at her school. Both are teachers (he is married w/3 kids). We live in an area where word will spread. What do you tell people happened? We are seperated and divorce is pending. There are certain people I would like to know the truth. However, my kids live in the area and I know how gossip will get around. I dont want my kids to be treated as outcast. My son plays football and baseball on OM team. W/S wont consent to him playing on different teams. I also dont like the fact that W/S will be putting her own UN-truthful spin on the divorce. She is not going to tell people that " He filed for divorce because this is the 2nd time I have had an A. He wanted me to give up OM and work on our marriage of 14 years and save our family. He wanted us to go to marriage counselling but I refused." -How unreasonable of me- I resent being painted as the bad guy in this situtation. "He filed for divorce from me"-She lied to me so how can I expect her to tell others the truth. Its easier to explain things to close friends but what and how do you tell other people you know? I would appreciate your input.

Tuff one.... <BR>I know the feeling the XW and I lived an a samll town where everyone knew everything about everyone. Soon it got around that I was an abuser that is why she was divorcing me?? News to me and my kids.. <P>Anyway word does get around and you are right she will put a negative spin on it. <P>As I was going nuts over the lies I was hearing about me till a friend gave me some really good advice "Truth like cream rises to the top" and it did! I kept quite but once she moved in with the OM the word spread and soon people realized it was all a pack of lies. <P>Just keep quite for awhile they will be found out soon enough, if someone ask you directly do not lie. Go ahead and tell your family of course and maybe one or two of your best friends but I wouldn't take any ads out in the newspaper. You will end up looking allot classier than her in the end. <BR><p>[This message has been edited by Tater_tot (edited August 07, 2001).]

When people asked I said I was getting a divorce, things weren't working out and she left me. She spread lies made up things and tried to justify what she was doing, when she moved in with OM people becane to see the truth, even her own family ralizes the truth, she still denies leaving me for OM even though she has lived with him almost 6 months. Do not be ashamed of what happened to you tell people you feel safe with, I think telling for me was a good part of the healing.<P>

Other than to a few "very" close friends I said nothing. When people would ask about her (even after she moved out) I simply responded that she was doing fine. She did her fair share of telling stories - She came to me and told me how upset she was about all the rumors around town about us. When she denied saying anything to anyone, I assured her that I told NO one we were getting a divorce and that the rumors could have come from nowhere else than her. She knows I don't lie (never did) so she could not argue the point.<P>It was tough not saying anything, but what I soon learned was that the people she was talking to who knew me, began to look at her in a bad light. They knew what she was saying just could not be true. In the end she "ran away" to another state. It was her lies that did her in. I said nothing and I am very glad about it.<P>Plus when you talk about it, it often looks like you are bad-mouthing her, even when you really aren't. Just avoid it. Let others think what they want...<P>just my $.02<BR>God Bless,<BR>Mike<P>------------------<BR>God always waits for the right time to do the right thing in the right way.

My strategy so far is to tell close friends and family the whole truth, and with mutual friends, the agreed-upon explanation (although we have some disagreements in terminology there, I'm not making an issue of them). Whoever you talk to will eventually make up their own minds, anyway; I know I have about other separations and divorces. You can't control her, and you certainly can't control the thoughts of everyone in your town.<BR>

I agree with everyone else here. Hold your tongue. Keeping quiet is the best strategy. The truth will come out in the end and you will feel better knowing you did the right thing. I also live in a small town where everyone knows everyone else's business. I cannot tell you how many people in this town have gone to my STBXH and told him what a mistake he is making in leaving me for the other women. People around here are starting to see the light, even his so called "buddies", who originally told him that he would be happier without me. People will know the truth. <P>Tina

I live in a town of 350 people, so nothing is private. When my wife left there were rumors of her selling drugs out of the house, her having an affair, me having an affair, and many more.<P>Like you've been advised, I didn't try to justify anything to anyone. My whole community rallied around me and supported me. They were able to see who was walking on high ground and who was slithering beneath the earth. <P>------------------<BR>Love, Bill<P>-There are none so blind as those who refuse to see!-<BR>-Stand up and do the right thing, even if your standing alone.-