i visit fitness centers quit a lot and noticed that most people are in good shape, many are in great shape and a smaller portion are not in shape at all. this board should be like a fitness center. it is instead more like a junk yard compared to a garage. seems there's little marriage building. where's the progress. why don't people in healthy marriages post here. like physical fitness, one can be healthy and still improve. like body building/marriage building. so many here are like the fat people at the fitness centers, they set around moaning and gronning about being fat but never play with the equipment. i suppose some think about it and others pray for it. is this interesting or not?

Frankie - <BR>To me, this site is more of a support system as a way of exchanging information and advice from those in the same boat as we are; troubled marriages that need work! Some are looking for advice (such as me) and have received great advice and things that I have tried to improve and "build" my marriage. Unfortunately, I feel myself that most people here are here alone - not as a couple - and I truly believe that its always going to take TWO to build the marriage. One person can try and try on their own, but it takes both to make it work. MarriageBuilders has good information, good advice, and a wonderful support group - thats what we are here for - having conversations and exchanging information for one another in hopes that it will help. I can bet that the ratio of people on this site who's marriages do end up improving and working out are small - but the simple advice and help this place offers me has been wonderful and beneficial for me. It has certainly opened my eyes up to the fact that there are a heck of a lot of people out here who are unhappy, in bad marriages, and hurting. It can be a depressing site to visit - and at times, I've stayed away from it for those reasons, but I come back - hoping that "something" will trigger or come out of this that will enable me to get thru to my husband in one way or another. It hasn't happened yet. In the broad picture of it all though, I have figured out one thing - no one here, no one outside, no counselor can help my marriage. God has already decided whats to happen with it and I have to trust that he will show me the way. I feel that I am here searching for something that I will never find here. I don't have the strength or heart to leave my marriage and break up my family - I know that, so I have to hand it all over to God and know that he will guide me to whatever my fate in this should be. My purpose here on MB is for support only - and some good conversation!

me too. i beginning to think the reason i'm having such a difficult time deciding to stay or leave is because it's such a close call. and since it's such a close call i might as well play it on the safe side and stay put and make the best of this. think of the 80/20 principle. i've gotten 80% of what i want by putting forth 20% effort. to get the next 20% of what i want, i'll have to put forth 80% more effort. i'm beginning to think this may be as good as its' going to be for me. why should i ponder the importance of the last 20%. no one else has much more than 80% of what they want in a marriage. i spoke to a psychologist about this. he told me that some people are simple more antcy (sp) than others. i think i'm like that. there are 1000s of men that would die or kill to have a wife as good as mine. my w told me i'd never find another woman that would treat me as well as she. i think i'm getting over the other woman.

Good for you Frankie - if shes 80% of what you need - you probably do have a good wife! My husband is 20% of what I need (and inching down the scale) - maybe thats why God gave us our child - the threads that hold marriages together - kids. I hate feeling that our son is whats keeping us together - but for ME, he is. I can't say how my husband feels, but I have heard so many people tell him the same thing - that he has it so made with me and he is so lucky to have me, and he'd never have anyone as good and supportive as me. I think that because he KNOWs how much regret and hurt I went thru with my first 2 kids and divorce that I'd probably NEVER divorce him and put another child thru that. He's right. I guess as long as he is decent to us, great to our child, and bringing in the money to pay the bills - he's here for the duration. I hate to even PONDER what will happen when all our children are grown and gone. Sadly for him, he could have it all, we could have it all - if he only would TRY to give my children the same thing or close to the same thing he gives his. The resentment he builds inside of me is unreal. <BR>What a good topic "Hang out for only the broken hearted" - - - that me. Broken hearted. My heart is not even into this marriage - its with my 3 children and my kids father who DOES show them love and respect.<p>[This message has been edited by Cndy (edited May 21, 1999).]

Frankie,<P>At this point, I would consider myself to be a "success" story. Armed with some of the helpful information on this site, my relationship has been improving steadily. It gave me insight to myself more than it did into my wife, but helped in both cases. I think though, that marriage is a series of comprimises which we all will continue to work on forever. I also think that your willing to put in more than you take away, the relationship will be strong, as long as your partner appreciates and values, your efforts.<P>If your interested, I post more later to develop my story fuller, but let's just say for now that life's good and seems to be getting better! <P>In no small way, I have you guys to thank. So thanks!

Well I like the name of this room. Cndy I am feeling alot like you but its the other way around here sort of. Its we both are not in love with each other anymore. We both admitted that tonight. I even asked him if he thought we had anything in common anymore he said no. He said he thought he should look for a place on vacation. He has said that before. Then he turns around and says would kill him not coming home to his kids everynight. So what do I do? I cannot kick him out I cannot be that mean. I am like Cndy though here still cause of my kids. And you are right about there are so many couples or marriages out there that are unhappy like we are. I wonder what we all lose in those years? I know how mine started. I once read that when couples start having kids they start doing things seperate so the other watches the kids. Thats the time they should get sitters and spend time together. I see that happened to us. Besides alot of other things. I told hubby tonight we cannot get those years back either. All the mistakes made. I think really in my heart he was never ready to marry. Maybe he resents that too. Guess never really know do we about those decisions in the past. Well thanks for reading all it does help support me.