Hi there, hard to believe a year has gone by. <P>I have basically been lurking every now and then to catch up on the lives of all teh good people I met through this forum, there hadn't been much news on my front. <P>You might say that stuff hit the fan recently... i finally got up the nerve to file a domestic restraining order against STBX, I had found out more and more bad stuff this past year, but actually getting it in my face of him using fists on my girls was the final straw. It's been a long road of coming out of the pit of depressiona dn mental and emotional abuse, and I am learning to say NO to it all. I have had to apologize to my kids for standing by while their father beat them. Yes... i feel guilty as all get out... it is a hard thing to accept.<P>I did win sole custody of the kids with him getting no vistitation unless it is in counseling, and on counselor's word, then he might have supervised visitation. this also opened up a new subject, I get to be put on the stand by his attorney and asked why I wanted a restraining order, at the same time, his attorney is going to question the mediators findings. <P>Seems I make one step forward and two back. I go to counsleing tomorrow and the files of the restraining orders are going to be shown to him. At that time, some of what the kids have written will be seen for the first time. My stbx may be lucky to stay out of jail, and I can be one of the first that wishes him put in. I KNOW there was physical abuse on the older daughter, and all 3 of us had a tremendous amount of emotional and mental abuse, but one counselor felt there may have been sexual molestation, too.<P>I feel like I am crawling out of a deep, dark pit and realizing that although there is clean air to breath, it has been tainted. the girls have been getting better and better the longer stbx has stayed away. I have a new beau, he is wonderful for all 3 of us and the kids think he is fabulous. It feels like a "real" family for the first time in many, many years. <P>I worry each night before a court appearance. Have told the kids that it is our truth against his lies and we can only hope the justice system sees that. Oh, and the lies... they never end, it seems. <P>On a good note, I got the kids a trampoline... I have found I am old (but everyone is getting in better shape before school starts) Getting a puppy Thursday, he's flying all the way from Queensland, Australia, bet he has a few stories to tell. Life does move on. <P>I still feel there is too much divorce, it is far too easy and all, but I know I am better off not being in mine any more. It is funny in a way, STBX felt it was a disservice to himself to attempt to try and reconcile, yet he may very well be forced by law to attend counseling, anger management, etc, etc, and this time he will do it alone because he has already lost his family. I guess 'funny' isn't the word I am looking for, it is pathetically sad.<P>I'm doing Ok, thanks for all the wonderful support this past year... there are times I look back and am so very thankful for you all! Blessed be...<P>Lori

Lori,<P>I'm sorry to hear about the abuse issue. That is something that is extremely hard to deal with, and I've only dealt with it for my best friend, I can't begin to imagine my own kid's dad hurting them. <P>I agree, there are way too many divorces, way too many new people arriving here each day, it seems more than I remember when I first came, and divorce is almost too easy. In cases of abuse, sometime's it's inevitable. <P>Take good care of yourself and be careful on that trampoline!<BR>Dana B (aka Lonelymom when you first got here).