A few days ago I posted that my vstbxw's father died. And I said something about she needed closure from him, didadidadida.<P>Last night when I called to talk to the daughter to say good night, hugs and kisses. The stbxw gets on the phone and goes right back into the same discusion about this and her father, and that about her father. AGAIN, and AGAIN, and AGAIN the same thing that she was saying 3 days ago. I said what I was trying to get across to her about 15 different ways. Never raising my voice or losing control of myself.<P>I finally just stopped talking or giving her any kind of response or advice and all I said from there on was, yes, or ok, or aaaaahhhaaaaa. and she went into it another 5 times with the exact same words that she used the previous 9Million times. <P>I not mad, I'm not upset, I'm friken frustrated. And the sorry part is right now I don't much give two texas terd birds, about it. Sometimes I wish she would just say something once, confirm that I understand what she said, then OK well basiclly, JUST SHUT UP!!!. <P>WOW, that felt good. I haven't vented in a long time... ;-)<P>Thanks everybody.<P>Tex.<P>

tex,<P> i would think that if you wanted your wife back or to build your marriage which i am only assuming you do because you are here and i know what assuming does but this would look like a good sign that she wants to talk to you? right?.<P> My wife won't even talk to me, i havn't talked to her in about 2 months since she has a withstraining order against me, i don't feel the way i used to either though, im kinda of like you where i don't give two *hits weather she wants me or doesn't, I want to move on now.

Tex,<P>I know what you mean. My W does the same thing. The same topic - same undecided issue - over and over again - round and round. Sometimes I just say "well, I can't decide for you - you'll have to figure it out on your own." Sometimes I just listen for an hour or two. Sometimes she gets mad at me as if it were my fault that she doesn't know what she wants and can't make up her mind. <P>For my W, one main topic is her college. She wants to finish her degree, but she doesn't like her major - doesn't know what else to major in, doesn't know what kind of work she wants to do, and goes round and round and round with it. We've had the same discussion dozens of times. I think it is that she simply doesn't like any of the options - is still looking for some perfect solution which doesn't exist. She doesn't want to use day-care, so she'd have to have night classes. In her current major, almost all classes are in the daytime - and she doesn't believe that she will ever work in that field anyway. <P>...and then its her Mom. Every time she calls her Mom she tells me how terrible it was - how she wishes her Mom would treat her like an adult, how her Mom treats her grandchildren (several of whom are not much younger than my W) better than she. I don't mind, but I dare not say "You're Mom is abusive and controlling. Just don't call her" or anything like that. Nope. That wouldn't help at all.<P>Now, do I feel better? Not really - feel kinda disloyal. I know she needs somebody to listen to her - and I'm willing - but it's painful.<P><sigh><P>Hang in there, Tex. Be glad that she's talking to you and not some other guy - but wouldn't it be better if she could talk to a girlfriend!?<P>-AD

Sounds like she's having some typical grief reaction. <P>Also, her personality type is probably different from yours. I think you might need to take a look at the MBTI stuff. I think there is a personality type website at <A HREF="http://www.personalitypage.com." TARGET=_blank>www.personalitypage.com.</A> WhenIFindTheTime, commonly called WIFTTy, might be able to provide you with some additional links. ther personality type differences could well account for your communication style differences.<BR>

AbandonedDad<P>She has done this the entire 10x+ years we were married. She probably does talk to a guy about it and I know she talks to her girl friends about it. <P>We are a microsecond away form the divorce being final, so my frame of mind is "WHATEEEEEEVVVVVVEEEEEERRRRR". <P>Heck, I don't know. I don't even like it when she answers the phone when I call my daughter. She knows I call at the same time every night. My daughter stands right there by her so even my daughter gets a bit of a bug about that issue. <P>I feel good, I feel good, I'm not in a bad mode, I'm not in a bad mode, I'm cool, I'm cool. I guess I just have a mean streak running close by me today. It must have just missed me. <P>Tex.<p>[This message has been edited by AgoodManInTexas (edited August 08, 2001).]

It's a difference between the sexes ... men need to learn to <I>mirror</I> what they hear, and women need to learn that after it gets mirrored back a few times by a man, it's been understood and they ougtta drop it before it gets too annoying.

Sisyphus,<P>You're my kind of guy. Couldn't agree with you more, but I'm sure glad you said it and not me. <P>Prayers and stuff,<P>Bumper