Hello Everyone!<P>Well, my husband has been out of the house since 7/17. We have been in commuication with each other - but not on a regular basis.<P>He says he's going to therapy and trying to sort things out, that he still needs time to determine if he wants this marriage or not.<P>He has many issues to deal with (IMO). His parents had a terriable divorce, and he and his sister were used as weapons. He's never recovered from the empty feeling of loosing his mother. Recently, by his actions, it's become clear that he has no respect for women and uses them. There is a dark side to him, but there is also a very warm and loving side that is sensitive and emotional.<P>I haven't been able to find the Plan A/B list, could someone send me the link to the page?<P>I've become very confused about his situation and wonder if this is a mental problem that can be overcome? To complicate issues, while we were married, he became a cop, stated to work out every day and is more attractive than he ever was before. I believe this all fed his ego. He had the power of a police officer, and could make women drool. He had their attention - which he could never get with his mother.<P>To add to the confusion - there's the lonliness. Not that he was around MUCH, but he did always come home, give me a kiss hello or good-bye and ususally showed up to eat. I lay in bed thinking of everything we did together - and it's hard to watch shows that we watched toghter, go to place where we went together, etc. <P>Does anyone have any advise, experience like this, or the link to the A/B list? Thanks to everyone for all your help!<BR>

Hi Abtt,<P>The link to the Plan A information is<BR> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html</A> <P>I would read about Plan A and Plan B, and everything you can from the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com</A> site. <P>You haven't mentioned if there is another woman involved? Some signs of possible affairs include dressing different, different haircut, wearing new cologne, a renewed interest in their appearance. Being gone for long periods of time. Being distant. Having issues that they need to go away and "find themselves". I'm not saying this is your case, and I really hope it's not. <P>Whether there is an affair or not , Plan A, can help, but it takes a lot of work. Good luck, Dana<BR>

My wife got out of the house about the same time, but she was for sure having an emotional affair with a guy twice her age at work. In one month she totaly changed, and I to thought that she had lost her mind or snapped. Maybe she has some mental condition, but I really don't know. Your husband is doing the same thing my wife is doing with consoling. Trying to figure out whether or not she wants to work on our marriage. I don't know how long you were together, but I was with my wife for over 8 years(married 2) and it was like Jeckel and Hyde in a month. I'm also in law enforcement and know cops have "huge" heads! Hang in there and keep your head up though, because this is your husbands big mistake. You just keep trying your best until you feel it's time to stop. That way, you have no regrets on about how you handled it. If he's taking the time to figure himself out, maybe instead of just sitting around and waiting, do the same for yourself. If your like me, your spouse was your world and everything in your future revolved around them. Time to see your worst case senerio of your husband leaving. How bad would it be? From reading the entries on this site, I know everyone can survive this and come out in the end a better person. If there is no one else in his life, you have a huge advantage in trying to bring him back, but for me I'm fighting for my marriage against Mr. Perfect in my wife's eyes. I posted my story, "8 years together, Where'd my wife go?", if you want to read my story. This is a great site to just let it all hang out. I know your new, just like me, but we share a common goal in our lives right now. We both want our spouses back in our lives. Best of luck! Hang in there! No matter what you'll make it. Remember, God is also there to listen. Praying can be a great soul cleansing. <P>He's the one making the mistake.<BR>Final Fantasy 63