I was married to my X for almost 18 years. In that time, I thought the one thing I never had to worry about was him being unfaithful. Turns out I was probably wrong for a lot longer than I care to admit. My X has a "new" girlfriend since the divorce. My kids say she is nice and for their sake, I hope she is. My daughter talks to her and gives me a lot of information (no she is not being an informant just being nice). She told me that my X started dating this one the day after I finally filed for divorce. He celebrated their one month anniversary (while we were still married, isn't that romantic!) She is still not divorced (her husband won't sign the papers) and has a four year old daughter. <P>Since he moved out my X has been living in a single room above the offices of the business we still co-own (I don't work there anymore, however, and try to stay involved only in Board of Directors meetings).<P>Here is my problem:<P>When my kids stay with him, they all sleep in the same single room . . . with him and his girlfriend. He is sleeping with her in the same room with my 13 and 15 year old. How do you explain to a 15 year old boy that his father is morally bankrupt!!! Not only do the four of them sleep there, but her four year old also joins them - that's five in one room. My daughter is not comfortable with the situation but will not say anything to her father. He will not listen to me, as I have already asked him not to sleep with her in the same room with the children. My daughter says she goes to bed in a T-shirt, but she knows she takes it off in the night because she has seen her putting it back on in the morning.<P>What am I supposed to do here? I think this is disgusting. An attorney friend of mine says that since the kids are over 12, they would have to be willing to speak up to the judge if I were to take him to court. They don't want to rock the boat with their father (and they shouldn't be put in that position!) because he will think I told them to say it and will get angry. If I tell them they can't spend the night and he takes me to court, I am the jealous wife. Is there a chance of me winning here or do I have to let my children be subject to such immorality?<P>I have explained to the children that their father is not a Christian and so lives by a different set of rules. They understand and disagree with his actions, but how long before exposure numbs them to the problem, here?<P>Anybody have any suggestions?

I guess maybe suggest to your H that perhaps they should rent a hotel suite so that there would be two seperate bedrooms.<P>Your kids are not babies anymore. I'm sure they relize just how wrong what your H is doing is.(mine do)If your kids don't like it they need to say something to their Dad that will get through way more than you or anyone else stepping in.<BR>No, it's not fair for them to have to say something but in this situation is there anything fair for them?<P>I'm with you on this don't take me wrong. My EX and I were married for 16 yrs before he began his MLC. Believe me there isn't anything you can say or do right now that will change him. His main goal in life right now is him and that is all. Not even the kids are as important to him as he is to himself. At least he still wants to spend time with them and that alone is a plus. Like I said I don't think anything you say will change things it is unfortunatly up to the kids.<P>Jill

I've thought about threatening to take him to court. He doesn't have and never had an attorney to advise him. However, it would be just a bluff because I wouldn't put the kids through that. Besides, if they won't tell him they are uncomfortable, why would they tell a judge? They don't want to make him mad. He was never father of the year in the first place. He would miss their events, just to get back at me.<P>I have threatened to sue him on other financial matters, but in those cases, I will follow through if necessary. As far as the kids are concerned it would only be a bluff.

hi and welcome!<P>You will find this family to be very non-judgemental, caring and forgiving! Plus everyone has good advise.<P>Now to your dilema. I do not have children, however, I have very strong feelings about this. They Can not and should not be sleeping in the same room as your XH and his OW!!!! You can take action that will work with persistance. First tell him how you feel. No mater how rude he gets (thats just selfishness on his part)Tell him you do not want her spending the night, especially in the same room as your kids. if he doesnt ablidge, take him to court.<P>You have to remember your kids come first, even if he has forgottn that! You can fight in court for him to have day visitation only on the ground that he is sleeping with another woman in the same room as your kids. Use the emotional distress and role model issues! express your motherly concerns.<P>This has to stop. either he will give up nights, she will stop spending the night, or you will win in court.<P>So, try talking to him first, then tell him you are calling a lawyer and taking him to court. Tell him why! After he talks to a few people he should realize he can not win this one. I have friends who have been here. I know a man who got fulol custody of his 3 yr old daughter over this! You know how hard that is. But he won and his daughter is not subjected to the physical relationship anymore. Whether they touch or not, sleeping together sends signals!<P>I am sorry you are here, but we are good people who care deeply about are MB friends.<P>My thoughts and prayers are with you and your children.<P>Michelle

You do not have to take him to court per se. The kids do not need to say a thing. There is a modicum of decorum, as my mother would say, that must be respected. Truth is, there are other issues at stake. You need to revisit your divorce paperwork with an attorney with this in mind...there are two non-related adults, and two minor siblings, and another non-related minor sleeping in a single room. I think your lawyer could get the visitation redone to state no overnight visitors in his apartment, or as suggested above, force him to provide adequate quarters for his visitation.<BR>I have a 15 year old son that is appalled by his mother's actions, too...but he loves her, and she is absolutely convinced that I am 'the only one who has a problem with this.' I understand how you feel...you want to minimize your children's hurt, but you can't do that...it's not in your power. You can take this legal action, and feel better because of it, and I think that you should...but you know it won't do what you want it to. We keep wanting to protect the kids, and we can't...the family is defunct...no more...split. That is the unfortunate reality...we must admit that...and start again. I'd suggest counseling for the three of you...it actually helps some. God bless you, I am sorry for your pain, and the pain of your children...but you know that the world is still a pretty good place, all things considered. -Mike